Those Damn socialist Liberals...

I'm getting tired of these right wing e-mail campaigns condemning the so-called "democrats march to socialism". Do me a favor, for all of you who are forwarding these e-mails take a little bit of time and do some research as I am doing for this post.

Step 1: Look up Joseph McCarthy and his book, "McCarthyism: The fight for America." Sen. McCarthy was routinely accused of attempting to discredit his critics and political opponents by accusing them of being Communists or communist sympathizers. In the 1950 Maryland Senate election, McCarthy campaigned for John Marshall Butler in his race against four-term incumbent Millard Tydings. In speeches supporting Butler, McCarthy accused Tydings of "protecting Communists" and "shielding traitors." McCarthy's staff was heavily involved in the campaign, and collaborated in the production of a slander-laced campaign tabloid that contained a composite photograph doctored to make it appear that Tydings was in intimate conversation with Communist leader Earl Russell Browder. A Senate subcommittee later investigated this election and referred to it as "a despicable, back-street type of campaign," as well as recommending that the use of defamatory literature in a campaign be made grounds for expulsion from the Senate.

McCarthy did not stop there. President Harry S. Truman, who needless to say, did not quite get along with McCarthy referred to him once as "The Best Asset the Kremlin Has", because of the dividing and destructive nature of McCarthy's "witch-hunt." McCarthy essentially ran around pointing at anyone in his way and screaming communist. He single-handedly instilled such fear into the American people that it indirectly resulted in the start of "Military Intervention" in this small civily-sparring nation on the western Pacific seaboard called Vietnam. McCarthy pointed out that if communism took hold in Vietnam, then the rest of the Asian Nations would fall like dominoes followed by the rest of the world...America marched in to "save" the world from communism and promptly got their asses handed to them by a more determined people defending their way of life from these "round-eye" invaders. Communism was now a global concern. So we managed to get embarrassed and lost a half million young men and women in this effort to stop something we knew nothing about. After we left Communism did spread...and nothing ever really came of it. Hmmmm, kinda anti-climactic...

McCarthy even launched an investigation into the Army Signal Corp. Really? Idiot...It took McCarthy Just over 4 years to get his ass booted. On December 2nd, 1954, the Senate voted 67-22 to censure McCarthy and condemn all his actions due to the fact that he: "failed to cooperate with the Subcommittee on Rules and Administration," and "repeatedly abused the members who were trying to carry out assigned duties..." In addition: " the special Senate session...was a 'lynch party,'" and had characterized the committee "as the 'unwitting handmaiden,' 'involuntary agent' and 'attorneys in fact' of the Communist Party," and had "acted contrary to senatorial ethics and tended to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute, to obstruct the constitutional processes of the Senate, and to impair its dignity."

Now while these e-mails that are cycling are not exactly disgraced Senators from Wisconsin, they are in the same line, and the same belief as McCarthyism...Conservatives...You had your chance, and you blew it. The country is on the border of financial ruin because your fateful leader decided to do nothing about what was inevitably coming over the last 20 years. Get over yourselves. Its your turn to get on board or get the hell out. The same thing that you told the liberals after Bush stole his second election. If you don't like it, leave...Well, if you are not getting on board, then get the hell out! You make it sound like the Democrats are wronging so many people. Well, they are not. There is a reason that we control congress and the Presidential Seat, because you blew it. On November 4th, my vote for Obama was worth the same value as your vote for McCain. America's voice has been heard.

Here is my little motto of the day:

"Its really easy to point fingers without looking at your own flaws and inaction."

I know that my thoughts jump all over the place and there is a really thin timeline associated with this blog, but just bear with me, I was/am a little upset and am not concerned with structure or syntax...

Endorsed by the wonderful me...

My dear friend Darrell wanted me to see if I can grant some exposure to his non-profit...Normally I would not succumb to the pressure of these damn non-profits, but...I'm kidding I love non-profits! In fact, I consider myself a non-profit. I have asked for donations many a time...

