Its hot

It is ridiculously hot...Not like titillatingly hot, but like uncomfortable to move hot. The kind of hot that makes you feel so sorry for people stuck outside that you want to bring them an ice cold beverage...but instead your sweaty lazy ass merely sits on your sweat saturated sofa and ferments along with the rest of the people in your shanty-town apartment complex.

Some people attempt to escape the heat by going to the movies or another public place with air conditioning. The only problem with that is that you have to deal with all the other assholes and their petulant searching for the coolest seat in the theater. Here's a suggestion, try the public library. Library's are those antiquated structures that hold those old book thingys, usually close to the Central Business District of your respective towns. No one goes there anymore. Should be a good place to cool down in relative silence.

I have compiled another list of places to go when it gets hot, and benefits they offer other than cold air. If you would like to add any to the list, then you need to make your own list. This is my blog, not yours.

Without further ado:

1. Your Local Pool - If you can fight off the hoards of fatties and defecating children, this is a great place to get wet and cool down. Another perk? Hotties in Speedos, or bikinis for my breeder readers...

2. Your Local Quickie Mart - Bring a few friends and a keg tap. Slip the cashier $50 bucks and see if he will let you hang out in the beer fridge. Tap a keg, sit back an enjoy!

3. Your Local Mall - Again, if fighting crowds is your thing, then this should work for you. Added Bonus: Go to Hot Topic/Fredrick's of Hollywood etc and find yourself a nice little pair of latex booty shorts and a fishnet tank top allowing for plenty of air circulation in your otherwise moist spots. Exhibit A.

4. Your Local Nudist Colony - As many of my Facebook friends have stated today, notably Jimmy, Ethan, Greg etc. Today is as good a day as any to be naked. And why relegate yourself to being buff in your own abode? Why not get back to nature and let the ole' twig and berries get some fresh air right? Look out for peeping tom's though, or peeping Brandon's for that matter. Added Bonus: Bring attractive friends for an enjoyably scenic adventure!

5. Your Local Skin Care Formulation Corporation - Completely coat you body in Camphor, Methyl Salicylate or Eucalyptus Globulus Oil. These are highly effective especially if your friends love the smell of Vicks Vapor Rub. Added Bonus: This should remedy any kind of lingering congestion from last nights illicit drug binge that you though was a good idea at the time.

6. Your Local Ice Rink - Duh

I hope that these 6 stay cool remedies help you beat the heat! If not, then come over to my place and hang out with me, I'm pretty distant and frigid...All the time...

Did anyone sans Jason Bowers miss me?

"So it has been awhile," would be a massive understatement. I have not written since publishing my 1st annual "Eff-You List." I would love to tell you about everything that happened, but frankly, I don't really remember much of anything from mid July til around David's birthday week. Not because of anything exciting like a drug induced coma or dementia, but simply because I just really don't remember. Sooooooo, using the platform of my new favorite website, Textsfromlastnight.com I am going to use incoming and outgoing text messages to frame a storyboard for my last month of life. Its only going to be a few events/conversations, simply because anything else would bore the piss outta me. If you are offended by me using any of our text conversations, then please don't text me anymore. :-) Cheers! All spelling and grammar errors hence forth are as they appear in original context.

July 15th:
David: Have a drink for me! Hey are you going to MyHouse tomorrow for open bar? If so, if I go will you take me straight to the airport after open bar? Haha, Drinks on me :)
Brandon: Yeah, no prob

***I have the best friends, hey Brandon I'll buy you free drinks if you drive me through the airport promptly after the prospect of way too many free drinks at an open bar.***

July 18th:

Brandon: I should be out of work by 2:30. What have you got planned? Wanna sit by the pool?
Jason: Let's do it!
B: Alright, I'll bring the vodka!
J: Haha, can we do boxed wine instead? I'm trying to keep away from the hard stuff.

***In was not able to go to San Diego pride due to work, so this seemed like the most plausible thing to do on a sunday afternoon. Although there was some aftermath from the friends who did go to San Diego, namely Nareth's Drunk Ass.***

Brandon: I can't make it
Nareth: You promised brandon! Stop making exauses! I'm walking to the BBQ now.
B: I'm not making excuses and I never promise anything. I have to work at 8am tomorrow anyways
N: Dude wrtd, when u said u wwerebt going to SF pirde unsaid u will go to SD pride
B: That's before I knew I had to work this much this weekend. Btw, Kris Allen...Awful skin!!!
N: Ok whatever, have fun aT Jasons

***This is the first time that my little gay bestie was mad at me. I was soooo upset, so then Jason and I drank and ate fried chicken. Happy Pride!***

July 22nd:

This one comes from a Facebook status update:

Brandon Watson is no longer in control of his emotions. Its kinda invigorating though, it makes me feel human. It makes me feel real. It makes me feel alive again...

***Can you say Koo-Koo!!! Or if you can't hit the right pitch, just say pathetically fucking nuts.***


July 25th:

Brandon: What are you doing?
David: Nothing, getting bored thinking bout going to the gym or shopping...u still at work?
B: I'm done. Wanna go to the gym?
D: Ehh I do but I don't...but I'll go...can you come over and watch me rotate my tires first :)

***Oh yeah, that's right, that is why I can't remember what the hell I am EVER doing, my life is sooo painfully boring. "Yeah, hell yeah!! I'd love to watch you rotate your tires!!!***

July 30th

Brandon: What did you do last night?
Greg: Oh nothing at all, haha, u
B: Damn
B: I'm really not completely sure. I was hoping I saw you out last night
G: Nope, what do u mean u don't remember? Were you drunk?
B: No, I had maybe 2 drinks over 4 hours. I have been making up stories all day about what I did last night, and they are all based off of assumptions of how my Tuesday nights normally go.haha
G: Um, Today is Thursday douche...
B: Yeah thats what I meant. I think...
G: Do you really not remember last night?
B: No! I remember taking a few tylenol PM because I was not feeling well and then heading out to the abbey? Or maybe Here lounge?
G: Dumbass, I was out last night! I said Hi to you, at the Abbey with all of your coworkers. You were taking pictures, waiting for two friends next door. You should really not take Tylenol opm anymore!!!!!!1
B: Ohhhhhh yeah! now I remember! Alright, gtg, just took some tylenol PM and am heading to the dodger game with David! :-)

***You can't be addicted to Tylenol can you?***


This brings me to Friday, August 7th. The day before David's B-day. His cousin Duy was in town so we were busy bodies trying to entertain him. My dearest amigo Chris Trudell from San Diego was taking his boat out on Lake Elsinore and wanted to know if we wanted to meet him out there. So we did. We had a blast on the lake, lots of bud light and El Pollo Loco. Then a nice Mexican Food Dinner after wards.

We got back in time to clean up and go to Rage, because, well, that's where David wanted to go, and he was in charge. Rage was fun, David was a tad bit smashed, but nothing compared to his straight cousin Duy who was simply dancing with anyone who would pay him attention. At one point someone bought a round of shots and we were getting ready to take them when he came stumbling over with a piece of cake... WTF?? "Duy, where the shit did you get that cake from?" to which he replied, "It's cake!" Yeah Duy, I know, Its cake...All was humorous.

The normal bar antics resumed for the next two nights, and then on Monday night, because the Bazaar has really ridiculous policies and poor communication skills, we went to Michael Mina's XIV on Sunset and Crescent Heights. The quality of food was great. A bit pricey, but the buttery delicious Kobe burger and the lamb chops were stellar. We went to Fiesta after for delicious Sweet Tea Vodka cocktail! I have a new found love!!

The next weekend, which fell sometime in mid-August(that is all the detail I know), was a little bit different kind of fun...It was Eric Pelovello's birthday and we all went down to Huntington beach for food, drinks and volleyball! It was a ton of fun. I actually got some color other than white or red and everyone had a gay ole' time! I found that running/jumping/diving in the sand results in really sore legs, coupled with an intense leg day at the gym two days later is no bueno.

This last weekend was Anthony's Pool Party on Saturday. Jason's best friends Drew and Peter were in town so it was an extra special party. Anthony co-owns a beautiful place in Sunvalley with a nice pool, spa and indoor bar/cocktail room. Needless to say all of them were utilized. Actually used and abused might be better word for it. We were there for a few hours and David was getting a bit complacent. He said "Let's start drinking." Little did I know what kind of mind-fuck was about to run me over. Let's just say, when David gets buzzed his vocab regresses back to that of a 2 year old kid learning his first words. A kid whose parents are both raging alcoholics. "SHOTS!" over and over and over...Its obvious why he is nicknamed "Shots." It was Okay though, I was not too bad. I had met a couple of new people and was socializing when Steven said, "Who wants to play flip cup?" .... Now, I am pretty gay, I like gay things, art, cinema, clothes, shoes, spas, theater, etc...but I'm not 100% gay...When I heard "Flip Cup" I turned into a menace, hungry to compete to prove that I am the beer chugging cup flipping king! And I did, I won a little tournament style thing that they had set up...And now I was hammered. I was not driving that night, so I kinda just let myself go to hell in a hand basket.

The next day, David and I went to Lunch with Elliott, Angie and Anne in Brentwood. Slightly hungover, we decided that Dim Sum is a fantastic way to go. And it was!! After lunch Elliott and Angie took off down to see the parents in SD and David and I went over to Toppers to sit in the steam room, and of course have a couple cocktails. Then Fro-Yo, then Micky's, then home to bed...

This is as much as I remember. I am going to try and post more often so that I DON'T have to resort to these mind-numbingly boring methods or data collection...

