Dude, Where's my Street

Last night I went to J and Eric's for J's B-day. It was lovely to see everyone smiling and happy. I on the other hand was irratable and dissatisfied with my current situation. I was not drinking and had been dry for a couple days. Every time David yelled "Shots!" I salivated and then quickly got pissed off. I was parched and all I could drink was fruit Juice. So I found another, non-blood-thinning vice which will not be named, and began enjoying myself.

Midnight rolled around and everyone was pretty tuckered out. RD and Phil were taking off and it seemed like a good time for Uly and I to hit the road also. I walked Phil and RD out said goodnight, and then walked to my car. What happened after that was a mystery... I have never been so out of it. I was in some kinda zone. Keep in mind, I was stone cold sober. I have never had my mind so far detached from my body before...Below i a basic map with two routes marked. One is the way I took to J and Eric's and the other was the route I took home. I will let you figure out which is which. At one point on the way home. I text RD to say I was lost. I was less than a mile from my house and was so disoriented that it was mildly humorous...And now the map:



This is the kind of disorientation that I experience when NOT under the influence of booze...Sigh...

The Emperor's...errr...the Kings New Clothes"

King Ron, the Exalted, God Appointed, Divine Law Ruler of the Men's Locker Room of the 24 Hour fitness was clothed when I came in yesterday. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Why are you still hooked on Ron?" or "Clothed? What? How?". To answer the first question, my life consists of work, boredom and Ron. Which one would you write about? Now onto the second question, I'm not really sure how he got into clothes. I don't mean that it is far-fetched that the man was clothed, I mean, how in the hell did he get into those pants? Not too many people can sport what appear to be opalescent white Alligator Leather pants. Ron can do whatever he wants though, he's the King...Oh, how I long to be his Queen.

I have been a bit stressed recently, some personal issues and some not so personal issues. I have not had a day off since February 9th and it is starting to take its toll. I am getting tired and just want a Brandon day where I can ignore everything else that's going on in my disheveled existence and relax, maybe play a video game or watch a movie. I am not burnt out due to all this work, I am only doing 7 and 8 hour days. Its not like I am working 90 hours a week. Also, it helps that I really do love both of my jobs and my coworkers. Unfortunately I do not have a day to myself until March 5th. I can at least count down to it though right?

This morning before work I decided to treat myself to a delicious Venti non-fat, unsweetened Starbucks Double shot on Ice. Five heavenly shots of espresso, a splash of skim milk all poured over ice...orgasmic. The guy in line behind me was this HUGE bald white guy. After I ordered I went and sat down and started staring at him. He was wearing a wife-beater and a sleeveless khaki shirt. He looked like some Aryan Nation blowhard that you can find in Fallbrook. But I decided not to judge. Then when they called his name, Penrose, I knew it...I knew his life story, it goes something like this:

Penrose was born in suburban Tuscaloosa, Alabama to his parents Clyde and Mona. He was one of 16 children "thriving" in a 2 bedroom shanty. Every morning, he and his pediatric army of soldiers marched to school in Tuscaloosa where, Penrose was teased and taunted because of his name...and the stupid look that he carried on his face from dusk til dawn. Penrose developed a deep-seeded hatred for those around him, and found his only friend to be a Willow tree in his front yard that he affectionately named Madge, short for...ummm...Madgey. Now, Penrose, is a racist, gun-toting bigot who talks to Willow trees in La Cienega park and wears horrendous clothing. Pictures to follow...The End

I am obviously suffering from severe boredom and would like to be saved from banality at this point...any suggestions?

Hi-tech, low tech Brandon

So as I mentioned before, my laptop is on the fritz, and I can safely say that it was working just fine until I ran a boot time scan with Avast Antivirus software. I asked their tech support for help and they told me that I need to run a windows reinstall on my laptop. This means that all of it music, 6000+ songs are gone, and more importantly all of my pics, pics with my grandpa in Hawaii, pics from NYE in London last year and my pics from the olympics might be gone... Wiped clean because their product removed something in my windows startup sequence...thanks guy I really apreciate your help...

On a morbid and gruesome note, I saw a car accident on the way home from the gym. It was one of those accidents that kick the spinning earth off it's own axis. A 5000Lb range rover t-boned a 7500Lb late 90's model suburban. The gruesome part was the 36" diameter hole in the front windshield of the range rover...tsk tsk, now where are your seatbelts mr. Range rover...I guess that smear of a person womb make the same mistake again. I just don't understand why you don't wear your seatbelts...there are so many fun things in life that can kill you, why leave it up to something as trivial as buckling your friggin' seatbelt.

That's all I want to type now, seeing as I am blogging off of my iPhone. And my hands are beginning to cramp up. :-)

I hope all is well with everyone! Take care and buckle up! Oh and if anyone know anyone with an extra laptop, I need it for work stuff and internet. I'll buy it!!! Thanks!

Ron part 2 and my "Real" Silver Lake Experience...

Yesterday I went to the gym and actually me Ron officially for the first time. He probably felt it necessary to at least know the name of the guy who stared in awwwe and the giant Sequoia growing between his legs. I introduced my self, shook his hand and that was it. He was wearing his underwear at this point, which was kinda refreshing because I really did not feel comfortable getting up and close with King Ron's "Cap'n Ron." I had a good work out, did some cardio, kept the heart rate fairly moderate. No more 193 beats per minute for me now. Even in full exertion it only gets up around 170. So yeah, enough of the boring stuff...