Anyways this one is really cool. I am sure that a lot of you have heard of Liberty Hill. Well they are doing a charity fundraiser raffle for a brand spanking new 2010 Honda Insight! Tickets are $100 a piece which might seem like a lot, but look at it this way...if you work an extra shift...Boom theres a hundred bucks! Sell your old bike/treadmill/little brother that you never ride/run-on/liked on E-bay...Boom, theres a hundred bucks. Sell your left(or right) kidney on the black market...Boom, theres a...well actually at the going rate for kidney's you could probably just buy an Insight...But thats not the point. Charity is fun. Trust me. Because I said so...

Here is the link to the donation page. Check it out. Even if you do not have the funds to donate maybe your friends do. If you have a blog pass it on! You can buy as many tickets as you want to, and if you purchse four you get a fifth one free!

http://libertyhill.typepad.com/main/2009/03/a-hybrid-for-100.html

Thanks all and have a lovely day!

Why AT&T Blows...

I HATE AT&T. I logged on to pay my bill yesterday on my off day. My bill is typically $85 or so dollars a month. My bill was $451.84. I was a bit shocked. So I called their customer service and sat on hold for 45 minutes only to find that someone, not me, authorizes $365 worth of roaming charges in Europe. They said that sometimes in fraud situations, cell phone #'s can be cloned...WTF? Cloning cell phone numbers has not been an issue since the turn of the millenium...

The Good News: I am having all of the charges removed and a $25 convenience credit placed on my account.

The Bad News: My phone may not be active until Tomorrow, Thursday, at 6am...Goddamn AT&T...

If anyone needs to get ahold of me, feel free to facebook me! haha...Crap...

Has anyone else had this happen to them? Are there any preventative measures?

Why we need help...

I'm a Star

Watch the video and see if you can see my forehead! haha

http://www.myfoxla.com/dpp/entertainment/lisas_la/Lisa_LA_Ciel_Spa_20090312

The Last Week or so...

So I finally got my new laptop set-up and ready to go. I am in the midst of transferring all of my pics and videos from Brett's Laptop over to mine. He is a life-saver. I was a little worried for a second there that I had lost all my pics from London and China. Needless to say it would have been devastating.

Move-in day is fast approaching. We get the keys and do the lease thing on Friday. We are excited, its going to be a good thing. Definitely a step in the right direction.

I have been really busy recently between, "The Envy," SLS and Business with Sephora for Topper, but busy is good right? I am very thankful that I am still gainfully employed in two hospitality industry jobs. Realistically, I am defying the odds. Generally in a time of recession, people tend to cut out the excess, like $300.00 facials and $800 spa packages...but for some reason, the wonderful "upper-crust" of West Los Angeles still finds it necessary!

Two Sundays ago was the first Sunday that I had off in a long time so I decided to go see Topper and hang out there for a bit. Then I got the itch to go do something. So i texted David and Nareth and we organized a golf outting! I have not swung my clubs in about 6 months. It was okay though, Nareth, Kevin,David, Richard and their friend Tom have swung a golf club a combined 0 times. This was going to be fun!! Hahaha I was definitely cringing every time they swung the club. Not because of the lack of mechanics, bu because I was fearfull of snapping hosels and flying clubheads and the like. It was a blast though. I took some sweet action shots and am going to post those shortly on Facebook. It was good to get out and hit some balls. Like I said I had not done that in a long time.

I somehow managed to wiggle my way out of work this last Sunday also...Two Sundays in a row! wow! David managed to get a Luxury Box from one of his reps for the Lakers/Mavericks game. It was AWESOME!!! It was David, Richard, Ellis, Ron and myself. First Lakers game I have ever seen. If the tickets were more affordable, I would make it a regular outting! I love my Lakers.

We went to this awesome little place called WurstKuche after wards for some sausages and beer. Its on the corner of Tracton and 3rd on the border of Little Tokyo, The Toy District and the Fashion District. They had some fantastically interesting sausages including mixtures of ostrich, bison, rabbit, deer, rattlesnake and rabbit. Plus the beer selection was reminiscent of a Minerature Stone Brewery. Lots of really good Belgians including Delirium Nocturnum and Tremes. Also, Houblon Chouffe, which I have not seen forever and your standard Chimays...It was an awesome little place and a lovely cap the a great day.