My Birthday is coming up, September 3rd. Still really not sure what I am going to do for it. Maybe just dinner and drinks. Maybe a Pool Party at Canvas LA? Not really sure. Any who, to those of you that stuck with me for this long, thanks for reading!

My Inaugural "Eff-You" List

I have compiled lots of things that annoy me, from the mundane(#12) to the serious(#59)

1. Here Lounge
2. Open Bar @ Here Lounge
3. 8AM Work shifts
4. Free Shots
5. Free Shots at Mickey's that are pint glass sized
6. Greenwich Village Pizza
7. Go-go dancers who smoke, as if you are not gross enough...
8. iPhone Alarm clocks
9. Open bar @ Here Lounge
10. Repetition
11. Waking up early
12. "Little People" (meaning anyone under 5'6", Eff-You Nareth, hehe)
13. Pat Buchanan
14. Open bar at "My House" (a future Eff-You)
15. My lack of Will-Power
16. Hope, the kind that misleads you to a point of destruction
17. Gays who think Obama is on our side
18. Anyone who has not seen The Never Ending Story and Labyrinth
19. Asher Roth
20. Lebron James
21. Organized religion
22. Millennium software
23. Miller High Life
24. The Gross Domestic Product of Iceland, which is made up entirely by Bjork's inaudible screams and Swan Dresses, but not Ice.
25. the :-P Emoticon. Is it a cute "sticky outty" tongue, or an angry one?
26. Catcher in the Rye, Snooze-Fest, and on that note, anything by James A Michner. C'mon, has anyone really read all 1088 pages of the source?
27. Fat People
28. Skinny People
29. People
30. Professional Sports in San Diego, I hope the Chargers move to LA!
31. This guy:
32. Jay-walkers
33. Hernias, never had one but they just don't sound that amusing.
34. Pontiac Azteks
35. Parking Meters
36. Things from Mighigan, Delaware, Alabama and Utah, in no particular order
37. Crocodicles, Alligators, you're cool, but Eff-You Crocodiles and your pointy snouts...
38. While on animals, Tarsirs, Geoducks, Rhode Island Reds, Pigeons, and anything that births its babies by way of its back. Yeah, I'm talking to you Mr. Suriname Toad!!


39. Motel 6
40. Whores
41. Anything born prior to the year 1900, quit taking my fresh air! You're turn is over!
42. Conservatives
43. Ultra-conservative, really now? Who is that stupid to label themselves as Ultra-Conservative. Its a direct translation to any of the following: Ultra...Racist/Ignorant/Socially awkward/misled/hateful/self-centered/etc, and is a direct translation in Swahili, I believe, to a Bag of Douche...I may be a little lost in translation though.
44. Depleted Uranium

45. Sarah Palin
46. Sarah Palin
47. Sarah Palin
48. Incandescent light bulbs
49. Wood Paneled Vans
50. Trophy Wives
51. Caddy Gays
52. Facebook Apps
53. Cancer
54. Douche Bag Straight Guys, and Douche Bag Gay guys for that matter
55. AT&T Wireless
56. 100 Spoke Rims
57. Love
58. Back Fat/Love Handles
59. World Peace via war, c'mon really now? Dumbasses
60. Everything Maple...Trees, Bats, wood, leaves, syrup, etc.
61. American Made Cars
62. Those Bugs that live in Watercress
63. Well Tequila
64. Naturally fit people
65. Kobayashi
66. Coffee Bean
67. Lava
68. Tiny Post-It notes
69. NorCal
70. People who get laid
71. 90,000 mile car tune-ups
72. People whom sparingly return your calls
73. Red-Eye, the movie, not the flights, and While I'm on movies, Land of the Lost, Jason and I saw it for free, and still felt ripped off!
74. Anything Will Ferrel, Post 2005
75. Texas Hold'Em
76. Harlequin-type Ichthyosis...look it up on You Tube
77. Generally everyone east of the Mississippi
78. Bad Pho
79. The Number 79

The End

Why I love my friends...

Today I'm writing about my friend Elliott.

On Tuesday, after I got outta work, I headed downtown to pick up Jason and head to the gym. My dear friend Ryan was driving back up to Berkeley from San Diego and was going to meet us for dinner and drinks after we got back from the gym. We ended up going to a Thai food place in Thai town called Red Corner. The food was incredible and I think my addiction to fried chicken may be subsiding, thanks to a revisited addiction to Yum Bla Muk, or lemongrass calamari.

Jason, Ryan and I head to the Abbey to meet up with some other friends for a casual drink. We got to the abbey and ordered a drink an waited for Elliott. I can almost pinpoint the exact moment, where the evening was sucked dry of all banality. Keep in mind this was a Tuesday. Ryan kept asking, why are we waiting for Elliott, who is Elliott? Needless to say Ryan was soon to find out who Elliott was. Elliott arrived about 30 minutes after we did and proceeded to buy a round of drinks. Three Vodka Sodas and Two Patron shots later, the lights started coming on. The bar was closing and we were kicked to the curb. Elliott wanted to go get some more food(on this brisk Wednesday Morning) so we did. When the little Korean restaurant refused to serve us more alcohol, at 3AM, we left and went to a karaoke bar in Korea Town. Cue surreal insanity....NOW!

We pull into the parking lot of a certain nameless karaoke bar on Harvard and Wilshire and my attention is immediately drawn to this Asian woman by the back entrance with a stroller. Thought #1, where the hell am I, Thought #2, Who the hell has a baby out at this hour, Thought #3, why does that woman have hairy knuckles and facial hair?? All three of these questions were answered when Elliott went and talked to her/him/her/whatever. It was a man, a very gay looking one at that, with a stroller and two Maltese dogs...WTF? Elliott and heshe chat for a bit in Korean, and then we go upstairs. The place is completely empty, again it is friggin' Wednesday morning at 3AM. We go into a karaoke room and are immediately bombarded with platters of fruit, cuttlefish and Korean ramen. We were RAVENOUS...Then came the large styrofoam cups of Soju and beer. As if it was not bad enough, heshe starts telling Jason how pretty he is and asking him if he has a girlfriend. After the laughter subsides, heshe starts asking us if we want girls tonight. He was trying to pimp call girls to three gay men and drunk Ryan at 3:30AM, Not the best marketing plan if you ask me.

The visual is priceless and I am really not sure my artists rendering will do it justice, so I will let your imaginations run wild. Elliott, Jason, Ryan and myself, karaoke-ing to Bohemian Rhapsody while he/she is groping on his/her prostitute while standing on the table, as two little Maltese dogs run around the room trying to eat what was left of the food...The most random night I have had in recent memory.

When we were driving home, Ryan finally understood why we were waiting for Elliott. Shit just kinda happens when you hang out with Elliott! Hahaha

Dog Semen, Dead people from the 80's and the return of a legend...

So my plans to go to SF for Pride this weekend fell through at the last second. At first I was a bit bummed and frustrated, but i really think it was a blessing in disguise. I don't really need to be wasting money on booze, and am still kinda reeling from LA Pride. I could use a weekend off. Been wasting a lot of time with a couple friends and have been loving it.

Everyone is dying. David Carradine(Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation), Ed McMahon(Decapitated by one of those big ass Publisher's Clearing House Checks), Farrah Fawcett(Butt-Hole Cancer), Michael Jackson(Cardiac Arrest) and now, the most recognizable of all, Billy Mays. Patrick Swayze is on Home Hospice and Steve Jobs is on his way to the big Apple Store in the sky.

This makes me think about death a little bit and how shitty it actually is. Not the whole dying part, but what everyone does after you die.

David Carradine's family is trying to cover up the fact that David was choking his willy while choking himself.

Michael Jackson's family is already fighting over his estate...Jesus people, at least wait til rigor mortis kick in. And now the gay allegations are flying, and all of his Aides are starting to talk. This should get interesting.

Farrah Fawcett did not have to die. If she just would have had a colostomy done she may very well still be here. But noooooo, she felt like she should be utilizing a German Homeopath...Darwin Awards anyone? When an educated oncologist tells you to do something or you will die, you should probably do it. Instead, you put some herbs in your bum and called it a day...How'd that work for you?

Ed McMahon was apparently a really nice guy, per my old roommate who was his IT guy. And I have nothing to say about Billy Mays. I just really hope that Oxi Clean does not replace Billy Mays with that god damned anal abscess from the Sham-Wow Commercials. Thats all I have to whine about now! Happy Pride Queers!

Pride, Burning houses and Flaming Queens...

So the last weekend has been pretty busy, both with work and the staggeringly boring social life. It was Pride weekend so I figured that even my social life would be jump started...I was right...and Jump-started it was.

My Pride Weekend started on Friday day. Jason and I went and got Pho at Pho 87 in China town. It was friggin' delicious. After the food coma kicked in, we sat around for a bit, played some nintendo wii, and then went out to the beverly center to get me a shirt for pride. Later that night, we headed over to Gary's casa for a little grub and grog where we met up with Mark and Evan. We got their around 8, made an ice cold beverage and parked it on the balcony listening to some music. Shortly thereafter, David, Nareth, Tim and a host of other gays got there. and the party had started.

The first drinks I made for Jason and I were a couple of heavy long islands. I have learned that the key to not spending money when going out is to do a little pre-drinking prior to the bars. So we did. When we were sitting outside, someone brought out a bottle of Jagermeister and a plate full of meatballs. Needless to say, the plate and bottle were both polished off in a matter of minutes...We walked down to the bars shortly after and kinda just hopped around the whole time, until finally the night had ended.