Sunday night, I volunteered to cover for A-hole because she was down for the count with Strep. So after having been at SLS since 10AM, I went to the envy to help Marsa close. Harry and Shawn started harassing me to meet them at "El Conquistador" in Silver Lake for a margarita...So I did. I got there around 10PM, and they were both blotto! I had a delicious little quesadillia and an even more delicious not so little margarita. I had not eaten since a 3:30 lunch at the SLS cafeteria, so I figured food might be a good idea at this point. After I chowed down, "The Hobbits" and myself walked over to this, and I quote, "Awesome, little bar. You're going to be fresh meat, they are going to love you." Harry's statement should have made me yawn, proclaim exhaustion and leave, but I am apparently a stupid, stupid boy. We went to The Eagle, which I will now refer to as "The Vulture," dissect it however you'd like, and grabbed a pint or two of Bud Light. Harry handed me my beer, and said bottoms up! So I chugged my pint. He did not. In what world does bottoms up not mean to chug your 20oz pint. Anyways, ordered another pint and nursed this one. We were just sitting around making fun of people when I got up to use the bathroom.

Now, I find a certain type of person attractive...generally they need to be good looking, over 5 feet tall, not a metric ton, and have all four major appendages(although the last one is not always necessary). There were one or two attractive people in the bar, and as I was waiting in line for the bathroom, a tall, handsome, blond "Surfer Guy" approached me and stood next to me. Here is the dialogue:

Douche: You in line?
Me: Yeah
Douche: You heading in there?(meaning the bathroom)
Me: Uhhhh, yeah, this is the bathroom line isn't it?
Douche: You want some company?
Me: No Thanks.
Douche: You want me to go in with you?
Me: I said No...
Douche: I can make it worth your time...(As he winks at me, yes winks)
Me: What part of NO don't you understand, fucking ass-clown!
Douche: Dude, Its OK, I was just asking if you wanted to hang out in there.
Me: Hang out in the Bathroom? Who the shit hangs out in the bathroom. Stop talking to me, you're giving me a migraine.

So he got out of line and went back to sit down at the bar. I was not trying to be mean, I just don't know how to handle stupid people and get flusterred and verbally abusive. I'm sure he was telling his buddy what a prick I was, but, I guess I was just not ready to get propositioned at a leather bar, no matter how good looking the guy was. I still have a shred of dignity left, and I am going to try and hang onto it!

After The Vulture, Shawn wanted to venture down to another "Fine Establishment," El BarCito...Or as Harold referred to it, Little Tijuana. We got frisked by an armed security guard when we went in, and pretty much got frisked by all the bar patrons the rest of the night. When I saw the armed security guards, my first thought was, ohhhh, it is just like Tijuana! There was some cross-dresser on stage singing what seemed to be Mexican Showtunes in a really out of pitch voice. Not to mention his/her dress was a touch too tight in the front crotchular region. I'm not critical of cross-dressers, transgenders, etc, in fact I have all the respect in the world for them. They are the last portion of the American population to shunned in almost every walk of life. It takes some guts to be who you believe you are. HOWEVER, I was being visually raped by his/her frontal appendage, and it was time to go.

It was quite the interesting evening. I had been to MJ's in Silver Lake before, but now I think I truly have an understanding of what this sleepy little town is all about...Large Men, Leather, Bud Light and Touchy-Feely Latinos...Hmmmm, stinks a lot like a gay Escondido if you ask me...

Ron's Junk

I have named this blog after someone whom I really do not know all that well. Ron is a member at my gym. When I get there between 7-8AM Ron is walking around the men's locker room naked. When I leave, between 9-10AM, Ron is still naked. He is the self proclaimed, "King of the locker room. He is that guy who knows everybodys name and feels it is necessary to speak to everyone when they come in and out of the locker room. Normally, this is just a nuisance, but what gets me about Ron, is there is something different about him, and I am pretty sure that I know exactly what it is. Now, I am well aware that I am a gay male and as a gay male, the first thing my eyes drift to when confronted with a naked man is in the "Groinular" region. A simple, innocent compare and contrastm, and I also know that whether they will admit it or not, most straight men are prone to the exact same thing. Now I'm not going to "Innuendo" this like I normally do, so if you a skiddish around abnormally MASSIVE bodyparts, skip down two paragraphs. Ron is endowed. I'm not talking about 9" endowed, I'm talking like, the poor soul has never had sex because he is so endowed. There is not a woman in the world who could handle it. If I had one 12" ruler, I would have been out of luck. This thing requires at least 2. I'm thinking in the neighborhood of 14-16". I simply cannot fathom the logistics of it. There is no way in hell...

So, anyways, Ron seems to know a lot about everyone in the locker room. "Hey Steve how's the Wife? Did you see the Dodgers missed out on Manny" As the usual banter goes...But today it was strange. There was this tall lean shirtless asian guy named Peter in the locker room. No, i was not staring, he did not strike me as being even remotely attractive, so lets not even start with all the "rice queen" remarks, A-holes...Ron, looked at Peter and said, "Peter, lookin good man! Your gettin pretty big, eh?" and Peter responded with, "Well Josh and I broke up, so I am back on the prowl. Ha-ha" I don't know if I was more shocked that Peter was in a locker room full of guys announcing his orientation or that Ron, who really is the King of the men's locker room, is just chatting people up and giving hand shakes while his elephantitic appendage swings to and fro like a wrecking ball in motion...