Last night was "Love a Mick" night at the Abbey, or more commonly, and less offensively known as St. Patricks Day. So what does the Abbey do?? They book a bunch of "Little People" and dress them as leprechauns. David and I met everyone at Phil and RD's and got our "Discount Drunk" on. We then headed down the hill where the headlining entertainment was this woman named "Little Britney." She was a dwarf, who resembled Britney. She was crass, could not sing worth a lick and kept calling us bitches...but imagine for a second a 3'2" blond woman, stripping down dancing on tables and serenading 6' tall gay men...and what song was she singing? Circus...Ohhh, how befitting...Circus...

The last week of two have been busy but fun! I will not wait this long between posts anymore simply because I struggle to remember everything that happens...Hope you all have a lovely day and that the hangovers are not too bad!

B

I love crabs

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

Hello Party People

So this is the first post that I have made since the beginning of March. My laptop of almost 5 years decided to crap out on me. I just got my new one a few hours ago and am loving it...So back to blogging...

Here are a couple of updates...

My beloved A-hole, Rettles and I are getting a place on Bedford Drive just south of Airdrome. Its a fantastic little 3 bedroom place with a nice view and plenty of space for us to all do whatever it is that we do. The important part about this, that is, the part that affects all of my minions(you) is the housewarming party. I'm thinking delicious pastries ala J's B-day and a massage therapist on staff doing chair massage. Ohhhh, and of course, lots of drinks. :-) its in the plans, but I guess first we need to make sure that we get the place.

Work has been intense. I am on a nice schedule of around 7-8 hours a day. I am working 7 days a week, but am strangely not getting burnt out. Both jobs are a nice change of pace from one another. I work 4 days at SLS Hotel and then 3 days at "The Envy."

As far as a social/love life goes...I have resigned to the fact that I am just meant to be single until further notice. I have lost the drive to pursue things, and will just live my life with myself being priority number one instead of someone else. A-Hole and I have both been going out a lot recently, which is usually a ton of fun. Neither of us have been drinking too much when going out. As David says, "Ballers on a Budget." I have met a lot of super people recently and feel like i have made some lovely new friends.

I will post more later, but for now, back to playing with my new toy...my laptop perverts.

B

Dude, Where's my Street

Last night I went to J and Eric's for J's B-day. It was lovely to see everyone smiling and happy. I on the other hand was irratable and dissatisfied with my current situation. I was not drinking and had been dry for a couple days. Every time David yelled "Shots!" I salivated and then quickly got pissed off. I was parched and all I could drink was fruit Juice. So I found another, non-blood-thinning vice which will not be named, and began enjoying myself.

Midnight rolled around and everyone was pretty tuckered out. RD and Phil were taking off and it seemed like a good time for Uly and I to hit the road also. I walked Phil and RD out said goodnight, and then walked to my car. What happened after that was a mystery... I have never been so out of it. I was in some kinda zone. Keep in mind, I was stone cold sober. I have never had my mind so far detached from my body before...Below i a basic map with two routes marked. One is the way I took to J and Eric's and the other was the route I took home. I will let you figure out which is which. At one point on the way home. I text RD to say I was lost. I was less than a mile from my house and was so disoriented that it was mildly humorous...And now the map:



This is the kind of disorientation that I experience when NOT under the influence of booze...Sigh...

The Emperor's...errr...the Kings New Clothes"

King Ron, the Exalted, God Appointed, Divine Law Ruler of the Men's Locker Room of the 24 Hour fitness was clothed when I came in yesterday. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Why are you still hooked on Ron?" or "Clothed? What? How?". To answer the first question, my life consists of work, boredom and Ron. Which one would you write about? Now onto the second question, I'm not really sure how he got into clothes. I don't mean that it is far-fetched that the man was clothed, I mean, how in the hell did he get into those pants? Not too many people can sport what appear to be opalescent white Alligator Leather pants. Ron can do whatever he wants though, he's the King...Oh, how I long to be his Queen.

I have been a bit stressed recently, some personal issues and some not so personal issues. I have not had a day off since February 9th and it is starting to take its toll. I am getting tired and just want a Brandon day where I can ignore everything else that's going on in my disheveled existence and relax, maybe play a video game or watch a movie. I am not burnt out due to all this work, I am only doing 7 and 8 hour days. Its not like I am working 90 hours a week. Also, it helps that I really do love both of my jobs and my coworkers. Unfortunately I do not have a day to myself until March 5th. I can at least count down to it though right?