I worked Saturday Morning from 8-1, and then headed out to Downtown to go gymming with Jason before heading to the gayborhood. Jefferson was having a BBQ at his place so I picked up Allison and the three of us met up with everyone around 7:30 for burgers and kahlua! mmmmm...After the BBQ we went to the Abbey and other places of non-descript value, did our thing, and then took off around 2. We drove back to Jason's and hung out there for a bit before I took off around 4am.

Sunday was where everything gets a little crazy. Jefferson was having brunch at his place starting at 10am. I stopped by Ralphs grabbed some fruit and stuff and then headed over. Everyone their kinda looked/smelt of death reincarnate, but it was ok, its was PRIDE!! Haha The food was fantastic! Krispy Cremes, 151 Rum Cake, Pastries fruit, lumpia...Ahhhh, so good!!

Noon rolled around, Jason showed up, and we decided to head down to see the parade. It was nothing short of amazingly gay. Haha Shirtless dancing men everywhere! Because, well, that's just kinda what the gays do...Dance...Shirtless...

We did the usual little barhop, where we met up with Jung, Gi, and Wataru, and then headed to the festival. I had never actually been to the festival, and I was kinda impressed. I am not sure if I would have been able to spend the entire day there, but the few hours that we were there would suffice! After the festival Jung got an invite from a friend to go to Roland Emmerich's Pride party! Ummm, exciting! Haha. We parked Elliott's car, got into the shuttles and headed up the hill. The place was nuts. Huge house, beautiful pool and close to a billion gays everywhere.

It was pretty wicked! At one point of the night, Elliott decided to sit in a bush. It was an ass-high squared off shrub that apparently Elliott thought was, as Jason put it, a nature chair. We stayed there for a few hours, and then left. Jason went in his friends' car, and I was waiting for Elliott and Gi to get out of the bathroom so we could go pick Jason up. Elliott got out of the bathroom and we immediately went back to the shuttle and then pick Jason up...Hmmmmmm, whats missing here? Uh-Oh, Where's Gi?? Yeah, we did...we left Gi at Roland Emmerich's house, needless to say, he was not that thrilled. This is the kind of shit that happens in the movies. Wataru had left a bit earlier and I was under the impression that Gi went with him...Ooops, not quite the case...Luckily enough for Gi, our buddy John Han was there to save the day, and drove him back to WeHo. We picked up Jason and then called it a night around 1:30.

I said a few times this week that I was not going to be able to one-up my pride from last year, so I was not going to even try, but I think I did a pretty good job. I had such a great weekend, didn't spend a lot of money, and got to spend it with some pretty cool people! I am really amazed by the friends that I have made over the last few months!!

That is all!

Whoa, two in two days?

No nothing tragically painful or embarrassing has happened to me in the past twenty four hours, so if thats what you're here for, I thought I'd toss out the disclaimer.

To my last two remaining reader who is not here in a Sadists Fashion, I got good news yesterday. My Sister-in-law, Dearest Allyson, found out a couple weeks back that she was preggers. Sweet! Well they found out yesterday that the one little heartbeat is actually two. Double Sweet! Now, I really do not care for children, at all, but thats because of two reasons. 1. They are not mine, and B. I've never been able to use them as a weapon. >:-) I cannot wait for their first day with "Weird Gay Uncle Brandon," or as Kyle calls it DubGUB. One Baby = Chick/Dude Magnet, Twins = Oh My Goodness. I'm gonna get them sugared up and drop them off shortly before they start bouncing off the walls... "But we don't want anymore pixie stix, Weird Gay Uncle Brandon..." "If you don't eat the Pixie Stix, the Goblins under your bed will get you at night!"

Oh, I'm gonna be the best uncle ever! hahaha

Other than all that Breeder baby-makin' non-sense, I spoke to my boss yesterday. It had been a while since we had spoken and a little mini-rift had definitely formed between us. I felt it necessary for is to be on the same page. And now we are and all it took was a 3 minute phone call, and it feels oh so wonderful. Well, thats all I have for now. I don't until 5PM tonight for a few hours, so another day of boredom is about to commence in 3...2...1...

About damn time...

So It has been awhile, and I have had requests from numerous people, well, 2 of my three total readers, when am I going to post again, and that got me to thinking. The premise of this blog was to provide an outlet for me to more or less, bitch and moan about things that are out of my control, for example, shin contusions, angry violent elder Jewish Women and their continued assault on my ankles, constant letdown of day to day life etc... Well, to be honest, there has not been much of that going on. Both my jobs are as solid as one could imagine in this economy, and my social life is developing at a nice pace.

One of my largest concerns when I moved up here, was what if Jeff and I broke up? The only people that I would know are John, who now almost exclusively lives in Manchester, Nareth, who lives seemingly equally far away in Long Beach and Tim, who is always doing his own thing. I am a very friend-oriented person and love the company of others even if it is to do something as simple as watching TV or eating some grub. I love the potential of social interaction! I am a social whore! I have met so many wonderful people here over the last six months and could not be happier. I now live with Nareth and Allison, and from Jun, David, Chester and the rest of the girls to, Mayor Phil and his loyal constituents to my lovely valentine's day "Date" Francis and his wonderful Jason, I feel like my days are full of fun loving happy people who just get me. Or at least try to. I'm not easy to understand, but it says a lot when people make a conscious effort to get to know you.

The last week or so has been incredible. I feel that my work performance is top notch, my social life is fantastic and the love life, although not existent is just that. Non-Existent. Its not a burdensome thing looming over me like it had been for the last 5 months or so. Yeah, there are a few people that I am fond of, there always is, but I'm done making the first move. I simply don't feel the need or pressure to act on feelings. Plus I have decided that I really want to get to know someone well before I progress. So yeah, enough of the sobby, sappy crap, lets talk about me getting injured, something that over the past six month you have all showed some interest in...assholes.

I drove home the other night after dinner at Francis and Jason's, parked my car got out, stood up and racked my skull off of a low hanging pipe so hard, that there was a definitive crunching sound, coupled with a bright flash of light and an instantaneous feeling of nausea. The last time I hit my head this hard is when I suffered my first concussion, about 10 years ago...I was vacuuming...Yes, Vacuuming... I was telling Jason on Sunday when we went to the gym how I manage to hurt myself in the most ridiculous ways, ie, Semitic Ankle Ramage, Car Door Shin Contusions, drunk flag football(don't ever call out someone 3" taller and 100 pounds heavier, You will shatter your right hand, every time!), Vacuuming, riding your bike in the grass and even playing on an innocent air filled water bed mattress...ohhh, the good old days.
I never manage to hurt myself when in really compromising positions like drunk bicycling, drunken fence hurdling, skydiving etc. I am that guy.

I did have a very "Pay it Forward" kinda moment the other day. I went to the bank, and held the door for this lady, she was very sweet and was walking ahead of me to get in line. A woman cut right in between myself and the woman i held the door for. The woman I held the door for, looked at me, I was probably scowling and cursing the hag that cut me off, but she smiled and said, "Here sweetie, take my spot in line." The hag that cut me off was furious and started saying "That's not Fair!" and "You Cannot Do That!" My door lady looked her in the eye, and said, "Can you Please be Quiet, I don't have time to listen to your petty issues." I almost fell down laughing. I did my business and got out before this turned into a full-blown cat-fight. So the pay it forward part came later when an older gentleman was backing out of his parking stall at the now infamous "Assault on my Ankles" Walgreen's. I stopped and let him go. Oooops, how was i supposed to know he was going to back into the car across the way? So I turned a blind eye put my car in reverse and pretended to not have noticed anything...and not speak English.

All in all, life is going well right now. I will post a bit more often now, hopefully regarding happy things and cheerful uplifting snippets, but we'll see what happens! haha

Have a lovely week everyone, I will talk at you soon.

New Ambitions...

So I have been doing a lot of thinking recently and it took me back to a conversation that I had with David and Richard on a trek to Costco on New Years Eve day. The conversation pertained to what our dream jobs were. I think I said that my dream job was to be a general manager of a Major League Baseball team. My reasons were simple. Its fun, I love baseball, I love people and I enjoy a taste of control. Well, I have been thinking about that conversation recently and have reassessed what I am currently doing. I love working in spas for all the right reasons. Plus there are no two better companies to work for than SBE/Starwood and Marcus/Harry. I do want to expand my horizons a bit, and have started looking into promotions. I would love to start a promotions company. I have recently been looking around and reading up on successful club promotion companies, their roots and their revenue patterns. I am looking into getting a group of four or five "partners" together to start brainstorming this little venture.

Instead of a normal promotions company, I want to create an entity that focuses on giving back to the community. A solid event can rake $5,000-$10,000 a night. I am all about making a ton of money, but if I can organize events where people have a good time and can kick a couple grand to charity every week, i would be thrilled. I have a couple friends, Darrell and Francis who have expressed interest and are both currently involved in non-profits, and now i feel like i need to recruit someone who has some experience in promotions as a "advisor." I really think that this could be something that really takes off. With the right marketing and publicity I think that this venture could be really successful and beneficial to the community. If you have any promotions experience or simply know that you can recruit a ton of people i wanna hear from you!

Other than that, I have been doing just a lot of packing and unpacking. I still do not have a fridge yet, but am working on that. I love having my own room, but do miss some of the luxuries of the fully furnished place that I left. Everything here is good, business is great at the Envy and is really picking up at SLS. I am at an awesome place in life right now, stressful, but awesome. I finally feel like i have found a nice balance of work and play. Sorry I don't have more dismal news for y'all, but thats about it!

Those Damn socialist Liberals...

