Its hot

It is ridiculously hot...Not like titillatingly hot, but like uncomfortable to move hot. The kind of hot that makes you feel so sorry for people stuck outside that you want to bring them an ice cold beverage...but instead your sweaty lazy ass merely sits on your sweat saturated sofa and ferments along with the rest of the people in your shanty-town apartment complex.

Some people attempt to escape the heat by going to the movies or another public place with air conditioning. The only problem with that is that you have to deal with all the other assholes and their petulant searching for the coolest seat in the theater. Here's a suggestion, try the public library. Library's are those antiquated structures that hold those old book thingys, usually close to the Central Business District of your respective towns. No one goes there anymore. Should be a good place to cool down in relative silence.

I have compiled another list of places to go when it gets hot, and benefits they offer other than cold air. If you would like to add any to the list, then you need to make your own list. This is my blog, not yours.

Without further ado:

1. Your Local Pool - If you can fight off the hoards of fatties and defecating children, this is a great place to get wet and cool down. Another perk? Hotties in Speedos, or bikinis for my breeder readers...

2. Your Local Quickie Mart - Bring a few friends and a keg tap. Slip the cashier $50 bucks and see if he will let you hang out in the beer fridge. Tap a keg, sit back an enjoy!

3. Your Local Mall - Again, if fighting crowds is your thing, then this should work for you. Added Bonus: Go to Hot Topic/Fredrick's of Hollywood etc and find yourself a nice little pair of latex booty shorts and a fishnet tank top allowing for plenty of air circulation in your otherwise moist spots. Exhibit A.

4. Your Local Nudist Colony - As many of my Facebook friends have stated today, notably Jimmy, Ethan, Greg etc. Today is as good a day as any to be naked. And why relegate yourself to being buff in your own abode? Why not get back to nature and let the ole' twig and berries get some fresh air right? Look out for peeping tom's though, or peeping Brandon's for that matter. Added Bonus: Bring attractive friends for an enjoyably scenic adventure!

5. Your Local Skin Care Formulation Corporation - Completely coat you body in Camphor, Methyl Salicylate or Eucalyptus Globulus Oil. These are highly effective especially if your friends love the smell of Vicks Vapor Rub. Added Bonus: This should remedy any kind of lingering congestion from last nights illicit drug binge that you though was a good idea at the time.

6. Your Local Ice Rink - Duh

I hope that these 6 stay cool remedies help you beat the heat! If not, then come over to my place and hang out with me, I'm pretty distant and frigid...All the time...

Did anyone sans Jason Bowers miss me?

"So it has been awhile," would be a massive understatement. I have not written since publishing my 1st annual "Eff-You List." I would love to tell you about everything that happened, but frankly, I don't really remember much of anything from mid July til around David's birthday week. Not because of anything exciting like a drug induced coma or dementia, but simply because I just really don't remember. Sooooooo, using the platform of my new favorite website, Textsfromlastnight.com I am going to use incoming and outgoing text messages to frame a storyboard for my last month of life. Its only going to be a few events/conversations, simply because anything else would bore the piss outta me. If you are offended by me using any of our text conversations, then please don't text me anymore. :-) Cheers! All spelling and grammar errors hence forth are as they appear in original context.

July 15th:
David: Have a drink for me! Hey are you going to MyHouse tomorrow for open bar? If so, if I go will you take me straight to the airport after open bar? Haha, Drinks on me :)
Brandon: Yeah, no prob

***I have the best friends, hey Brandon I'll buy you free drinks if you drive me through the airport promptly after the prospect of way too many free drinks at an open bar.***

July 18th:

Brandon: I should be out of work by 2:30. What have you got planned? Wanna sit by the pool?
Jason: Let's do it!
B: Alright, I'll bring the vodka!
J: Haha, can we do boxed wine instead? I'm trying to keep away from the hard stuff.

***In was not able to go to San Diego pride due to work, so this seemed like the most plausible thing to do on a sunday afternoon. Although there was some aftermath from the friends who did go to San Diego, namely Nareth's Drunk Ass.***

Brandon: I can't make it
Nareth: You promised brandon! Stop making exauses! I'm walking to the BBQ now.
B: I'm not making excuses and I never promise anything. I have to work at 8am tomorrow anyways
N: Dude wrtd, when u said u wwerebt going to SF pirde unsaid u will go to SD pride
B: That's before I knew I had to work this much this weekend. Btw, Kris Allen...Awful skin!!!
N: Ok whatever, have fun aT Jasons

***This is the first time that my little gay bestie was mad at me. I was soooo upset, so then Jason and I drank and ate fried chicken. Happy Pride!***

July 22nd:

This one comes from a Facebook status update:

Brandon Watson is no longer in control of his emotions. Its kinda invigorating though, it makes me feel human. It makes me feel real. It makes me feel alive again...