I think thats all I need to say about Ron...

I had a wonderful Valentine's day, other than working from 9am-9pm. In typical Brandon fashion, I took my friend Francis to Koo-Koo-Roo...Red Lobster was booked...Haha. I had origianally planned on taking him to this nice Italian place called Benvenuto on Santa Monica and La Cienega. And when we got there it was closed...out of business apparently. Option #2 was the Courtyard across the street...Which had a large "For Lease" sign posted out front...WTF? So, again, in classic Brandon fashion, when Francis said, "Do you wanna just eat at Koo-Koo-Roo?" I emphatically said "Yes, yes I do."

I got a kick out of eating at Koo-Koo-Roo because of a bit of an inside story, that Francis was not aware of. I have an insatiable appetite for cheap restaurants and over processed food. For my birthday last year, Jefferson asked where I wanted to go to dinner. He asked sarcastically if I had any interest in Sizzler. I got giddy like a school girl! Then 18 days later for his birthday, I took him to Red Lobster in the valley. I got such a kick out of Koo-Koo-Roo on valentine's day that it really did not matter what I ordered, or what happened the rest of the night.

Francis and I went to the Abbey afterwards and met up with the rest of the gays for an after dinner beverage. Good times were had by all. I met a couple other people who apparently I had met before but had no recollection, lo siento.

Work at SLS started and is starting to get intense. The amount of work and effort that goes into every guest is incredible. They are waited on hand and foot. Of course if I were paying $500.00 for a facial and a massage I would expect some munchies and other luxuries. But wow, I am on my feet all day. Time flies though when you are having fun!

Other than a couple little non-blog worthy health issues, everything has been going pretty swell. Still trying to gain back that weight that escaped me over the last few weeks of illness, ughh...I got down to 185#, then dropped to 175# when I got sick and am now at 178#. 7 more Lbs. to go!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day and President's Day Weekend.

The last couple days...

I have been sick. Not sick in the head or gross like I am sure many of you already assume but, better put, I have been ill. I have been coughing up things that look remotely like something you would pull out of a clogged sink...How did that get there? Hmm... Yesterday, I was at work from 1-9pm and was hurting pretty badly. By 2PM, I was sitting in the bathroom crying from the pain. I was so achy and sore that I was getting the shakes. I needed to do something, and fast. So I got a massage! haha I booked an hour with one of our newer therapists, Sean Elias and within an hour, I felt like a million bucks. My throat still hurt, but the aches and chills were completely gone. I am not at all a massage skeptic, in fact i absolutely believe that it should be part of everyone's health care plan. But this was such a pleasant surprise. I cannot even explain the difference from before and after, it was incredible! I highly recommend her.

Friday night, we went out to Rage for their 6 year anniversary. It was an open bar from 9:30-10:30! As soon as the clock struck 9:30, David had five shots of vodka ready to go. Now as I am sure some of you know, I am a vodka connoisseur, I love vodka on the rocks. but this vodka shot was poured into a 5 ounce rocks glass...REALLY?? uggh, so we all took are shots and were ready to go. It was a fun night, a couple more drinks, some dancing and lots of walking in order to sober up our driver.

Last night, I took out one of my co-workers who was in town for just a few days. He had never been out in LA during his couple of quick visits. I think he had a good time, we grabbed a drink at East West and then walked to RD and Phil's to meet up with Rettles, Frang, RD and Phil. It was Abbey time. My friend had never been to the Abbey, so he was in for a treat. We went to Java Detour for a pit stop and then headed over to the Abbey where we met up with David and Richard. Fun times, Nothing too dramatic occured, sorry. Got to bed at around one and woke up this AM at about 9.

I am in San Diego now and looking forward to a couple days away from LA. Hopefully some clothes shopping with Mommy tomorrow, and dinner with the friends down here. I did discover something fascinating on my way down...I'm all hoarse due to whatever is making me sick, and I have found that I can sing along to "The World I Know" by Collective Soul almost in perfect pitch! Oooh, gotta go, my Breakfast Burrito is here!

Something new...

I decided since my life has been a bit lackluster of late, I was going to find something to consistently post about that is entertaining for the masses(my 3 readers). So I thought, what better to do than to essentially point and laugh, albeit through the Internet, at OTHER peoples misfortunes, and not my own...

I have decided to post disturbing, yet funny videos and content found throughout the web...Now if I use a video of yours and you do not want me too, don't threaten to sue...just ask me to take it down, and I might comply.

I posted a term yesterday in my blog about "Penis Clams" that most of you are probably not familiar with, and if you are, then you are either a loser or a tree...or a Dermatologist. The term was Epidermodysplasia verruciformis. Basically, you contract HPV, and you turn into a tree. No Joke, watch the video below. Its Trippy.



I hope you enjoyed your first dose of the less fortunate...Tomorrow, Tape Worms!

Cheers, B

The most disgusting things ever...