I'm getting tired of these right wing e-mail campaigns condemning the so-called "democrats march to socialism". Do me a favor, for all of you who are forwarding these e-mails take a little bit of time and do some research as I am doing for this post.

Step 1: Look up Joseph McCarthy and his book, "McCarthyism: The fight for America." Sen. McCarthy was routinely accused of attempting to discredit his critics and political opponents by accusing them of being Communists or communist sympathizers. In the 1950 Maryland Senate election, McCarthy campaigned for John Marshall Butler in his race against four-term incumbent Millard Tydings. In speeches supporting Butler, McCarthy accused Tydings of "protecting Communists" and "shielding traitors." McCarthy's staff was heavily involved in the campaign, and collaborated in the production of a slander-laced campaign tabloid that contained a composite photograph doctored to make it appear that Tydings was in intimate conversation with Communist leader Earl Russell Browder. A Senate subcommittee later investigated this election and referred to it as "a despicable, back-street type of campaign," as well as recommending that the use of defamatory literature in a campaign be made grounds for expulsion from the Senate.

McCarthy did not stop there. President Harry S. Truman, who needless to say, did not quite get along with McCarthy referred to him once as "The Best Asset the Kremlin Has", because of the dividing and destructive nature of McCarthy's "witch-hunt." McCarthy essentially ran around pointing at anyone in his way and screaming communist. He single-handedly instilled such fear into the American people that it indirectly resulted in the start of "Military Intervention" in this small civily-sparring nation on the western Pacific seaboard called Vietnam. McCarthy pointed out that if communism took hold in Vietnam, then the rest of the Asian Nations would fall like dominoes followed by the rest of the world...America marched in to "save" the world from communism and promptly got their asses handed to them by a more determined people defending their way of life from these "round-eye" invaders. Communism was now a global concern. So we managed to get embarrassed and lost a half million young men and women in this effort to stop something we knew nothing about. After we left Communism did spread...and nothing ever really came of it. Hmmmm, kinda anti-climactic...

McCarthy even launched an investigation into the Army Signal Corp. Really? Idiot...It took McCarthy Just over 4 years to get his ass booted. On December 2nd, 1954, the Senate voted 67-22 to censure McCarthy and condemn all his actions due to the fact that he: "failed to cooperate with the Subcommittee on Rules and Administration," and "repeatedly abused the members who were trying to carry out assigned duties..." In addition: " the special Senate session...was a 'lynch party,'" and had characterized the committee "as the 'unwitting handmaiden,' 'involuntary agent' and 'attorneys in fact' of the Communist Party," and had "acted contrary to senatorial ethics and tended to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute, to obstruct the constitutional processes of the Senate, and to impair its dignity."

Now while these e-mails that are cycling are not exactly disgraced Senators from Wisconsin, they are in the same line, and the same belief as McCarthyism...Conservatives...You had your chance, and you blew it. The country is on the border of financial ruin because your fateful leader decided to do nothing about what was inevitably coming over the last 20 years. Get over yourselves. Its your turn to get on board or get the hell out. The same thing that you told the liberals after Bush stole his second election. If you don't like it, leave...Well, if you are not getting on board, then get the hell out! You make it sound like the Democrats are wronging so many people. Well, they are not. There is a reason that we control congress and the Presidential Seat, because you blew it. On November 4th, my vote for Obama was worth the same value as your vote for McCain. America's voice has been heard.

Here is my little motto of the day:

"Its really easy to point fingers without looking at your own flaws and inaction."

I know that my thoughts jump all over the place and there is a really thin timeline associated with this blog, but just bear with me, I was/am a little upset and am not concerned with structure or syntax...

Endorsed by the wonderful me...

My dear friend Darrell wanted me to see if I can grant some exposure to his non-profit...Normally I would not succumb to the pressure of these damn non-profits, but...I'm kidding I love non-profits! In fact, I consider myself a non-profit. I have asked for donations many a time...

Anyways this one is really cool. I am sure that a lot of you have heard of Liberty Hill. Well they are doing a charity fundraiser raffle for a brand spanking new 2010 Honda Insight! Tickets are $100 a piece which might seem like a lot, but look at it this way...if you work an extra shift...Boom theres a hundred bucks! Sell your old bike/treadmill/little brother that you never ride/run-on/liked on E-bay...Boom, theres a hundred bucks. Sell your left(or right) kidney on the black market...Boom, theres a...well actually at the going rate for kidney's you could probably just buy an Insight...But thats not the point. Charity is fun. Trust me. Because I said so...

Here is the link to the donation page. Check it out. Even if you do not have the funds to donate maybe your friends do. If you have a blog pass it on! You can buy as many tickets as you want to, and if you purchse four you get a fifth one free!

http://libertyhill.typepad.com/main/2009/03/a-hybrid-for-100.html

Thanks all and have a lovely day!

Why AT&T Blows...

I HATE AT&T. I logged on to pay my bill yesterday on my off day. My bill is typically $85 or so dollars a month. My bill was $451.84. I was a bit shocked. So I called their customer service and sat on hold for 45 minutes only to find that someone, not me, authorizes $365 worth of roaming charges in Europe. They said that sometimes in fraud situations, cell phone #'s can be cloned...WTF? Cloning cell phone numbers has not been an issue since the turn of the millenium...

The Good News: I am having all of the charges removed and a $25 convenience credit placed on my account.

The Bad News: My phone may not be active until Tomorrow, Thursday, at 6am...Goddamn AT&T...

If anyone needs to get ahold of me, feel free to facebook me! haha...Crap...

Has anyone else had this happen to them? Are there any preventative measures?

Why we need help...

I'm a Star

Watch the video and see if you can see my forehead! haha

http://www.myfoxla.com/dpp/entertainment/lisas_la/Lisa_LA_Ciel_Spa_20090312

The Last Week or so...

So I finally got my new laptop set-up and ready to go. I am in the midst of transferring all of my pics and videos from Brett's Laptop over to mine. He is a life-saver. I was a little worried for a second there that I had lost all my pics from London and China. Needless to say it would have been devastating.

Move-in day is fast approaching. We get the keys and do the lease thing on Friday. We are excited, its going to be a good thing. Definitely a step in the right direction.

I have been really busy recently between, "The Envy," SLS and Business with Sephora for Topper, but busy is good right? I am very thankful that I am still gainfully employed in two hospitality industry jobs. Realistically, I am defying the odds. Generally in a time of recession, people tend to cut out the excess, like $300.00 facials and $800 spa packages...but for some reason, the wonderful "upper-crust" of West Los Angeles still finds it necessary!

Two Sundays ago was the first Sunday that I had off in a long time so I decided to go see Topper and hang out there for a bit. Then I got the itch to go do something. So i texted David and Nareth and we organized a golf outting! I have not swung my clubs in about 6 months. It was okay though, Nareth, Kevin,David, Richard and their friend Tom have swung a golf club a combined 0 times. This was going to be fun!! Hahaha I was definitely cringing every time they swung the club. Not because of the lack of mechanics, bu because I was fearfull of snapping hosels and flying clubheads and the like. It was a blast though. I took some sweet action shots and am going to post those shortly on Facebook. It was good to get out and hit some balls. Like I said I had not done that in a long time.

I somehow managed to wiggle my way out of work this last Sunday also...Two Sundays in a row! wow! David managed to get a Luxury Box from one of his reps for the Lakers/Mavericks game. It was AWESOME!!! It was David, Richard, Ellis, Ron and myself. First Lakers game I have ever seen. If the tickets were more affordable, I would make it a regular outting! I love my Lakers.

We went to this awesome little place called WurstKuche after wards for some sausages and beer. Its on the corner of Tracton and 3rd on the border of Little Tokyo, The Toy District and the Fashion District. They had some fantastically interesting sausages including mixtures of ostrich, bison, rabbit, deer, rattlesnake and rabbit. Plus the beer selection was reminiscent of a Minerature Stone Brewery. Lots of really good Belgians including Delirium Nocturnum and Tremes. Also, Houblon Chouffe, which I have not seen forever and your standard Chimays...It was an awesome little place and a lovely cap the a great day.

Last night was "Love a Mick" night at the Abbey, or more commonly, and less offensively known as St. Patricks Day. So what does the Abbey do?? They book a bunch of "Little People" and dress them as leprechauns. David and I met everyone at Phil and RD's and got our "Discount Drunk" on. We then headed down the hill where the headlining entertainment was this woman named "Little Britney." She was a dwarf, who resembled Britney. She was crass, could not sing worth a lick and kept calling us bitches...but imagine for a second a 3'2" blond woman, stripping down dancing on tables and serenading 6' tall gay men...and what song was she singing? Circus...Ohhh, how befitting...Circus...

The last week of two have been busy but fun! I will not wait this long between posts anymore simply because I struggle to remember everything that happens...Hope you all have a lovely day and that the hangovers are not too bad!

B

I love crabs

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

Hello Party People

So this is the first post that I have made since the beginning of March. My laptop of almost 5 years decided to crap out on me. I just got my new one a few hours ago and am loving it...So back to blogging...

Here are a couple of updates...

My beloved A-hole, Rettles and I are getting a place on Bedford Drive just south of Airdrome. Its a fantastic little 3 bedroom place with a nice view and plenty of space for us to all do whatever it is that we do. The important part about this, that is, the part that affects all of my minions(you) is the housewarming party. I'm thinking delicious pastries ala J's B-day and a massage therapist on staff doing chair massage. Ohhhh, and of course, lots of drinks. :-) its in the plans, but I guess first we need to make sure that we get the place.

Work has been intense. I am on a nice schedule of around 7-8 hours a day. I am working 7 days a week, but am strangely not getting burnt out. Both jobs are a nice change of pace from one another. I work 4 days at SLS Hotel and then 3 days at "The Envy."