***Can you say Koo-Koo!!! Or if you can't hit the right pitch, just say pathetically fucking nuts.***


July 25th:

Brandon: What are you doing?
David: Nothing, getting bored thinking bout going to the gym or shopping...u still at work?
B: I'm done. Wanna go to the gym?
D: Ehh I do but I don't...but I'll go...can you come over and watch me rotate my tires first :)

***Oh yeah, that's right, that is why I can't remember what the hell I am EVER doing, my life is sooo painfully boring. "Yeah, hell yeah!! I'd love to watch you rotate your tires!!!***

July 30th

Brandon: What did you do last night?
Greg: Oh nothing at all, haha, u
B: Damn
B: I'm really not completely sure. I was hoping I saw you out last night
G: Nope, what do u mean u don't remember? Were you drunk?
B: No, I had maybe 2 drinks over 4 hours. I have been making up stories all day about what I did last night, and they are all based off of assumptions of how my Tuesday nights normally go.haha
G: Um, Today is Thursday douche...
B: Yeah thats what I meant. I think...
G: Do you really not remember last night?
B: No! I remember taking a few tylenol PM because I was not feeling well and then heading out to the abbey? Or maybe Here lounge?
G: Dumbass, I was out last night! I said Hi to you, at the Abbey with all of your coworkers. You were taking pictures, waiting for two friends next door. You should really not take Tylenol opm anymore!!!!!!1
B: Ohhhhhh yeah! now I remember! Alright, gtg, just took some tylenol PM and am heading to the dodger game with David! :-)

***You can't be addicted to Tylenol can you?***


This brings me to Friday, August 7th. The day before David's B-day. His cousin Duy was in town so we were busy bodies trying to entertain him. My dearest amigo Chris Trudell from San Diego was taking his boat out on Lake Elsinore and wanted to know if we wanted to meet him out there. So we did. We had a blast on the lake, lots of bud light and El Pollo Loco. Then a nice Mexican Food Dinner after wards.

We got back in time to clean up and go to Rage, because, well, that's where David wanted to go, and he was in charge. Rage was fun, David was a tad bit smashed, but nothing compared to his straight cousin Duy who was simply dancing with anyone who would pay him attention. At one point someone bought a round of shots and we were getting ready to take them when he came stumbling over with a piece of cake... WTF?? "Duy, where the shit did you get that cake from?" to which he replied, "It's cake!" Yeah Duy, I know, Its cake...All was humorous.

The normal bar antics resumed for the next two nights, and then on Monday night, because the Bazaar has really ridiculous policies and poor communication skills, we went to Michael Mina's XIV on Sunset and Crescent Heights. The quality of food was great. A bit pricey, but the buttery delicious Kobe burger and the lamb chops were stellar. We went to Fiesta after for delicious Sweet Tea Vodka cocktail! I have a new found love!!

The next weekend, which fell sometime in mid-August(that is all the detail I know), was a little bit different kind of fun...It was Eric Pelovello's birthday and we all went down to Huntington beach for food, drinks and volleyball! It was a ton of fun. I actually got some color other than white or red and everyone had a gay ole' time! I found that running/jumping/diving in the sand results in really sore legs, coupled with an intense leg day at the gym two days later is no bueno.

This last weekend was Anthony's Pool Party on Saturday. Jason's best friends Drew and Peter were in town so it was an extra special party. Anthony co-owns a beautiful place in Sunvalley with a nice pool, spa and indoor bar/cocktail room. Needless to say all of them were utilized. Actually used and abused might be better word for it. We were there for a few hours and David was getting a bit complacent. He said "Let's start drinking." Little did I know what kind of mind-fuck was about to run me over. Let's just say, when David gets buzzed his vocab regresses back to that of a 2 year old kid learning his first words. A kid whose parents are both raging alcoholics. "SHOTS!" over and over and over...Its obvious why he is nicknamed "Shots." It was Okay though, I was not too bad. I had met a couple of new people and was socializing when Steven said, "Who wants to play flip cup?" .... Now, I am pretty gay, I like gay things, art, cinema, clothes, shoes, spas, theater, etc...but I'm not 100% gay...When I heard "Flip Cup" I turned into a menace, hungry to compete to prove that I am the beer chugging cup flipping king! And I did, I won a little tournament style thing that they had set up...And now I was hammered. I was not driving that night, so I kinda just let myself go to hell in a hand basket.

The next day, David and I went to Lunch with Elliott, Angie and Anne in Brentwood. Slightly hungover, we decided that Dim Sum is a fantastic way to go. And it was!! After lunch Elliott and Angie took off down to see the parents in SD and David and I went over to Toppers to sit in the steam room, and of course have a couple cocktails. Then Fro-Yo, then Micky's, then home to bed...

This is as much as I remember. I am going to try and post more often so that I DON'T have to resort to these mind-numbingly boring methods or data collection...

My Birthday is coming up, September 3rd. Still really not sure what I am going to do for it. Maybe just dinner and drinks. Maybe a Pool Party at Canvas LA? Not really sure. Any who, to those of you that stuck with me for this long, thanks for reading!