This morning before work I decided to treat myself to a delicious Venti non-fat, unsweetened Starbucks Double shot on Ice. Five heavenly shots of espresso, a splash of skim milk all poured over ice...orgasmic. The guy in line behind me was this HUGE bald white guy. After I ordered I went and sat down and started staring at him. He was wearing a wife-beater and a sleeveless khaki shirt. He looked like some Aryan Nation blowhard that you can find in Fallbrook. But I decided not to judge. Then when they called his name, Penrose, I knew it...I knew his life story, it goes something like this:

Penrose was born in suburban Tuscaloosa, Alabama to his parents Clyde and Mona. He was one of 16 children "thriving" in a 2 bedroom shanty. Every morning, he and his pediatric army of soldiers marched to school in Tuscaloosa where, Penrose was teased and taunted because of his name...and the stupid look that he carried on his face from dusk til dawn. Penrose developed a deep-seeded hatred for those around him, and found his only friend to be a Willow tree in his front yard that he affectionately named Madge, short for...ummm...Madgey. Now, Penrose, is a racist, gun-toting bigot who talks to Willow trees in La Cienega park and wears horrendous clothing. Pictures to follow...The End

I am obviously suffering from severe boredom and would like to be saved from banality at this point...any suggestions?

Hi-tech, low tech Brandon

So as I mentioned before, my laptop is on the fritz, and I can safely say that it was working just fine until I ran a boot time scan with Avast Antivirus software. I asked their tech support for help and they told me that I need to run a windows reinstall on my laptop. This means that all of it music, 6000+ songs are gone, and more importantly all of my pics, pics with my grandpa in Hawaii, pics from NYE in London last year and my pics from the olympics might be gone... Wiped clean because their product removed something in my windows startup sequence...thanks guy I really apreciate your help...

On a morbid and gruesome note, I saw a car accident on the way home from the gym. It was one of those accidents that kick the spinning earth off it's own axis. A 5000Lb range rover t-boned a 7500Lb late 90's model suburban. The gruesome part was the 36" diameter hole in the front windshield of the range rover...tsk tsk, now where are your seatbelts mr. Range rover...I guess that smear of a person womb make the same mistake again. I just don't understand why you don't wear your seatbelts...there are so many fun things in life that can kill you, why leave it up to something as trivial as buckling your friggin' seatbelt.

That's all I want to type now, seeing as I am blogging off of my iPhone. And my hands are beginning to cramp up. :-)

I hope all is well with everyone! Take care and buckle up! Oh and if anyone know anyone with an extra laptop, I need it for work stuff and internet. I'll buy it!!! Thanks!

Ron part 2 and my "Real" Silver Lake Experience...

Yesterday I went to the gym and actually me Ron officially for the first time. He probably felt it necessary to at least know the name of the guy who stared in awwwe and the giant Sequoia growing between his legs. I introduced my self, shook his hand and that was it. He was wearing his underwear at this point, which was kinda refreshing because I really did not feel comfortable getting up and close with King Ron's "Cap'n Ron." I had a good work out, did some cardio, kept the heart rate fairly moderate. No more 193 beats per minute for me now. Even in full exertion it only gets up around 170. So yeah, enough of the boring stuff...

Sunday night, I volunteered to cover for A-hole because she was down for the count with Strep. So after having been at SLS since 10AM, I went to the envy to help Marsa close. Harry and Shawn started harassing me to meet them at "El Conquistador" in Silver Lake for a margarita...So I did. I got there around 10PM, and they were both blotto! I had a delicious little quesadillia and an even more delicious not so little margarita. I had not eaten since a 3:30 lunch at the SLS cafeteria, so I figured food might be a good idea at this point. After I chowed down, "The Hobbits" and myself walked over to this, and I quote, "Awesome, little bar. You're going to be fresh meat, they are going to love you." Harry's statement should have made me yawn, proclaim exhaustion and leave, but I am apparently a stupid, stupid boy. We went to The Eagle, which I will now refer to as "The Vulture," dissect it however you'd like, and grabbed a pint or two of Bud Light. Harry handed me my beer, and said bottoms up! So I chugged my pint. He did not. In what world does bottoms up not mean to chug your 20oz pint. Anyways, ordered another pint and nursed this one. We were just sitting around making fun of people when I got up to use the bathroom.

