So this last weekend was Long Beach Pride. It was my first time going and it was a blast. I have been working really hard at getting in shape and other things as we were going to my first pool party in forever and I was not about to wear my t-shirt into the pool. haha We ended up getting held up late at practice and missed the pool party, but decided to host one of our own. Angel called up our buddy Eric and set up a damn fun get-together at Eric's place. Everyone was laying out talking, enjoying some delicious beer and music. It was a really fun crowd of people and I feel like I got to know some new people, and potentially make some new friends. We had big games on Sunday, so we did not party that late, In bed by 2ish, I think. We lost our first game which was our last chance at first place, but won the second game due to forfeit. We went back to Long Beach and laid down for a nap and did not wake up til around 7. Basically we slept through everything...Awesome. haha So we just lounged around on the couch and watched a bunch of 'gay' movies that I had never seen before. Angel is really pushing me to get my 'gay card.' It was a great weekend, and I cannot wait until we do it again.
So this weekend, our softball team will be in SF playing in a sweet-ass tournament. I was a pickup player last year and our team won the tourney, so, I guess, I am defending our title or something like that. Angel and I are heading up there on Friday and likely staying until Tuesday in the hopes of doing some touristy/romantic crap. Like a picnic at twin peaks, and maybe and Alcatraz tour. I am really excited to get away from all of this and enjoy some quality time with him. I am really excited that we are staying with my college buddy Thomas, who has graciously opened his doors for us to crash there for the weekend. Also looks Like Paul will be joining us Saturday night...we had better have late games on Sunday. haha...
Now for horribly boring self-reflection:
My mind has always worked a million miles a minute. I talk too fast and often times have to repeat myself because whatever it is that I had just spat out was a verbal vomit full of words that mesh together. I don't us the space bar when I talk. :-) My bad, its just how I am. Anyways. I need to find a way to stop thinking so much and to just calm the hell down. Its better that way. Since, I cannot walk around stoned all the time or take Xanax before work, it looks like I'm left with breathing exercises. haha.
I have got a great thing going right now. I'm very happy, have someone who cares, and am generally pleased with the way things are going. I need to relax, let whatever happens happen, and stop trying to force issues. People generally do not change unless they want to, so maybe its not worth trying to force an issue. Maybe its better just left untouched. I have no idea where I am going with this but I guess, that the whole point of this blog. Let's see how many tangents Brandon can go on in a 1,000 word post...
Anyways, I got a lot to look forward to this weekend. Also a lot to look forward to this week. Hope you all are doing well. And that concludes the most boring post I have ever written. To those who are still reading...Really? Is your life that boring? Mine is.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
A turn for the...Better? BORING!
Just bored at work, killing the last 5 minutes of my lunch break. Heading home in about 2 hours. The last time I posted it was in regards to resolutions and how god-damn stupid they are. Then in paragraph two, I made a resolution...Leave me alone, I'm a sucker for trends.
Anyways, it was not really a resolution as much as it was simply a decision to be a happier person. To enjoy what I have and not to long for what I don't. If I want something, go get it. If don't want something, discard. Simple as that. It was not until just recently that this whole realization had come to fruition. For the last 4 months or so I had kinda been casually seeing/hanging out with someone who has quickly become one of my best friends. But that was that, just hanging out. Terrified to take things to the next level for two reasons fear of rejection and also hesitancy of people in my past finding out and being hurt. Essentially, I was holding back myself from being happy because I was concerned with the feelings of someone, whom I really do not communicate with anymore. Sounds like the most ridiculous logic ever right? Well it gets worse.
In our gay-ass softball league gossip and rumors spread faster that lip herpes at White Party. People tend to know things sometimes before they even happen. Therein lies the problem. People whom I consider friends knew what was going on. Every time they asked me about it, I denied the rumors, I lied to them, and it sucked. It finally took one of my dear friends, one of the most genuine people that I know basically call me out point blank. It sucked, it hurt, but everything he said was true. I had lied to people who I consider friends to protect the feelings of someone who does not even care about me anymore. What the hell was I thinking?