Ok so evolution has played some really cruel jokes on anamalia over time, The Dodo(Flightless idiot), the Surinam Toad(Look it up on Youtube) and Epidermodysplasia verruciformis(Half man half tree) just to name a few. But today I was exposed to something so commically sad, that I had to post it. I love seafood. Correction I loved seafood. I loved shellfish, oysters, clams and the like. However, after being exposed to the Geoduck, pronounced gooey-duck, I have had to rethink my tastes for seafood and certain external male reproductive organs. It is a large clam with an uncircumcised male appendage-like...appendage protruding from it...Just see for yourself...




Apparently they are best served in Clam Chowder...Enjoy...

Funny Stuff...

Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday, and was supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun. Not that it wasn't, but it just started off and ended very atypically...Let me preempt my Sunday with a tale of a phone call I got late Saturday night...

Allison, Kristen and I went to Norms for some late night grub and I got a phonecall from the little brother Adam. His calls are usually just random questions. This time was different. He had gone to Chico with his friend Tyler and was now on his way home. Tyler decided that he was going to stay the night, which Adam did not want to do. Tyler told Adam to drive his truck down and that he would just take a flight the next day. Adam begrudgingly said OK. So Adam left at god knows what time and headed south. He made it all the way to Stockton before falling asleep behind the wheel, rear-ending someone and careening off the road and down a ravine. Funny right? Well, he was not hurt, so it is ok to laugh...This is where it gets legitimately comic though.

After the tow truck gets Tyler's truck back on the road and charges Adam $143.00, he starts heading south again. He pulled off and grabbed a couple red-bulls before continuing. He was wide awake the rest of the way, problem was, it was now about 3AM, and his fuel tank was on empty. All the money that he had had been given to the tow truck driver. Adam, emptied out the change pocket, found some Visa giftcards and even borrowed money from presumably a homeless person(they are the only one's out at 3AM in Central California). Now if you ask my opinion, which you are, or else you would not be reading this, Adam is a survivor. Forget Bear Grilles or whatever his name is, Adam is offering a clinic on how to Survive in Butt-F*** Egypt...Impressive...With his new found wealth he got enough gas to get home. If the story ended here, I would have thought, wow, what a crazy night...But, in typical Watson fashion, there were more antics to come...

Adam had gotten all the way through the grapevine and was on the 210 about 10 miles from his house when a small early Nineties Ford Tempo changed into his lane, Adam swerved in Tyler's already abused vehicle and hit a wall at 55MPH. Funny right?? Haha

Obviously he was again OK. This time Tyler's truck was not though. Soooooooo, Long story short, My Mom called me this morning and asked if I wanted to meet them for lunch and that they had just picked him up in La Crescenta. So I got to spend some time with the parents which was nice. My Dad had never been up to see me before, so it was fun! We went to Norms, where I order the "Loaded Hashbrowns" for the second time in 10 hours...Not advisable! Anyways...

Finally, the humorous part. Tyler is a butt hole for leaving my little brother with no choice but to drive home by himself. Tyler was intending to take a flight home today. I say intending because he will not be on that flight. Tyler's Drivers license is in the glove box of his trunk at a towing yard in North LA. Have fun in Chico!

On a more entertaining note...

I love him:

Grounded

So I was hanging out at my place last night, just chatting with friends. David asked, "Are you going out tonight?" My response was "No, I'm grounding myself..."

So that is exactly what I did. For the first time since god knows, when, perhaps since China in August...I did not go out at all on Friday. I was under house-arrest.

Needless to say I got bored of sitting on the couch after about 10 minutes and watched American History X, one of my top 5 movies of all time, and Slumdog Millionaire, a new entrant to my Top 5 list. Its not that I didn't understand all of the hooplah about Slumdog, I just wasn't sure if it was warranted. And now I am. I was so impressed with almost every aspect of the film, from the acting of the child stars to the emotion, both developed and in some scenes non-existent. I was hooked. Also, Two things, if you have not seen American History X; A.What the hell is wrong with you? and B. You definitely should!

I did not get much sleep last night which was the hole reason that I stayed home, but you know, sometimes sleep is trumped by...Other Things...Tonight was going to be night two of my incarceration, but Connor, one of my coworkers,is having a "Shin-Dig" at his pad, and I have urges that need to be satisifed...and lets be realistic, my ability to refrain from sins of the aluminum can, is pretty week. I am salivating just thinking about ice cold bud light...Oh god I need an intervention...and by intervention, of course, I mean a hosted bar!

In other news, Allison, my tramp of a co-worker, - I'm just kidding, she is a prude - is trying to find a loving home for her Weiner Dog Winston. If you know of anything let me know.

I have posted a link to my friend Francis' blog to the right hand side, y'all should check it out. He is a talented and articulate, and conveys some pretty cool thoughts and ideas along with some humorous stories. Some serious stuff, but the kind that makes you reflect and think. Not the useless garbage and rants that I decide to share with you here. Enjoy!

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. For the gays, thats the game with Tight Ends, Full Backs and odd shaped balls being thrusted around the pitch...I would definitely put my money on the Steelers winning...but since I have no money that is not a concern of mine. Therefore, I am going to pick the Cardinals in an upset, 27-17.

The End!

I Heart Jennifer Coolidge (Stiffler's Mother)

Ever since I spent that fateful day in Inglewood, I felt like a changed man...I think I need Double D Ass implants....

This is digustingly hilarious...

Either click the link or read the picture-less text below...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

AOMORI, JAPAN—At first glance, 17-year-old Misaki Nakajima seems like any other shy and submissive Japanese schoolgirl. She loves shopping, text messaging, and the color pink. But beneath her wholesome exterior lies a wicked secret: Misaki Nakajima is consumed by sexual fantasies involving sweaty, middle-aged American men.