Now, I find a certain type of person attractive...generally they need to be good looking, over 5 feet tall, not a metric ton, and have all four major appendages(although the last one is not always necessary). There were one or two attractive people in the bar, and as I was waiting in line for the bathroom, a tall, handsome, blond "Surfer Guy" approached me and stood next to me. Here is the dialogue:

Douche: You in line?
Me: Yeah
Douche: You heading in there?(meaning the bathroom)
Me: Uhhhh, yeah, this is the bathroom line isn't it?
Douche: You want some company?
Me: No Thanks.
Douche: You want me to go in with you?
Me: I said No...
Douche: I can make it worth your time...(As he winks at me, yes winks)
Me: What part of NO don't you understand, fucking ass-clown!
Douche: Dude, Its OK, I was just asking if you wanted to hang out in there.
Me: Hang out in the Bathroom? Who the shit hangs out in the bathroom. Stop talking to me, you're giving me a migraine.

So he got out of line and went back to sit down at the bar. I was not trying to be mean, I just don't know how to handle stupid people and get flusterred and verbally abusive. I'm sure he was telling his buddy what a prick I was, but, I guess I was just not ready to get propositioned at a leather bar, no matter how good looking the guy was. I still have a shred of dignity left, and I am going to try and hang onto it!

After The Vulture, Shawn wanted to venture down to another "Fine Establishment," El BarCito...Or as Harold referred to it, Little Tijuana. We got frisked by an armed security guard when we went in, and pretty much got frisked by all the bar patrons the rest of the night. When I saw the armed security guards, my first thought was, ohhhh, it is just like Tijuana! There was some cross-dresser on stage singing what seemed to be Mexican Showtunes in a really out of pitch voice. Not to mention his/her dress was a touch too tight in the front crotchular region. I'm not critical of cross-dressers, transgenders, etc, in fact I have all the respect in the world for them. They are the last portion of the American population to shunned in almost every walk of life. It takes some guts to be who you believe you are. HOWEVER, I was being visually raped by his/her frontal appendage, and it was time to go.

It was quite the interesting evening. I had been to MJ's in Silver Lake before, but now I think I truly have an understanding of what this sleepy little town is all about...Large Men, Leather, Bud Light and Touchy-Feely Latinos...Hmmmm, stinks a lot like a gay Escondido if you ask me...

Ron's Junk

I have named this blog after someone whom I really do not know all that well. Ron is a member at my gym. When I get there between 7-8AM Ron is walking around the men's locker room naked. When I leave, between 9-10AM, Ron is still naked. He is the self proclaimed, "King of the locker room. He is that guy who knows everybodys name and feels it is necessary to speak to everyone when they come in and out of the locker room. Normally, this is just a nuisance, but what gets me about Ron, is there is something different about him, and I am pretty sure that I know exactly what it is. Now, I am well aware that I am a gay male and as a gay male, the first thing my eyes drift to when confronted with a naked man is in the "Groinular" region. A simple, innocent compare and contrastm, and I also know that whether they will admit it or not, most straight men are prone to the exact same thing. Now I'm not going to "Innuendo" this like I normally do, so if you a skiddish around abnormally MASSIVE bodyparts, skip down two paragraphs. Ron is endowed. I'm not talking about 9" endowed, I'm talking like, the poor soul has never had sex because he is so endowed. There is not a woman in the world who could handle it. If I had one 12" ruler, I would have been out of luck. This thing requires at least 2. I'm thinking in the neighborhood of 14-16". I simply cannot fathom the logistics of it. There is no way in hell...

So, anyways, Ron seems to know a lot about everyone in the locker room. "Hey Steve how's the Wife? Did you see the Dodgers missed out on Manny" As the usual banter goes...But today it was strange. There was this tall lean shirtless asian guy named Peter in the locker room. No, i was not staring, he did not strike me as being even remotely attractive, so lets not even start with all the "rice queen" remarks, A-holes...Ron, looked at Peter and said, "Peter, lookin good man! Your gettin pretty big, eh?" and Peter responded with, "Well Josh and I broke up, so I am back on the prowl. Ha-ha" I don't know if I was more shocked that Peter was in a locker room full of guys announcing his orientation or that Ron, who really is the King of the men's locker room, is just chatting people up and giving hand shakes while his elephantitic appendage swings to and fro like a wrecking ball in motion...