Long story short, I "manned up," made the move and am now happier than I have ever been before. I have a man at my side who respects my decisions, treats me right, accepts my flaws, motivates me(not to be something else, but to be a better version of me), laughs at my horrendous jokes(even if its a fake laugh), tells me I'm cute all the time and most importantly, someone that I felt comfortable opening up to and letting all my skeletons out. He appreciates me for who I am, and sees the mistakes I have made for what they are, mistakes. No therapy required! For the first time in awhile I am excited about really getting to know someone, and not afraid of being judged. I never thought that we would have meshed as well as we do, even up until a couple months ago, it was just a crazy concept. I have always wanted a gay friend/boyfriend/partner/etc that appreciates the same things I do, basketball, beer, cars, THE PADRES hehe, video games, nerdy financial crap, etc, and I NEVER would have expected that someone to come in the package it did. :-)
I have also been taken quite a bit out of my element recently, see below. And I loved every second of it!
None of this would have happened if I did not have Larry and Jon tell me stop being such a 'fucking pussy(J)' and to 'Man the fuck up(L).' Sometimes you still need some goading to make the obviously right decisions. Anyways, that's that. There is my quarterly post. Sorry its all good news and not a post involving jail time/broken bones/fatalities/bruised ankles/etc.
Best Regards,
One Chipper Queen
Anyways, it was not really a resolution as much as it was simply a decision to be a happier person. To enjoy what I have and not to long for what I don't. If I want something, go get it. If don't want something, discard. Simple as that. It was not until just recently that this whole realization had come to fruition. For the last 4 months or so I had kinda been casually seeing/hanging out with someone who has quickly become one of my best friends. But that was that, just hanging out. Terrified to take things to the next level for two reasons fear of rejection and also hesitancy of people in my past finding out and being hurt. Essentially, I was holding back myself from being happy because I was concerned with the feelings of someone, whom I really do not communicate with anymore. Sounds like the most ridiculous logic ever right? Well it gets worse.
In our gay-ass softball league gossip and rumors spread faster that lip herpes at White Party. People tend to know things sometimes before they even happen. Therein lies the problem. People whom I consider friends knew what was going on. Every time they asked me about it, I denied the rumors, I lied to them, and it sucked. It finally took one of my dear friends, one of the most genuine people that I know basically call me out point blank. It sucked, it hurt, but everything he said was true. I had lied to people who I consider friends to protect the feelings of someone who does not even care about me anymore. What the hell was I thinking?
Long story short, I "manned up," made the move and am now happier than I have ever been before. I have a man at my side who respects my decisions, treats me right, accepts my flaws, motivates me(not to be something else, but to be a better version of me), laughs at my horrendous jokes(even if its a fake laugh), tells me I'm cute all the time and most importantly, someone that I felt comfortable opening up to and letting all my skeletons out. He appreciates me for who I am, and sees the mistakes I have made for what they are, mistakes. No therapy required! For the first time in awhile I am excited about really getting to know someone, and not afraid of being judged. I never thought that we would have meshed as well as we do, even up until a couple months ago, it was just a crazy concept. I have always wanted a gay friend/boyfriend/partner/etc that appreciates the same things I do, basketball, beer, cars, THE PADRES hehe, video games, nerdy financial crap, etc, and I NEVER would have expected that someone to come in the package it did. :-)
I have also been taken quite a bit out of my element recently, see below. And I loved every second of it!
None of this would have happened if I did not have Larry and Jon tell me stop being such a 'fucking pussy(J)' and to 'Man the fuck up(L).' Sometimes you still need some goading to make the obviously right decisions. Anyways, that's that. There is my quarterly post. Sorry its all good news and not a post involving jail time/broken bones/fatalities/bruised ankles/etc.
Best Regards,
One Chipper Queen
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