I can't explain it," said Nakajima, dressed in a pleated miniskirt and pure white knee socks. "There's just something about American men who are at least twice my age and nearly three times my body weight that totally drives me wild."

Added Nakajima, "They're so hot."

Though she finds all pasty, middle-aged men intoxicating, Nakajima said balding Midwesterners who carry most of their weight in their stomach particularly turn her on. According to the sexually inquisitive teen, she often daydreams about sleeping with a 43-year-old divorcé with poor hygiene habits.

"I like it when they dress up like middle managers," said Nakajima, twirling her girlish pigtails with one alabaster finger. "You know, with the sweat-stained dress shirts, and the office clipboards, and the khaki pants that are 2 inches too short."

The Japanese nymph then reportedly sighed, rolled over on her Hello Kitty bedsheets, and continued leafing through an old Rochester Big & Tall catalog.

While she has always been curious about men who attended state college before she was born, Nakajima said she first discovered her fetish after stumbling upon a late-night airing of Uncle Buck on television—a moment the teen now describes as her "sexual awakening."

"I was completely captivated by him," said Nakajima, referring to the obese, unemployed character played by John Candy. "He was so exotic-looking. It was like this whole new world of pleasure had just opened up for me."

Over the next several months Nakajima—a virgin—explored her new obsession by cutting out pictures of American men from riding mower advertisements and heart-attack-prevention brochures. The barely legal teen also discovered satellite broadcasts of ESPN2 around this time, and often stayed up all night ogling professional bowlers and competitive dart players.

Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as "pale man lying on couch eating" and "retiree + jowls + hardcore." The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.

According to psychologist Asuka Yasuhara of Tokyo University, Nakajima is not alone.

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity. "And it's easy to see why. Sweaty, forty-something Caucasians represent the epitome of mystery and wonder to Asian teens."

Added Yasuhara, "Plus, how can anyone resist those enormous, chafed thighs?"

Drawn by her curiosity, Nakajima has scheduled a vacation to St. Louis for early March. The trip—which falls on her 18th birthday—reportedly coincides with the American Society of Actuaries' annual convention, a four-day event during which Nakajima hopes to be seduced by "the heavyset man of [her] dreams."

Although she has long fantasized about traveling overseas and having a world of carnal delights revealed to her by an aging claims adjuster, the taut Japanese teen admitted that she is uncertain how she'll be received by American men.

"I just hope they don't mind the fact that I'm completely shaven," Nakajima said. "Oh, who am I kidding? They'd probably never go for a naïve young sexual kitten like me."

How'd he Escape?

I have decided to take a weekend off, and potentially the entire week, from drinking and the bars, sans Wednesday night Karaoke with A-hole(Allison's new nickname) and Dougie-Doug! I have been going out a little too much and have been indulging in too many things that require moderation. I am getting a bit burnt out being up every morning at 6 and staying out every evening til midnight...My bar trips and my morning trips to the gym are clashing and something has got to give. I am going to take the higher road this once...just once...and call off the bars. I have a lot to address over the next including analyzing where I am at, and what the hell I am doing.

I moved up here to get ahead. I moved up here to better myself via continued education and life/work experience, and I seemingly have gotten the opportunity of a lifetime this week. Now I need to take advantage of it. Slowing down and taking focus was not one of my New Years Resolutions, but it might be now. I have done well on my resolutions thus far. I have stopped biting my nails, I drive slower, I don't drunk text/communicate, I am in the gym 5-6 days a week, sometimes twice a day. Its difficult but encouraging when you can see the results.

This year has taught me a lot so far. The first thing that it has taught me--a lesson I have learned a couple times now--is that, in the words of the brilliant philospher Mick Jagger, "You can't always get what want, but if you try sometime, you may find, You'll get what you need..." This rings true. I came to the realization recently that I cannot have what I want all the time, it would be nice, but its not meant to be that way. You just gotta let thngs go, and get what you need.

I apoligize for all of this philosophical crap, but not too many embarrassing things have happened of late. The only thing of note, is that I finally broke down last week. I had a really long day from 6AM Wednesday to 1AM Thursday. I parked my car in the lot. Leaned my head back against my headrest and closed my eyes. I could feel my pulse in my temples and felt like I wanted to cry. Istead of crying I just screamed. A really loooooong drawn out "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" You should try it sometime, screaming is quite the release. It felt great, then I looked to my right and realized that my passenger side car window was down, and of course, there is an older woman in her robe with her dog on a leash...Why wouldn't she be walking her dog at 1AM...I walked by and smiled and said "Have a lovely evening."

Thats where I am at right now, I needed a change of pace when I was in San Diego, and got one. I am happy in LA. I love the people and the pace of life. I did need an adjustment in the way I was living though and I have made it. For the first time in awhile, I'm happy, sometimes frustrated, but happy!

Oh and on a side note, My roommate moved out last night. When I say last night, I mean last night. I went to bed and his stuff was all still there. I woke up and it was gone...impressive...

It has been a rough start this year.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone...