As far as a social/love life goes...I have resigned to the fact that I am just meant to be single until further notice. I have lost the drive to pursue things, and will just live my life with myself being priority number one instead of someone else. A-Hole and I have both been going out a lot recently, which is usually a ton of fun. Neither of us have been drinking too much when going out. As David says, "Ballers on a Budget." I have met a lot of super people recently and feel like i have made some lovely new friends.

I will post more later, but for now, back to playing with my new toy...my laptop perverts.

B

Dude, Where's my Street

Last night I went to J and Eric's for J's B-day. It was lovely to see everyone smiling and happy. I on the other hand was irratable and dissatisfied with my current situation. I was not drinking and had been dry for a couple days. Every time David yelled "Shots!" I salivated and then quickly got pissed off. I was parched and all I could drink was fruit Juice. So I found another, non-blood-thinning vice which will not be named, and began enjoying myself.

Midnight rolled around and everyone was pretty tuckered out. RD and Phil were taking off and it seemed like a good time for Uly and I to hit the road also. I walked Phil and RD out said goodnight, and then walked to my car. What happened after that was a mystery... I have never been so out of it. I was in some kinda zone. Keep in mind, I was stone cold sober. I have never had my mind so far detached from my body before...Below i a basic map with two routes marked. One is the way I took to J and Eric's and the other was the route I took home. I will let you figure out which is which. At one point on the way home. I text RD to say I was lost. I was less than a mile from my house and was so disoriented that it was mildly humorous...And now the map:



This is the kind of disorientation that I experience when NOT under the influence of booze...Sigh...

The Emperor's...errr...the Kings New Clothes"

King Ron, the Exalted, God Appointed, Divine Law Ruler of the Men's Locker Room of the 24 Hour fitness was clothed when I came in yesterday. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Why are you still hooked on Ron?" or "Clothed? What? How?". To answer the first question, my life consists of work, boredom and Ron. Which one would you write about? Now onto the second question, I'm not really sure how he got into clothes. I don't mean that it is far-fetched that the man was clothed, I mean, how in the hell did he get into those pants? Not too many people can sport what appear to be opalescent white Alligator Leather pants. Ron can do whatever he wants though, he's the King...Oh, how I long to be his Queen.

I have been a bit stressed recently, some personal issues and some not so personal issues. I have not had a day off since February 9th and it is starting to take its toll. I am getting tired and just want a Brandon day where I can ignore everything else that's going on in my disheveled existence and relax, maybe play a video game or watch a movie. I am not burnt out due to all this work, I am only doing 7 and 8 hour days. Its not like I am working 90 hours a week. Also, it helps that I really do love both of my jobs and my coworkers. Unfortunately I do not have a day to myself until March 5th. I can at least count down to it though right?

This morning before work I decided to treat myself to a delicious Venti non-fat, unsweetened Starbucks Double shot on Ice. Five heavenly shots of espresso, a splash of skim milk all poured over ice...orgasmic. The guy in line behind me was this HUGE bald white guy. After I ordered I went and sat down and started staring at him. He was wearing a wife-beater and a sleeveless khaki shirt. He looked like some Aryan Nation blowhard that you can find in Fallbrook. But I decided not to judge. Then when they called his name, Penrose, I knew it...I knew his life story, it goes something like this:

Penrose was born in suburban Tuscaloosa, Alabama to his parents Clyde and Mona. He was one of 16 children "thriving" in a 2 bedroom shanty. Every morning, he and his pediatric army of soldiers marched to school in Tuscaloosa where, Penrose was teased and taunted because of his name...and the stupid look that he carried on his face from dusk til dawn. Penrose developed a deep-seeded hatred for those around him, and found his only friend to be a Willow tree in his front yard that he affectionately named Madge, short for...ummm...Madgey. Now, Penrose, is a racist, gun-toting bigot who talks to Willow trees in La Cienega park and wears horrendous clothing. Pictures to follow...The End

I am obviously suffering from severe boredom and would like to be saved from banality at this point...any suggestions?

Hi-tech, low tech Brandon

So as I mentioned before, my laptop is on the fritz, and I can safely say that it was working just fine until I ran a boot time scan with Avast Antivirus software. I asked their tech support for help and they told me that I need to run a windows reinstall on my laptop. This means that all of it music, 6000+ songs are gone, and more importantly all of my pics, pics with my grandpa in Hawaii, pics from NYE in London last year and my pics from the olympics might be gone... Wiped clean because their product removed something in my windows startup sequence...thanks guy I really apreciate your help...

On a morbid and gruesome note, I saw a car accident on the way home from the gym. It was one of those accidents that kick the spinning earth off it's own axis. A 5000Lb range rover t-boned a 7500Lb late 90's model suburban. The gruesome part was the 36" diameter hole in the front windshield of the range rover...tsk tsk, now where are your seatbelts mr. Range rover...I guess that smear of a person womb make the same mistake again. I just don't understand why you don't wear your seatbelts...there are so many fun things in life that can kill you, why leave it up to something as trivial as buckling your friggin' seatbelt.

That's all I want to type now, seeing as I am blogging off of my iPhone. And my hands are beginning to cramp up. :-)

I hope all is well with everyone! Take care and buckle up! Oh and if anyone know anyone with an extra laptop, I need it for work stuff and internet. I'll buy it!!! Thanks!

Ron part 2 and my "Real" Silver Lake Experience...

Yesterday I went to the gym and actually me Ron officially for the first time. He probably felt it necessary to at least know the name of the guy who stared in awwwe and the giant Sequoia growing between his legs. I introduced my self, shook his hand and that was it. He was wearing his underwear at this point, which was kinda refreshing because I really did not feel comfortable getting up and close with King Ron's "Cap'n Ron." I had a good work out, did some cardio, kept the heart rate fairly moderate. No more 193 beats per minute for me now. Even in full exertion it only gets up around 170. So yeah, enough of the boring stuff...

Sunday night, I volunteered to cover for A-hole because she was down for the count with Strep. So after having been at SLS since 10AM, I went to the envy to help Marsa close. Harry and Shawn started harassing me to meet them at "El Conquistador" in Silver Lake for a margarita...So I did. I got there around 10PM, and they were both blotto! I had a delicious little quesadillia and an even more delicious not so little margarita. I had not eaten since a 3:30 lunch at the SLS cafeteria, so I figured food might be a good idea at this point. After I chowed down, "The Hobbits" and myself walked over to this, and I quote, "Awesome, little bar. You're going to be fresh meat, they are going to love you." Harry's statement should have made me yawn, proclaim exhaustion and leave, but I am apparently a stupid, stupid boy. We went to The Eagle, which I will now refer to as "The Vulture," dissect it however you'd like, and grabbed a pint or two of Bud Light. Harry handed me my beer, and said bottoms up! So I chugged my pint. He did not. In what world does bottoms up not mean to chug your 20oz pint. Anyways, ordered another pint and nursed this one. We were just sitting around making fun of people when I got up to use the bathroom.

Now, I find a certain type of person attractive...generally they need to be good looking, over 5 feet tall, not a metric ton, and have all four major appendages(although the last one is not always necessary). There were one or two attractive people in the bar, and as I was waiting in line for the bathroom, a tall, handsome, blond "Surfer Guy" approached me and stood next to me. Here is the dialogue:

Douche: You in line?
Me: Yeah
Douche: You heading in there?(meaning the bathroom)
Me: Uhhhh, yeah, this is the bathroom line isn't it?
Douche: You want some company?
Me: No Thanks.
Douche: You want me to go in with you?
Me: I said No...
Douche: I can make it worth your time...(As he winks at me, yes winks)
Me: What part of NO don't you understand, fucking ass-clown!
Douche: Dude, Its OK, I was just asking if you wanted to hang out in there.
Me: Hang out in the Bathroom? Who the shit hangs out in the bathroom. Stop talking to me, you're giving me a migraine.

So he got out of line and went back to sit down at the bar. I was not trying to be mean, I just don't know how to handle stupid people and get flusterred and verbally abusive. I'm sure he was telling his buddy what a prick I was, but, I guess I was just not ready to get propositioned at a leather bar, no matter how good looking the guy was. I still have a shred of dignity left, and I am going to try and hang onto it!

After The Vulture, Shawn wanted to venture down to another "Fine Establishment," El BarCito...Or as Harold referred to it, Little Tijuana. We got frisked by an armed security guard when we went in, and pretty much got frisked by all the bar patrons the rest of the night. When I saw the armed security guards, my first thought was, ohhhh, it is just like Tijuana! There was some cross-dresser on stage singing what seemed to be Mexican Showtunes in a really out of pitch voice. Not to mention his/her dress was a touch too tight in the front crotchular region. I'm not critical of cross-dressers, transgenders, etc, in fact I have all the respect in the world for them. They are the last portion of the American population to shunned in almost every walk of life. It takes some guts to be who you believe you are. HOWEVER, I was being visually raped by his/her frontal appendage, and it was time to go.

It was quite the interesting evening. I had been to MJ's in Silver Lake before, but now I think I truly have an understanding of what this sleepy little town is all about...Large Men, Leather, Bud Light and Touchy-Feely Latinos...Hmmmm, stinks a lot like a gay Escondido if you ask me...