I think thats all I need to say about Ron...

I had a wonderful Valentine's day, other than working from 9am-9pm. In typical Brandon fashion, I took my friend Francis to Koo-Koo-Roo...Red Lobster was booked...Haha. I had origianally planned on taking him to this nice Italian place called Benvenuto on Santa Monica and La Cienega. And when we got there it was closed...out of business apparently. Option #2 was the Courtyard across the street...Which had a large "For Lease" sign posted out front...WTF? So, again, in classic Brandon fashion, when Francis said, "Do you wanna just eat at Koo-Koo-Roo?" I emphatically said "Yes, yes I do."

I got a kick out of eating at Koo-Koo-Roo because of a bit of an inside story, that Francis was not aware of. I have an insatiable appetite for cheap restaurants and over processed food. For my birthday last year, Jefferson asked where I wanted to go to dinner. He asked sarcastically if I had any interest in Sizzler. I got giddy like a school girl! Then 18 days later for his birthday, I took him to Red Lobster in the valley. I got such a kick out of Koo-Koo-Roo on valentine's day that it really did not matter what I ordered, or what happened the rest of the night.

Francis and I went to the Abbey afterwards and met up with the rest of the gays for an after dinner beverage. Good times were had by all. I met a couple other people who apparently I had met before but had no recollection, lo siento.

Work at SLS started and is starting to get intense. The amount of work and effort that goes into every guest is incredible. They are waited on hand and foot. Of course if I were paying $500.00 for a facial and a massage I would expect some munchies and other luxuries. But wow, I am on my feet all day. Time flies though when you are having fun!

Other than a couple little non-blog worthy health issues, everything has been going pretty swell. Still trying to gain back that weight that escaped me over the last few weeks of illness, ughh...I got down to 185#, then dropped to 175# when I got sick and am now at 178#. 7 more Lbs. to go!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and President's Day Weekend.

The last couple days...

I have been sick. Not sick in the head or gross like I am sure many of you already assume but, better put, I have been ill. I have been coughing up things that look remotely like something you would pull out of a clogged sink...How did that get there? Hmm... Yesterday, I was at work from 1-9pm and was hurting pretty badly. By 2PM, I was sitting in the bathroom crying from the pain. I was so achy and sore that I was getting the shakes. I needed to do something, and fast. So I got a massage! haha I booked an hour with one of our newer therapists, Sean Elias and within an hour, I felt like a million bucks. My throat still hurt, but the aches and chills were completely gone. I am not at all a massage skeptic, in fact i absolutely believe that it should be part of everyone's health care plan. But this was such a pleasant surprise. I cannot even explain the difference from before and after, it was incredible! I highly recommend her.

Friday night, we went out to Rage for their 6 year anniversary. It was an open bar from 9:30-10:30! As soon as the clock struck 9:30, David had five shots of vodka ready to go. Now as I am sure some of you know, I am a vodka connoisseur, I love vodka on the rocks. but this vodka shot was poured into a 5 ounce rocks glass...REALLY?? uggh, so we all took are shots and were ready to go. It was a fun night, a couple more drinks, some dancing and lots of walking in order to sober up our driver.

Last night, I took out one of my co-workers who was in town for just a few days. He had never been out in LA during his couple of quick visits. I think he had a good time, we grabbed a drink at East West and then walked to RD and Phil's to meet up with Rettles, Frang, RD and Phil. It was Abbey time. My friend had never been to the Abbey, so he was in for a treat. We went to Java Detour for a pit stop and then headed over to the Abbey where we met up with David and Richard. Fun times, Nothing too dramatic occured, sorry. Got to bed at around one and woke up this AM at about 9.

I am in San Diego now and looking forward to a couple days away from LA. Hopefully some clothes shopping with Mommy tomorrow, and dinner with the friends down here. I did discover something fascinating on my way down...I'm all hoarse due to whatever is making me sick, and I have found that I can sing along to "The World I Know" by Collective Soul almost in perfect pitch! Oooh, gotta go, my Breakfast Burrito is here!

Something new...