What can I see? Rock Bottom. I am not that close, just typing for the dramatics. I have had a few new "experiences" recently. Nothing too bad, most of them stemming from life, friendships, relationships etc. But now I have a new vice in my life. My family. The last thing that I expected to be a stressful or burdensome thing on my life is now just that. Its nothing bad that is happening, just a lot of weird little things. I have been a different person over the last few weeks and have had multiple people tell me that...I am aware people, thanks!

Money has always been my biggest stress, namely, not having any, and now I am really starting to feel the pinch. I think I landed a second job today, or at least I hope I did...We'll see what happens with that. It feels like I am crashing and burning even though I am not. Kinda hard to describe. The only thing to do is to keep pluggin away I guess. I am not alone on this. It actually makes it easier to struggle when others around you are struggling as well.

So, the last few days have been fun. Watched Gran Torino yesterday with David and Richard, good movie, as everyone else has already said. I went to Circuit City because I needed a pair of headphones for my car/gym. I knew they were having a sale, so i was all about it. I got a pair for $13.00, score!! They work really well and actually have some pretty reasonable sound...

I met up last night in Silver Lake with a friend, George, and had a nice dinner at Gingergrass. I definitely enjoyed it which is good because it put me at my budget for the pay period for dining expenses. Haha George was good company though, a wonderfully nice guy, and I definitely would love to hang out again...Salt and Pepper has never looked so good! hahahaha Just Kidding...

I went out to the Abbey last night with Allison, and her friends Johnny and Ian. I was not going to drink, because of my previous budget issues, but Johnny felt bad and bought me a beverage...Mmmm, Vodka Rocks, splash of water...It was refreshing! There were lots of silly-looking people out last night, namely, the Geico Caveman, half the cast from Madagascar, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Dolly Partons Boobs on Molly Wringwold's body and Jermaine Dupri...A couple of cute guys but they all seemed to be smoking. Gross...You gotta be really hot to get away with smoking! haha. I never understood why the gays, the most superficial group of people I know, smoke. It yellows your teeth, wrinkles your skin and makes you stink... REALLY homos? Ohh, and it takes years off of your life, forgot about that one.

I had a job interview this morning. It went really well and I should be able to balance both jobs at about 25-30 hours, exciting. I will have no life, but its okay. The life that I want now, is out of my reach, so I may as well just get my shit together while I can right? My mother is no longer reading my blog. She said she gets too frustrated. Hmmm...I could not imagine why that would be the case.

That's all I got. Bye

Why I am not drinking for awhile(until Saturday afternoon)

When describing my night, there are multiple points where I probably should stop typing for the sake of my Mother, Hi Mom. But since this is based on my destructive behavior and awful luck at the game/obstacle of life, I won't.

I think I got out of work at about 9:30 and met Nareth at Phil and RD's. The topic of conversation...Porn...

It took all of 3 minutes for Phil to have an icy cold 32oz beverage in front of me. This was one of those points that I could just stop writing, and save some shred of remaining dignity, but no...

So I made a second drink, and then David showed up. David is affectionately known as "Shots." This is another point in which I should stop. Nareth pours two shots of 151...REALLY...151? I'm just going to drink the bleach under the sink instead! Nareth hands one to David and the other to me...WTF? I did not ask for a shot. But being me, I took it. and finished my drink. I made my third drink a little too stiff...and almost could not finish it.

We walked down to RAGE and I was already feeling smashed. Nareth and I stopped got Chicken Nuggets. I just now got off the phone with Rettles to try and piece this part together...As we were macking on our food some "Dingle-Berry" came up and said, "Dude are those Chicken Nuggets? Can I Try One?" So we said sure. Then he told me I was "Hella Hot." He was not. Nareth's quick thinking saved me...and screwed me at the same time. Instead of saying he is with me, he said "He is straight...and from Scotland." So I did my best Scottish accent. Thanks Maurizio! I apparently talked to him for a good couple minutes in what I am sure was a butchered accent...Finally I said, "Oh...Me Mates awaitin' for me" At that point the guy kinda looked puzzled. I was now Australian! So we left and went to Rage. I had my wristband on the wrong arm, and my man-crush Art saved me, and put it on the right arm. I love Art! If he were not there I would have had to wait in line, and I don't queue very well. We grabbed a drink and mingled.

***I think we had another drink, I think I talked to RD, I think someone told me that I was tall, I think I saw someone I thought I knew, and I think I unintentionally ignored them. This part will all become more clear in the next few days***

We then inexplicably left. I am sure there was a reason, and we were there for a while, but this was all foreign to me. We went back to Phil and RD's, and Nareth and I walked Luka their Basset Hound. It was pretty much time travel at that point. I remember being at these places and doing these things but the movement from point A to B was all a mystery to me. I do remember walking Luka with Nareth. I was like a shiny steel ball in a game of urban pinball. I was bouncing off of and bumping into anything that I possibly could. When I get a bit tipsy I work extra hard to compose myself. I am somewhat of a guarded person and don't like to let everyone in. The exception to this is of course the blog. But last night, I was catastrophic, tragic and I'm sure painful to watch. We got back to Phil and RD's and "Shots" seemed to be in the same condition I was, Ron was helping him to the couch. Well at least we know the side effects of 151 now. I came to in front of my house Nareth had driven me home. I fell out of the car, literally, fell out and walked to my house again, playing "Urban Pinball" the entire way!!! The End

Just some random notes...

We are going to see My Bloody Valentine in 3-D on Saturday evening. Anyone wanna go? Nareth, Kevin and I so far plus some others but I'm not too sure who. If you wanna go let me know.