Ron's Junk

I have named this blog after someone whom I really do not know all that well. Ron is a member at my gym. When I get there between 7-8AM Ron is walking around the men's locker room naked. When I leave, between 9-10AM, Ron is still naked. He is the self proclaimed, "King of the locker room. He is that guy who knows everybodys name and feels it is necessary to speak to everyone when they come in and out of the locker room. Normally, this is just a nuisance, but what gets me about Ron, is there is something different about him, and I am pretty sure that I know exactly what it is. Now, I am well aware that I am a gay male and as a gay male, the first thing my eyes drift to when confronted with a naked man is in the "Groinular" region. A simple, innocent compare and contrastm, and I also know that whether they will admit it or not, most straight men are prone to the exact same thing. Now I'm not going to "Innuendo" this like I normally do, so if you a skiddish around abnormally MASSIVE bodyparts, skip down two paragraphs. Ron is endowed. I'm not talking about 9" endowed, I'm talking like, the poor soul has never had sex because he is so endowed. There is not a woman in the world who could handle it. If I had one 12" ruler, I would have been out of luck. This thing requires at least 2. I'm thinking in the neighborhood of 14-16". I simply cannot fathom the logistics of it. There is no way in hell...

So, anyways, Ron seems to know a lot about everyone in the locker room. "Hey Steve how's the Wife? Did you see the Dodgers missed out on Manny" As the usual banter goes...But today it was strange. There was this tall lean shirtless asian guy named Peter in the locker room. No, i was not staring, he did not strike me as being even remotely attractive, so lets not even start with all the "rice queen" remarks, A-holes...Ron, looked at Peter and said, "Peter, lookin good man! Your gettin pretty big, eh?" and Peter responded with, "Well Josh and I broke up, so I am back on the prowl. Ha-ha" I don't know if I was more shocked that Peter was in a locker room full of guys announcing his orientation or that Ron, who really is the King of the men's locker room, is just chatting people up and giving hand shakes while his elephantitic appendage swings to and fro like a wrecking ball in motion...

I think thats all I need to say about Ron...

I had a wonderful Valentine's day, other than working from 9am-9pm. In typical Brandon fashion, I took my friend Francis to Koo-Koo-Roo...Red Lobster was booked...Haha. I had origianally planned on taking him to this nice Italian place called Benvenuto on Santa Monica and La Cienega. And when we got there it was closed...out of business apparently. Option #2 was the Courtyard across the street...Which had a large "For Lease" sign posted out front...WTF? So, again, in classic Brandon fashion, when Francis said, "Do you wanna just eat at Koo-Koo-Roo?" I emphatically said "Yes, yes I do."

I got a kick out of eating at Koo-Koo-Roo because of a bit of an inside story, that Francis was not aware of. I have an insatiable appetite for cheap restaurants and over processed food. For my birthday last year, Jefferson asked where I wanted to go to dinner. He asked sarcastically if I had any interest in Sizzler. I got giddy like a school girl! Then 18 days later for his birthday, I took him to Red Lobster in the valley. I got such a kick out of Koo-Koo-Roo on valentine's day that it really did not matter what I ordered, or what happened the rest of the night.

Francis and I went to the Abbey afterwards and met up with the rest of the gays for an after dinner beverage. Good times were had by all. I met a couple other people who apparently I had met before but had no recollection, lo siento.

Work at SLS started and is starting to get intense. The amount of work and effort that goes into every guest is incredible. They are waited on hand and foot. Of course if I were paying $500.00 for a facial and a massage I would expect some munchies and other luxuries. But wow, I am on my feet all day. Time flies though when you are having fun!

Other than a couple little non-blog worthy health issues, everything has been going pretty swell. Still trying to gain back that weight that escaped me over the last few weeks of illness, ughh...I got down to 185#, then dropped to 175# when I got sick and am now at 178#. 7 more Lbs. to go!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and President's Day Weekend.

The last couple days...

I have been sick. Not sick in the head or gross like I am sure many of you already assume but, better put, I have been ill. I have been coughing up things that look remotely like something you would pull out of a clogged sink...How did that get there? Hmm... Yesterday, I was at work from 1-9pm and was hurting pretty badly. By 2PM, I was sitting in the bathroom crying from the pain. I was so achy and sore that I was getting the shakes. I needed to do something, and fast. So I got a massage! haha I booked an hour with one of our newer therapists, Sean Elias and within an hour, I felt like a million bucks. My throat still hurt, but the aches and chills were completely gone. I am not at all a massage skeptic, in fact i absolutely believe that it should be part of everyone's health care plan. But this was such a pleasant surprise. I cannot even explain the difference from before and after, it was incredible! I highly recommend her.

Friday night, we went out to Rage for their 6 year anniversary. It was an open bar from 9:30-10:30! As soon as the clock struck 9:30, David had five shots of vodka ready to go. Now as I am sure some of you know, I am a vodka connoisseur, I love vodka on the rocks. but this vodka shot was poured into a 5 ounce rocks glass...REALLY?? uggh, so we all took are shots and were ready to go. It was a fun night, a couple more drinks, some dancing and lots of walking in order to sober up our driver.

Last night, I took out one of my co-workers who was in town for just a few days. He had never been out in LA during his couple of quick visits. I think he had a good time, we grabbed a drink at East West and then walked to RD and Phil's to meet up with Rettles, Frang, RD and Phil. It was Abbey time. My friend had never been to the Abbey, so he was in for a treat. We went to Java Detour for a pit stop and then headed over to the Abbey where we met up with David and Richard. Fun times, Nothing too dramatic occured, sorry. Got to bed at around one and woke up this AM at about 9.

I am in San Diego now and looking forward to a couple days away from LA. Hopefully some clothes shopping with Mommy tomorrow, and dinner with the friends down here. I did discover something fascinating on my way down...I'm all hoarse due to whatever is making me sick, and I have found that I can sing along to "The World I Know" by Collective Soul almost in perfect pitch! Oooh, gotta go, my Breakfast Burrito is here!

Something new...

I decided since my life has been a bit lackluster of late, I was going to find something to consistently post about that is entertaining for the masses(my 3 readers). So I thought, what better to do than to essentially point and laugh, albeit through the Internet, at OTHER peoples misfortunes, and not my own...

I have decided to post disturbing, yet funny videos and content found throughout the web...Now if I use a video of yours and you do not want me too, don't threaten to sue...just ask me to take it down, and I might comply.

I posted a term yesterday in my blog about "Penis Clams" that most of you are probably not familiar with, and if you are, then you are either a loser or a tree...or a Dermatologist. The term was Epidermodysplasia verruciformis. Basically, you contract HPV, and you turn into a tree. No Joke, watch the video below. Its Trippy.



I hope you enjoyed your first dose of the less fortunate...Tomorrow, Tape Worms!

Cheers, B

The most disgusting things ever...

Ok so evolution has played some really cruel jokes on anamalia over time, The Dodo(Flightless idiot), the Surinam Toad(Look it up on Youtube) and Epidermodysplasia verruciformis(Half man half tree) just to name a few. But today I was exposed to something so commically sad, that I had to post it. I love seafood. Correction I loved seafood. I loved shellfish, oysters, clams and the like. However, after being exposed to the Geoduck, pronounced gooey-duck, I have had to rethink my tastes for seafood and certain external male reproductive organs. It is a large clam with an uncircumcised male appendage-like...appendage protruding from it...Just see for yourself...




Apparently they are best served in Clam Chowder...Enjoy...

Funny Stuff...

Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday, and was supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun. Not that it wasn't, but it just started off and ended very atypically...Let me preempt my Sunday with a tale of a phone call I got late Saturday night...

Allison, Kristen and I went to Norms for some late night grub and I got a phonecall from the little brother Adam. His calls are usually just random questions. This time was different. He had gone to Chico with his friend Tyler and was now on his way home. Tyler decided that he was going to stay the night, which Adam did not want to do. Tyler told Adam to drive his truck down and that he would just take a flight the next day. Adam begrudgingly said OK. So Adam left at god knows what time and headed south. He made it all the way to Stockton before falling asleep behind the wheel, rear-ending someone and careening off the road and down a ravine. Funny right? Well, he was not hurt, so it is ok to laugh...This is where it gets legitimately comic though.

After the tow truck gets Tyler's truck back on the road and charges Adam $143.00, he starts heading south again. He pulled off and grabbed a couple red-bulls before continuing. He was wide awake the rest of the way, problem was, it was now about 3AM, and his fuel tank was on empty. All the money that he had had been given to the tow truck driver. Adam, emptied out the change pocket, found some Visa giftcards and even borrowed money from presumably a homeless person(they are the only one's out at 3AM in Central California). Now if you ask my opinion, which you are, or else you would not be reading this, Adam is a survivor. Forget Bear Grilles or whatever his name is, Adam is offering a clinic on how to Survive in Butt-F*** Egypt...Impressive...With his new found wealth he got enough gas to get home. If the story ended here, I would have thought, wow, what a crazy night...But, in typical Watson fashion, there were more antics to come...

Adam had gotten all the way through the grapevine and was on the 210 about 10 miles from his house when a small early Nineties Ford Tempo changed into his lane, Adam swerved in Tyler's already abused vehicle and hit a wall at 55MPH. Funny right?? Haha

Obviously he was again OK. This time Tyler's truck was not though. Soooooooo, Long story short, My Mom called me this morning and asked if I wanted to meet them for lunch and that they had just picked him up in La Crescenta. So I got to spend some time with the parents which was nice. My Dad had never been up to see me before, so it was fun! We went to Norms, where I order the "Loaded Hashbrowns" for the second time in 10 hours...Not advisable! Anyways...

Finally, the humorous part. Tyler is a butt hole for leaving my little brother with no choice but to drive home by himself. Tyler was intending to take a flight home today. I say intending because he will not be on that flight. Tyler's Drivers license is in the glove box of his trunk at a towing yard in North LA. Have fun in Chico!

