So in my last post I commented on how I did not really believe in the 'effect' of new years resolutions. My logic was that its just another night in your life, and unless you resolve to do something about yourself nothing will change. You are the beginning of change in your own life. Makes sense, right? Well apparently, to a lot of people it does not and that is why resolutions fail.
A study by Miller and Marlatt shows that 92% of people admit to failing their resolutions. The example I will use is getting 'fit,' since the study found that almost 50% of people listed getting in shape/eating better as their resolution. The problem is, "going to the gym" is a tainted resolution. Are you going to continue this for the rest of your life? If you stop going in 34 years, did you fail? There is no end goal. Sure you can resolve to lose 10 Lbs by June. That works. A friend of mine, Justin, said something that makes a lot of sense. He said something like, getting in shape is not just something that you do. Its something you become. Its a lifestyle, not an activity, and it starts with changing you. This can be said for a lot of things.
About a month after my relationship ended, I resolved to improve myself. I have a lot of flaws and a lot of issues to deal with. I felt that I could learn more about myself by reading and writing. Nothing in particular, reading everything from text books, to wikipedia articles, to cinematography books, and I simply wrote whatever I felt like writing. I wrote about being overcharged by the phone company, about my room being messy, about wildfires, homeless people, Masonic temples, raccoon's, BPA free water bottles, my understanding of the human psyche(that was a short one), my definition of what I want in a friend, mending bridges, why things bother me, and so on and so forth. I feel that through these stupid little writings, some of them just a basic question and some bullet point answers, I learned a lot about myself.
I came home from work yesterday to my room, which was messy, with packed up boxes and stuff that should be thrown out, and realized, this is not me anymore. My surroundings, my lifestyle, it was strange, I just did not feel at home. I felt like I was still all packed up, like in a hotel or something. So I went all 'cleaning lady' on my room, threw a ton of stuff out, unpacked things, hung curtains, put away laundry, etc, etc, etc...
I woke up this morning refreshed, with a clear head, in a clean room, with beautiful sunlight peeking in. It was amazing. I had not felt this well in months. I was happy. I realized, that I have a handful of good friends, a great roommate, a loving family, and of course my Mexican Softball Team. I should be happy, I am lucky, I don't need to resolve to do shit. I just need to live my life the way I want to live it. I am not sure why it has taken me this long to figure this out. I just need to be me. Loud, obnoxious, intrusive, fun-loving Brandon. There are things that I want to change and am working hard at, getting in shape, excelling in my classes, thriving at my job...but those are not resolutions those are simply things that I am adapting to fit my lifestyle. The Brandon Plan. Its the new hot thing. I have a gym buddy, thanks, Lar-bear, I'm enrolled in my classes, and I think I might have the coolest job ever, with the best co-workers.
I saw some old co-workers last night at a softball fundraiser and they said, you look so good, you're smiling, you look happy. Its because for the first time in seemingly forever, I am.
Enjoy your weekend!
