Anyways, it was not really a resolution as much as it was simply a decision to be a happier person. To enjoy what I have and not to long for what I don't. If I want something, go get it. If don't want something, discard. Simple as that. It was not until just recently that this whole realization had come to fruition. For the last 4 months or so I had kinda been casually seeing/hanging out with someone who has quickly become one of my best friends. But that was that, just hanging out. Terrified to take things to the next level for two reasons fear of rejection and also hesitancy of people in my past finding out and being hurt. Essentially, I was holding back myself from being happy because I was concerned with the feelings of someone, whom I really do not communicate with anymore. Sounds like the most ridiculous logic ever right? Well it gets worse.
In our gay-ass softball league gossip and rumors spread faster that lip herpes at White Party. People tend to know things sometimes before they even happen. Therein lies the problem. People whom I consider friends knew what was going on. Every time they asked me about it, I denied the rumors, I lied to them, and it sucked. It finally took one of my dear friends, one of the most genuine people that I know basically call me out point blank. It sucked, it hurt, but everything he said was true. I had lied to people who I consider friends to protect the feelings of someone who does not even care about me anymore. What the hell was I thinking?
Long story short, I "manned up," made the move and am now happier than I have ever been before. I have a man at my side who respects my decisions, treats me right, accepts my flaws, motivates me(not to be something else, but to be a better version of me), laughs at my horrendous jokes(even if its a fake laugh), tells me I'm cute all the time and most importantly, someone that I felt comfortable opening up to and letting all my skeletons out. He appreciates me for who I am, and sees the mistakes I have made for what they are, mistakes. No therapy required! For the first time in awhile I am excited about really getting to know someone, and not afraid of being judged. I never thought that we would have meshed as well as we do, even up until a couple months ago, it was just a crazy concept. I have always wanted a gay friend/boyfriend/partner/etc that appreciates the same things I do, basketball, beer, cars, THE PADRES hehe, video games, nerdy financial crap, etc, and I NEVER would have expected that someone to come in the package it did. :-)
I have also been taken quite a bit out of my element recently, see below. And I loved every second of it!
None of this would have happened if I did not have Larry and Jon tell me stop being such a 'fucking pussy(J)' and to 'Man the fuck up(L).' Sometimes you still need some goading to make the obviously right decisions. Anyways, that's that. There is my quarterly post. Sorry its all good news and not a post involving jail time/broken bones/fatalities/bruised ankles/etc.
Best Regards,
One Chipper Queen
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