On a more entertaining note...

I love him:

Grounded

So I was hanging out at my place last night, just chatting with friends. David asked, "Are you going out tonight?" My response was "No, I'm grounding myself..."

So that is exactly what I did. For the first time since god knows, when, perhaps since China in August...I did not go out at all on Friday. I was under house-arrest.

Needless to say I got bored of sitting on the couch after about 10 minutes and watched American History X, one of my top 5 movies of all time, and Slumdog Millionaire, a new entrant to my Top 5 list. Its not that I didn't understand all of the hooplah about Slumdog, I just wasn't sure if it was warranted. And now I am. I was so impressed with almost every aspect of the film, from the acting of the child stars to the emotion, both developed and in some scenes non-existent. I was hooked. Also, Two things, if you have not seen American History X; A.What the hell is wrong with you? and B. You definitely should!

I did not get much sleep last night which was the hole reason that I stayed home, but you know, sometimes sleep is trumped by...Other Things...Tonight was going to be night two of my incarceration, but Connor, one of my coworkers,is having a "Shin-Dig" at his pad, and I have urges that need to be satisifed...and lets be realistic, my ability to refrain from sins of the aluminum can, is pretty week. I am salivating just thinking about ice cold bud light...Oh god I need an intervention...and by intervention, of course, I mean a hosted bar!

In other news, Allison, my tramp of a co-worker, - I'm just kidding, she is a prude - is trying to find a loving home for her Weiner Dog Winston. If you know of anything let me know.

I have posted a link to my friend Francis' blog to the right hand side, y'all should check it out. He is a talented and articulate, and conveys some pretty cool thoughts and ideas along with some humorous stories. Some serious stuff, but the kind that makes you reflect and think. Not the useless garbage and rants that I decide to share with you here. Enjoy!

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. For the gays, thats the game with Tight Ends, Full Backs and odd shaped balls being thrusted around the pitch...I would definitely put my money on the Steelers winning...but since I have no money that is not a concern of mine. Therefore, I am going to pick the Cardinals in an upset, 27-17.

The End!

I Heart Jennifer Coolidge (Stiffler's Mother)

Ever since I spent that fateful day in Inglewood, I felt like a changed man...I think I need Double D Ass implants....

This is digustingly hilarious...

Either click the link or read the picture-less text below...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.

I can't explain it," said Nakajima, dressed in a pleated miniskirt and pure white knee socks. "There's just something about American men who are at least twice my age and nearly three times my body weight that totally drives me wild."

Added Nakajima, "They're so hot."

Though she finds all pasty, middle-aged men intoxicating, Nakajima said balding Midwesterners who carry most of their weight in their stomach particularly turn her on. According to the sexually inquisitive teen, she often daydreams about sleeping with a 43-year-old divorcé with poor hygiene habits.

"I like it when they dress up like middle managers," said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. "You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short."

The Japanese nymph then reportedly sighed, rolled over on her Hello Kitty bedsheets, and continued leafing through an old Rochester Big & Tall catalog.

While she has always been curious about men who attended state college before she was born, Nakajima said she first discovered her fetish after stumbling upon a late-night airing of Uncle Buck on television—a moment the teen now describes as her "sexual awakening."

"I was completely captivated by him," said Nakajima, referring to the obese, unemployed character played by John Candy. "He was so exotic-looking. It was like this whole new world of pleasure had just opened up for me."

Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures. The barely legal teen also discovered satellite broadcasts of ESPN2 around this time, and often stayed up all night ogling professional bowlers and competitive dart players.

Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as "pale man lying on couch eating" and "retiree + jowls + hardcore." The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.

According to psychologist Asuka Yasuhara of Tokyo University, Nakajima is not alone.

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity. "And it's easy to see why. Sweaty, forty-something Caucasians represent the epitome of mystery and wonder to Asian teens."

Added Yasuhara, "Plus, how can anyone resist those enormous, chafed thighs?"

Drawn by her curiosity, Nakajima has scheduled a vacation to St. Louis for early March. The trip—which falls on her 18th birthday—reportedly coincides with the American Society of Actuaries' annual convention, a four-day event during which Nakajima hopes to be seduced by "the heavyset man of [her] dreams."

Although she has long fantasized about traveling overseas and having a world of carnal delights revealed to her by an aging claims adjuster, the taut Japanese teen admitted that she is uncertain how she'll be received by American men.

"I just hope they don't mind the fact that I'm completely shaven," Nakajima said. "Oh, who am I kidding? They'd probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me."

How'd he Escape?

I have decided to take a weekend off, and potentially the entire week, from drinking and the bars, sans Wednesday night Karaoke with A-hole(Allison's new nickname) and Dougie-Doug! I have been going out a little too much and have been indulging in too many things that require moderation. I am getting a bit burnt out being up every morning at 6 and staying out every evening til midnight...My bar trips and my morning trips to the gym are clashing and something has got to give. I am going to take the higher road this once...just once...and call off the bars. I have a lot to address over the next including analyzing where I am at, and what the hell I am doing.

I moved up here to get ahead. I moved up here to better myself via continued education and life/work experience, and I seemingly have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime this week. Now I need to take advantage of it. Slowing down and taking focus was not one of my New Years Resolutions, but it might be now. I have done well on my resolutions thus far. I have stopped biting my nails, I drive slower, I don't drunk text/communicate, I am in the gym 5-6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. Its difficult but encouraging when you can see the results.

This year has taught me a lot so far. The first thing that it has taught me--a lesson I have learned a couple times now--is that, in the words of the brilliant philospher Mick Jagger, "You can't always get what want, but if you try sometime, you may find, You'll get what you need..." This rings true. I came to the realization recently that I cannot have what I want all the time, it would be nice, but its not meant to be that way. You just gotta let thngs go, and get what you need.

I apoligize for all of this philosophical crap, but not too many embarrassing things have happened of late. The only thing of note, is that I finally broke down last week. I had a really long day from 6AM Wednesday to 1AM Thursday. I parked my car in the lot. Leaned my head back against my headrest and closed my eyes. I could feel my pulse in my temples and felt like I wanted to cry. Istead of crying I just screamed. A really loooooong drawn out "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" You should try it sometime, screaming is quite the release. It felt great, then I looked to my right and realized that my passenger side car window was down, and of course, there is an older woman in her robe with her dog on a leash...Why wouldn't she be walking her dog at 1AM...I walked by and smiled and said "Have a lovely evening."

Thats where I am at right now, I needed a change of pace when I was in San Diego, and got one. I am happy in LA. I love the people and the pace of life. I did need an adjustment in the way I was living though and I have made it. For the first time in awhile, I'm happy, sometimes frustrated, but happy!

Oh and on a side note, My roommate moved out last night. When I say last night, I mean last night. I went to bed and his stuff was all still there. I woke up and it was gone...impressive...

It has been a rough start this year.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone...

What can I see? Rock Bottom. I am not that close, just typing for the dramatics. I have had a few new "experiences" recently. Nothing too bad, most of them stemming from life, friendships, relationships etc. But now I have a new vice in my life. My family. The last thing that I expected to be a stressful or burdensome thing on my life is now just that. Its nothing bad that is happening, just a lot of weird little things. I have been a different person over the last few weeks and have had multiple people tell me that...I am aware people, thanks!

Money has always been my biggest stress, namely, not having any, and now I am really starting to feel the pinch. I think I landed a second job today, or at least I hope I did...We'll see what happens with that. It feels like I am crashing and burning even though I am not. Kinda hard to describe. The only thing to do is to keep pluggin away I guess. I am not alone on this. It actually makes it easier to struggle when others around you are struggling as well.

So, the last few days have been fun. Watched Gran Torino yesterday with David and Richard, good movie, as everyone else has already said. I went to Circuit City because I needed a pair of headphones for my car/gym. I knew they were having a sale, so i was all about it. I got a pair for $13.00, score!! They work really well and actually have some pretty reasonable sound...

I met up last night in Silver Lake with a friend, George, and had a nice dinner at Gingergrass. I definitely enjoyed it which is good because it put me at my budget for the pay period for dining expenses. Haha George was good company though, a wonderfully nice guy, and I definitely would love to hang out again...Salt and Pepper has never looked so good! hahahaha Just Kidding...

I went out to the Abbey last night with Allison, and her friends Johnny and Ian. I was not going to drink, because of my previous budget issues, but Johnny felt bad and bought me a beverage...Mmmm, Vodka Rocks, splash of water...It was refreshing! There were lots of silly-looking people out last night, namely, the Geico Caveman, half the cast from Madagascar, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Dolly Partons Boobs on Molly Wringwold's body and Jermaine Dupri...A couple of cute guys but they all seemed to be smoking. Gross...You gotta be really hot to get away with smoking! haha. I never understood why the gays, the most superficial group of people I know, smoke. It yellows your teeth, wrinkles your skin and makes you stink... REALLY homos? Ohh, and it takes years off of your life, forgot about that one.

I had a job interview this morning. It went really well and I should be able to balance both jobs at about 25-30 hours, exciting. I will have no life, but its okay. The life that I want now, is out of my reach, so I may as well just get my shit together while I can right? My mother is no longer reading my blog. She said she gets too frustrated. Hmmm...I could not imagine why that would be the case.

That's all I got. Bye

Why I am not drinking for awhile(until Saturday afternoon)

When describing my night, there are multiple points where I probably should stop typing for the sake of my Mother, Hi Mom. But since this is based on my destructive behavior and awful luck at the game/obstacle of life, I won't.

