Its hot

It is ridiculously hot...Not like titillatingly hot, but like uncomfortable to move hot. The kind of hot that makes you feel so sorry for people stuck outside that you want to bring them an ice cold beverage...but instead your sweaty lazy ass merely sits on your sweat saturated sofa and ferments along with the rest of the people in your shanty-town apartment complex.

Some people attempt to escape the heat by going to the movies or another public place with air conditioning. The only problem with that is that you have to deal with all the other assholes and their petulant searching for the coolest seat in the theater. Here's a suggestion, try the public library. Library's are those antiquated structures that hold those old book thingys, usually close to the Central Business District of your respective towns. No one goes there anymore. Should be a good place to cool down in relative silence.

I have compiled another list of places to go when it gets hot, and benefits they offer other than cold air. If you would like to add any to the list, then you need to make your own list. This is my blog, not yours.

Without further ado:

1. Your Local Pool - If you can fight off the hoards of fatties and defecating children, this is a great place to get wet and cool down. Another perk? Hotties in Speedos, or bikinis for my breeder readers...

2. Your Local Quickie Mart - Bring a few friends and a keg tap. Slip the cashier $50 bucks and see if he will let you hang out in the beer fridge. Tap a keg, sit back an enjoy!

3. Your Local Mall - Again, if fighting crowds is your thing, then this should work for you. Added Bonus: Go to Hot Topic/Fredrick's of Hollywood etc and find yourself a nice little pair of latex booty shorts and a fishnet tank top allowing for plenty of air circulation in your otherwise moist spots. Exhibit A.

4. Your Local Nudist Colony - As many of my Facebook friends have stated today, notably Jimmy, Ethan, Greg etc. Today is as good a day as any to be naked. And why relegate yourself to being buff in your own abode? Why not get back to nature and let the ole' twig and berries get some fresh air right? Look out for peeping tom's though, or peeping Brandon's for that matter. Added Bonus: Bring attractive friends for an enjoyably scenic adventure!

5. Your Local Skin Care Formulation Corporation - Completely coat you body in Camphor, Methyl Salicylate or Eucalyptus Globulus Oil. These are highly effective especially if your friends love the smell of Vicks Vapor Rub. Added Bonus: This should remedy any kind of lingering congestion from last nights illicit drug binge that you though was a good idea at the time.

6. Your Local Ice Rink - Duh

I hope that these 6 stay cool remedies help you beat the heat! If not, then come over to my place and hang out with me, I'm pretty distant and frigid...All the time...