I decided since my life has been a bit lackluster of late, I was going to find something to consistently post about that is entertaining for the masses(my 3 readers). So I thought, what better to do than to essentially point and laugh, albeit through the Internet, at OTHER peoples misfortunes, and not my own...

I have decided to post disturbing, yet funny videos and content found throughout the web...Now if I use a video of yours and you do not want me too, don't threaten to sue...just ask me to take it down, and I might comply.

I posted a term yesterday in my blog about "Penis Clams" that most of you are probably not familiar with, and if you are, then you are either a loser or a tree...or a Dermatologist. The term was Epidermodysplasia verruciformis. Basically, you contract HPV, and you turn into a tree. No Joke, watch the video below. Its Trippy.



I hope you enjoyed your first dose of the less fortunate...Tomorrow, Tape Worms!

Cheers, B

The most disgusting things ever...

Ok so evolution has played some really cruel jokes on anamalia over time, The Dodo(Flightless idiot), the Surinam Toad(Look it up on Youtube) and Epidermodysplasia verruciformis(Half man half tree) just to name a few. But today I was exposed to something so commically sad, that I had to post it. I love seafood. Correction I loved seafood. I loved shellfish, oysters, clams and the like. However, after being exposed to the Geoduck, pronounced gooey-duck, I have had to rethink my tastes for seafood and certain external male reproductive organs. It is a large clam with an uncircumcised male appendage-like...appendage protruding from it...Just see for yourself...




Apparently they are best served in Clam Chowder...Enjoy...

Funny Stuff...

Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday, and was supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun. Not that it wasn't, but it just started off and ended very atypically...Let me preempt my Sunday with a tale of a phone call I got late Saturday night...

Allison, Kristen and I went to Norms for some late night grub and I got a phonecall from the little brother Adam. His calls are usually just random questions. This time was different. He had gone to Chico with his friend Tyler and was now on his way home. Tyler decided that he was going to stay the night, which Adam did not want to do. Tyler told Adam to drive his truck down and that he would just take a flight the next day. Adam begrudgingly said OK. So Adam left at god knows what time and headed south. He made it all the way to Stockton before falling asleep behind the wheel, rear-ending someone and careening off the road and down a ravine. Funny right? Well, he was not hurt, so it is ok to laugh...This is where it gets legitimately comic though.

After the tow truck gets Tyler's truck back on the road and charges Adam $143.00, he starts heading south again. He pulled off and grabbed a couple red-bulls before continuing. He was wide awake the rest of the way, problem was, it was now about 3AM, and his fuel tank was on empty. All the money that he had had been given to the tow truck driver. Adam, emptied out the change pocket, found some Visa giftcards and even borrowed money from presumably a homeless person(they are the only one's out at 3AM in Central California). Now if you ask my opinion, which you are, or else you would not be reading this, Adam is a survivor. Forget Bear Grilles or whatever his name is, Adam is offering a clinic on how to Survive in Butt-F*** Egypt...Impressive...With his new found wealth he got enough gas to get home. If the story ended here, I would have thought, wow, what a crazy night...But, in typical Watson fashion, there were more antics to come...

Adam had gotten all the way through the grapevine and was on the 210 about 10 miles from his house when a small early Nineties Ford Tempo changed into his lane, Adam swerved in Tyler's already abused vehicle and hit a wall at 55MPH. Funny right?? Haha

Obviously he was again OK. This time Tyler's truck was not though. Soooooooo, Long story short, My Mom called me this morning and asked if I wanted to meet them for lunch and that they had just picked him up in La Crescenta. So I got to spend some time with the parents which was nice. My Dad had never been up to see me before, so it was fun! We went to Norms, where I order the "Loaded Hashbrowns" for the second time in 10 hours...Not advisable! Anyways...

Finally, the humorous part. Tyler is a butt hole for leaving my little brother with no choice but to drive home by himself. Tyler was intending to take a flight home today. I say intending because he will not be on that flight. Tyler's Drivers license is in the glove box of his trunk at a towing yard in North LA. Have fun in Chico!

On a more entertaining note...

I love him:

Grounded

So I was hanging out at my place last night, just chatting with friends. David asked, "Are you going out tonight?" My response was "No, I'm grounding myself..."

So that is exactly what I did. For the first time since god knows, when, perhaps since China in August...I did not go out at all on Friday. I was under house-arrest.