A friend of mine Jason is producing a calendar to benefit the Asian Pacific Health Care Venture of Los Angeles and are currently seeking local Asian, Asian-American and Pacific Island male models. Please contact them for further information or email us at asiancalendar2010@gmail if you are interested in modeling or know of anyone who might be interested. This is great publicity for the aspring actor in all of you!! This is not a scandalous calender either. Simply a calender of real everyday guys. The calendar is being shot by professional photographer and activist, Jeff Sheng and edited by Nareth Chuon. If you have any questions, let me know, or feel free to check out their information pages on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1161217641&v=feed&viewas=3202357

or myspace: myspace.com/apmcalendar

FINALLY...

This is a note from my former roommate/buddy Chad's facebook. Chad is Black, in case you needed to know...

November 04, 2008 was a sad day in the history of Blacks in this country. For on the same day we as a people got together in large numbers and voted for change and crossed a threshold many of us never thought we would get to see – an overwhelming 70% of Black Californians who voted – voted to legalize discrimination. We of all people should understand the basic and human need for respect and equality. To deny gays and lesbians the right to marriage is not only hypocritical it is reprehensible. How can we, on such a historic day look at ourselves with pride when we have helped to limit the freedom of others?

Marriage is more than just a term. It is more than an expression of love between two people. It is a legal status that grants certain rights and responsibilities. Some of these rights include: federal benefits, tax breaks, insurance breaks, veteran’s benefits, and survivor benefits. Imagine you’re boyfriend or girlfriend / husband or wife sick in the hospital and not being able to visit them because a collective of people have deemed your love less significant as theirs. Imagine having that same loved one pass and all of the assets that you have shared being taken away from you. Some may argue in favor of civil unions but civil unions are not the same as marriage. Some of the rights I just mentioned are covered in some states by civil unions but not all. Furthermore, civil unions are not recognized by other states. So if a couple were to move what ever little rights they had would be stripped. The United States was founded upon the belief of equality for all. It is up to the majority to stand up for the minority if we are to be that great country that we proclaim to be.

For those of you who hide behind religion let me remind you that religion was also used as a basis for denying us several rights in this country. And for many, marriage is not a spiritual agreement. People of different religions are allowed to marry. Atheist can marry. People can marry, divorce and marry again, several times. Brittany Spears can marry some dude in a speedy Vegas wedding because she’s high off her face and thinks it’ll be a great way to spend thirteen hours and we are okay with this. One supporter of prop 8 said to a newspaper, “people should do what they want to do, but it shouldn’t be forced on others.” What baffles me is what does he think is being forced upon him. Tolerance? Acceptance? Equality? Are not these the same arguments used in opposition of desegregation? So now the oppressed have become the oppressors?

Gays and lesbians stood with us, cheered with us, cried with us and fought together with us to help elect the first black president and I am ashamed at how we have repaid them.

100th Post!

So I took out the trash last night, Allison and Andrea...Just kidding, they aren't trash, haha. So I took out the whores last night and we decided to go to MoLo first because of the awesomeness of the drinks and the awesomeness of the barman, Doug. I am in love with Doug. He is the coolest guy ever. He is the kind of guy that I would like to bring home to the parents, and after they both look at me in disbelief that he is not a 5'6" Pinoy/Latino/Chinaman/Viet, we could all bond! Allison told me to get his number and marry him because she wants to hang out with him. My response: "Remember Nov. 4th? Yeah, thanks for that one!"

After a drink and shots, I'm not sure why Doug gave us the shots, but whatever, we went to Karaoke at Fiesta. We got a delicious vodka soda and headed up stairs. David was there for his friends birthday party, and was on his way out, I said hello, and introduced my "Ladies of the Night," and then he took off. I ran into Patrick and his man-lover Luis who had just gotten out of opening night of Phantom, FUN! It was Luis' B-day. I also ran into Jason Bowers, had yet to see him outside of my place of employment so that was nice! He is quite the character. Entertaining. Thats all. I'm off to bed.

I have learned soooo much...

A sincere thanks and a debt of gratitude to my bosses, Marcus and Harry for providing me with the necessary texts of enlightenment. I received today, a copy of "What's Your Poo telling You?" While at first humorous this book has taught me much needed information such as nicknames for Diarrhea; Butt Piss, The Runs, Oil Spill, Number Three, Hersey Squirts, Montezuma's Revenge, Chocolate Thunder, Operation Marination, Operation Evacuation, Releasing the Hounds, The Nile, Poo Stew, Chocolate Slurpee, Gravy Poo, Birds Flying South for the Winter, Rectum Rapids, It's Raining Poo, Deuce Juice and my personal favorite, Turd Tea.

I feel now, with this new found knowledge and confidence that my Poo experiences going forward will be nothing short of fascinating!

I highly recommend this delicious piece of literature for your consumption!

"What's your Poo Telling You?" by Josh Richman and Anish, Sheth, M.D.

ISBN # 9780811857826

A Gay Ole Time!

I just got back from the gym about a half hour ago. I had to cut my routine short because I smashed the crap out of my left thumb. No really, I dropped a weight on my thumb, and crap came out...Normally this would be one of those haha, laugh at dumb-ass unfortunate Brandon, but there is more to it than just my clumsiness and perpetual self-inflicted casualties that have become a way of life for me...