I think I got out of work at about 9:30 and met Nareth at Phil and RD's. The topic of conversation...Porn...

It took all of 3 minutes for Phil to have an icy cold 32oz beverage in front of me. This was one of those points that I could just stop writing, and save some shred of remaining dignity, but no...

So I made a second drink, and then David showed up. David is affectionately known as "Shots." This is another point in which I should stop. Nareth pours two shots of 151...REALLY...151? I'm just going to drink the bleach under the sink instead! Nareth hands one to David and the other to me...WTF? I did not ask for a shot. But being me, I took it. and finished my drink. I made my third drink a little too stiff...and almost could not finish it.

We walked down to RAGE and I was already feeling smashed. Nareth and I stopped got Chicken Nuggets. I just now got off the phone with Rettles to try and piece this part together...As we were macking on our food some "Dingle-Berry" came up and said, "Dude are those Chicken Nuggets? Can I Try One?" So we said sure. Then he told me I was "Hella Hot." He was not. Nareth's quick thinking saved me...and screwed me at the same time. Instead of saying he is with me, he said "He is straight...and from Scotland." So I did my best Scottish accent. Thanks Maurizio! I apparently talked to him for a good couple minutes in what I am sure was a butchered accent...Finally I said, "Oh...Me Mates awaitin' for me" At that point the guy kinda looked puzzled. I was now Australian! So we left and went to Rage. I had my wristband on the wrong arm, and my man-crush Art saved me, and put it on the right arm. I love Art! If he were not there I would have had to wait in line, and I don't queue very well. We grabbed a drink and mingled.

***I think we had another drink, I think I talked to RD, I think someone told me that I was tall, I think I saw someone I thought I knew, and I think I unintentionally ignored them. This part will all become more clear in the next few days***

We then inexplicably left. I am sure there was a reason, and we were there for a while, but this was all foreign to me. We went back to Phil and RD's, and Nareth and I walked Luka their Basset Hound. It was pretty much time travel at that point. I remember being at these places and doing these things but the movement from point A to B was all a mystery to me. I do remember walking Luka with Nareth. I was like a shiny steel ball in a game of urban pinball. I was bouncing off of and bumping into anything that I possibly could. When I get a bit tipsy I work extra hard to compose myself. I am somewhat of a guarded person and don't like to let everyone in. The exception to this is of course the blog. But last night, I was catastrophic, tragic and I'm sure painful to watch. We got back to Phil and RD's and "Shots" seemed to be in the same condition I was, Ron was helping him to the couch. Well at least we know the side effects of 151 now. I came to in front of my house Nareth had driven me home. I fell out of the car, literally, fell out and walked to my house again, playing "Urban Pinball" the entire way!!! The End

Just some random notes...

We are going to see My Bloody Valentine in 3-D on Saturday evening. Anyone wanna go? Nareth, Kevin and I so far plus some others but I'm not too sure who. If you wanna go let me know.

A friend of mine Jason is producing a calendar to benefit the Asian Pacific Health Care Venture of Los Angeles and are currently seeking local Asian, Asian-American and Pacific Island male models. Please contact them for further information or email us at asiancalendar2010@gmail if you are interested in modeling or know of anyone who might be interested. This is great publicity for the aspring actor in all of you!! This is not a scandalous calender either. Simply a calender of real everyday guys. The calendar is being shot by professional photographer and activist, Jeff Sheng and edited by Nareth Chuon. If you have any questions, let me know, or feel free to check out their information pages on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1161217641&v=feed&viewas=3202357

or myspace: myspace.com/apmcalendar

FINALLY...

This is a note from my former roommate/buddy Chad's facebook. Chad is Black, in case you needed to know...

November 04, 2008 was a sad day in the history of Blacks in this country. For on the same day we as a people got together in large numbers and voted for change and crossed a threshold many of us never thought we would get to see – an overwhelming 70% of Black Californians who voted – voted to legalize discrimination. We of all people should understand the basic and human need for respect and equality. To deny gays and lesbians the right to marriage is not only hypocritical it is reprehensible. How can we, on such a historic day look at ourselves with pride when we have helped to limit the freedom of others?

Marriage is more than just a term. It is more than an expression of love between two people. It is a legal status that grants certain rights and responsibilities. Some of these rights include: federal benefits, tax breaks, insurance breaks, veteran’s benefits, and survivor benefits. Imagine you’re boyfriend or girlfriend / husband or wife sick in the hospital and not being able to visit them because a collective of people have deemed your love less significant as theirs. Imagine having that same loved one pass and all of the assets that you have shared being taken away from you. Some may argue in favor of civil unions but civil unions are not the same as marriage. Some of the rights I just mentioned are covered in some states by civil unions but not all. Furthermore, civil unions are not recognized by other states. So if a couple were to move what ever little rights they had would be stripped. The United States was founded upon the belief of equality for all. It is up to the majority to stand up for the minority if we are to be that great country that we proclaim to be.

For those of you who hide behind religion let me remind you that religion was also used as a basis for denying us several rights in this country. And for many, marriage is not a spiritual agreement. People of different religions are allowed to marry. Atheist can marry. People can marry, divorce and marry again, several times. Brittany Spears can marry some dude in a speedy Vegas wedding because she’s high off her face and thinks it’ll be a great way to spend thirteen hours and we are okay with this. One supporter of prop 8 said to a newspaper, “people should do what they want to do, but it shouldn’t be forced on others.” What baffles me is what does he think is being forced upon him. Tolerance? Acceptance? Equality? Are not these the same arguments used in opposition of desegregation? So now the oppressed have become the oppressors?

Gays and lesbians stood with us, cheered with us, cried with us and fought together with us to help elect the first black president and I am ashamed at how we have repaid them.

100th Post!

So I took out the trash last night, Allison and Andrea...Just kidding, they aren't trash, haha. So I took out the whores last night and we decided to go to MoLo first because of the awesomeness of the drinks and the awesomeness of the barman, Doug. I am in love with Doug. He is the coolest guy ever. He is the kind of guy that I would like to bring home to the parents, and after they both look at me in disbelief that he is not a 5'6" Pinoy/Latino/Chinaman/Viet, we could all bond! Allison told me to get his number and marry him because she wants to hang out with him. My response: "Remember Nov. 4th? Yeah, thanks for that one!"

After a drink and shots, I'm not sure why Doug gave us the shots, but whatever, we went to Karaoke at Fiesta. We got a delicious vodka soda and headed up stairs. David was there for his friends birthday party, and was on his way out, I said hello, and introduced my "Ladies of the Night," and then he took off. I ran into Patrick and his man-lover Luis who had just gotten out of opening night of Phantom, FUN! It was Luis' B-day. I also ran into Jason Bowers, had yet to see him outside of my place of employment so that was nice! He is quite the character. Entertaining. Thats all. I'm off to bed.

I have learned soooo much...

A sincere thanks and a debt of gratitude to my bosses, Marcus and Harry for providing me with the necessary texts of enlightenment. I received today, a copy of "What's Your Poo telling You?" While at first humorous this book has taught me much needed information such as nicknames for Diarrhea; Butt Piss, The Runs, Oil Spill, Number Three, Hersey Squirts, Montezuma's Revenge, Chocolate Thunder, Operation Marination, Operation Evacuation, Releasing the Hounds, The Nile, Poo Stew, Chocolate Slurpee, Gravy Poo, Birds Flying South for the Winter, Rectum Rapids, It's Raining Poo, Deuce Juice and my personal favorite, Turd Tea.

I feel now, with this new found knowledge and confidence that my Poo experiences going forward will be nothing short of fascinating!

I highly recommend this delicious piece of literature for your consumption!

"What's your Poo Telling You?" by Josh Richman and Anish, Sheth, M.D.

ISBN # 9780811857826

A Gay Ole Time!

I just got back from the gym about a half hour ago. I had to cut my routine short because I smashed the crap out of my left thumb. No really, I dropped a weight on my thumb, and crap came out...Normally this would be one of those haha, laugh at dumb-ass unfortunate Brandon, but there is more to it than just my clumsiness and perpetual self-inflicted casualties that have become a way of life for me...

I was doing my pre lifting cardio, usually only about 10 minutes on the stationary bike, just a little something to get the blood going. This guy walks in and walks past me and smiles, he is hot. AND donning an HRC(Human Rights Campaign, look it up breeders) tank top, SCORE! So he goes down stairs and jumps on to the Stair Master thingy. Conveniently, there was one open directly behind him. So I ditched my crappy "bike without a view" and headed towards buns of steel and the stair master.

20 minutes later, I got bored of watching and decided to start my routine, I went over to the flat bench and grabbed some weights. I decided that it would be humorous to "Twitter" about it. Who the hell "Twitters" or "Tweets" in the gym right? Well my tragic ass does! So I had both weights leaning against one another while seated on the bench. and one slipped, POW, BAM, WHACK, SMASH, CRASH, BANG, BOOM, BLUDGEON, and many other onomotapieas that describe painful contact. So effectively I was at the gym being a pervert and then trying to twitter about it, and I pretty much got my just desserts...

I went to Gayme night last night for the first time ever. Soooo much fun. I was tired and antisocial and grumpy when i left work and was not sure how it was going to go. But to be honest, I had a blast. We played dirty minds for about ten minutes and then moved onto cranium and taboo where our team, Phil, David, Ron, Jeffery and myself got KILLED by the much less handsome much less intelligent, much more lucky team of Reth, Kris, Josh, RD and Frangelo...haha, I kid, I kid! I had a ton of fun and look forward to doing it again sometime soon! Thanks for the invite guys!