Needless to say I got bored of sitting on the couch after about 10 minutes and watched American History X, one of my top 5 movies of all time, and Slumdog Millionaire, a new entrant to my Top 5 list. Its not that I didn't understand all of the hooplah about Slumdog, I just wasn't sure if it was warranted. And now I am. I was so impressed with almost every aspect of the film, from the acting of the child stars to the emotion, both developed and in some scenes non-existent. I was hooked. Also, Two things, if you have not seen American History X; A.What the hell is wrong with you? and B. You definitely should!

I did not get much sleep last night which was the hole reason that I stayed home, but you know, sometimes sleep is trumped by...Other Things...Tonight was going to be night two of my incarceration, but Connor, one of my coworkers,is having a "Shin-Dig" at his pad, and I have urges that need to be satisifed...and lets be realistic, my ability to refrain from sins of the aluminum can, is pretty week. I am salivating just thinking about ice cold bud light...Oh god I need an intervention...and by intervention, of course, I mean a hosted bar!

In other news, Allison, my tramp of a co-worker, - I'm just kidding, she is a prude - is trying to find a loving home for her Weiner Dog Winston. If you know of anything let me know.

I have posted a link to my friend Francis' blog to the right hand side, y'all should check it out. He is a talented and articulate, and conveys some pretty cool thoughts and ideas along with some humorous stories. Some serious stuff, but the kind that makes you reflect and think. Not the useless garbage and rants that I decide to share with you here. Enjoy!

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. For the gays, thats the game with Tight Ends, Full Backs and odd shaped balls being thrusted around the pitch...I would definitely put my money on the Steelers winning...but since I have no money that is not a concern of mine. Therefore, I am going to pick the Cardinals in an upset, 27-17.

The End!

I Heart Jennifer Coolidge (Stiffler's Mother)

Ever since I spent that fateful day in Inglewood, I felt like a changed man...I think I need Double D Ass implants....

This is digustingly hilarious...

Either click the link or read the picture-less text below...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.

I can't explain it," said Nakajima, dressed in a pleated miniskirt and pure white knee socks. "There's just something about American men who are at least twice my age and nearly three times my body weight that totally drives me wild."

Added Nakajima, "They're so hot."

Though she finds all pasty, middle-aged men intoxicating, Nakajima said balding Midwesterners who carry most of their weight in their stomach particularly turn her on. According to the sexually inquisitive teen, she often daydreams about sleeping with a 43-year-old divorcé with poor hygiene habits.

"I like it when they dress up like middle managers," said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. "You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short."

The Japanese nymph then reportedly sighed, rolled over on her Hello Kitty bedsheets, and continued leafing through an old Rochester Big & Tall catalog.

While she has always been curious about men who attended state college before she was born, Nakajima said she first discovered her fetish after stumbling upon a late-night airing of Uncle Buck on television—a moment the teen now describes as her "sexual awakening."

"I was completely captivated by him," said Nakajima, referring to the obese, unemployed character played by John Candy. "He was so exotic-looking. It was like this whole new world of pleasure had just opened up for me."

Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures. The barely legal teen also discovered satellite broadcasts of ESPN2 around this time, and often stayed up all night ogling professional bowlers and competitive dart players.

Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as "pale man lying on couch eating" and "retiree + jowls + hardcore." The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.

According to psychologist Asuka Yasuhara of Tokyo University, Nakajima is not alone.

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity. "And it's easy to see why. Sweaty, forty-something Caucasians represent the epitome of mystery and wonder to Asian teens."

Added Yasuhara, "Plus, how can anyone resist those enormous, chafed thighs?"

Drawn by her curiosity, Nakajima has scheduled a vacation to St. Louis for early March. The trip—which falls on her 18th birthday—reportedly coincides with the American Society of Actuaries' annual convention, a four-day event during which Nakajima hopes to be seduced by "the heavyset man of [her] dreams."

Although she has long fantasized about traveling overseas and having a world of carnal delights revealed to her by an aging claims adjuster, the taut Japanese teen admitted that she is uncertain how she'll be received by American men.

"I just hope they don't mind the fact that I'm completely shaven," Nakajima said. "Oh, who am I kidding? They'd probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me."