I was doing my pre lifting cardio, usually only about 10 minutes on the stationary bike, just a little something to get the blood going. This guy walks in and walks past me and smiles, he is hot. AND donning an HRC(Human Rights Campaign, look it up breeders) tank top, SCORE! So he goes down stairs and jumps on to the Stair Master thingy. Conveniently, there was one open directly behind him. So I ditched my crappy "bike without a view" and headed towards buns of steel and the stair master.

20 minutes later, I got bored of watching and decided to start my routine, I went over to the flat bench and grabbed some weights. I decided that it would be humorous to "Twitter" about it. Who the hell "Twitters" or "Tweets" in the gym right? Well my tragic ass does! So I had both weights leaning against one another while seated on the bench. and one slipped, POW, BAM, WHACK, SMASH, CRASH, BANG, BOOM, BLUDGEON, and many other onomotapieas that describe painful contact. So effectively I was at the gym being a pervert and then trying to twitter about it, and I pretty much got my just desserts...

I went to Gayme night last night for the first time ever. Soooo much fun. I was tired and antisocial and grumpy when i left work and was not sure how it was going to go. But to be honest, I had a blast. We played dirty minds for about ten minutes and then moved onto cranium and taboo where our team, Phil, David, Ron, Jeffery and myself got KILLED by the much less handsome much less intelligent, much more lucky team of Reth, Kris, Josh, RD and Frangelo...haha, I kid, I kid! I had a ton of fun and look forward to doing it again sometime soon! Thanks for the invite guys!

I feel like writing about something...

For two reasons, A. Boredom and 2. I have lots of thought dancing around in my clinically disturbed booze shaker of a head. I am not sure what this will be about until the very end, but we'll see what happens.

I have gotten quite a bit of crap from people for a couple of reasons recently. The first was my "unfair and insensitive" portrayal of Inglewood. And to those people who have expressed concern, go away. I simply documented everything i saw, including a bit of photo evidence. Stereotypes are funny, especially when they play out to be true...Chicken-heads... 2. "You have not posted enough of the negative stuff that is happening to you." Thanks Brian! My misery is your pleasure, I will try to live a crappier life for your convenience.

I have decided that everytime I go out, I am going to try and create drama for your enjoyment. I thinking a random slur, or an airborne pint glass at 1am at the Abbey would do the trick. Or maybe hooking up with a large lady-man on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd and San Vicente. Getting arrested has its appeal as does trying to steal a kiss form a couple who happen to already me making out...So many choices...A simple boob grab or random ass-slap also has potential to create some problems. Any other suggestions? My well-being and life are in your hands...

Work is going really well. I have not had a run in with "Jean Summers" and her 30Lb Pussy in quite awhile. I think if she were to come in and talk to me I would be driven over the edge. Then I would have to explain to the police why I hit her with the 25Lb printer that I am staring at right now. I think if I just direct them to her history they will understand.

Friends are good. I missed out on a trip to Temecula on Sunday to celebreate, Paul's, Kat's, Kelly's, Sophie's and John's Birthdays because I just did not feel well enough to go out, and because I did not want to go down there by myself. I had aasked a couple people who showed a slight interest but that appeared to fade with time. As it always does with acquaintances. I have been going out quite a bit up here and meeting some new faces which is nice. I am trying to get accustomed to the group, but as your prototypical, "New Overly-Opinionated Ass-Hole" this has become a bit tricky. Whatever, it'll happen.

The love life is...ummm...The End...

Family is well. The last thing I heard from my Mom was a quote on my blog about poor decisions, she said, BRANDON MATTHEW WATSON. And that was it. I am assuming it was Mother Dearest because of the tone, yes text has tone.

Overall, my life seems hectic right now, and frankly its not terribly fun. I am the kind of personality that loves to be around people, whether it be a group of ten people, or just one, I just like having someone to talk to. Plus, I don't look so batshit crazy when there is someone else to talk to. I have recently been changing my plans and schedule around a lot in the hopes of having consecutive days off from work which has tragically backfired, because the handful people who I actually was looking forward to hanging out with are either busy, or not around. Therefore, I have had a lot of time to think. Thinking for me is dangerous, unless Trivial Pursuit or Cranium, then I will murder you, figuratively of course. :-) When I think, I think way too much. I think myself into situations that are so unbelievably far-fetched that I for some reason believe them. Lame...

I have to do an Obama shout out, simply because this is the best day in the last 8 calender years. I feel happy, elated almost. George Bush and his 22% approval rating have just landed in Texas where he will forever resign to being labeled, "The Worst President in United States History". Worse than Nixon(Watergate), worse than Warren G. Harding(Tea Pot Dome Scandal), worse than Ronald Reagan (Just being a douche or Dingle-Berry). Immediately after 9/11, Bush's Approval rating his approval rating soared from a dismal pre 9/11 mark of 51 to 90%. As he ascended from the Capital Helipad his rating had descended to the lowest mark ever, in the history of the United States Executive Branch. In conclusion, I hate George W. Bush, I hate his smug smirks, I hate the fact that he still after 8 years of foul-ups, takes no accountability for anything that he has helped create/destroy...

Bon Voyage Dingle-Berry...

Oh and for those of you who are still reading, check out my co-worker Allison's awkward encounters and dating predicaments at allisonslaadventures.blogspot.com