For two reasons, A. Boredom and 2. I have lots of thought dancing around in my clinically disturbed booze shaker of a head. I am not sure what this will be about until the very end, but we'll see what happens.
I have gotten quite a bit of crap from people for a couple of reasons recently. The first was my "unfair and insensitive" portrayal of Inglewood. And to those people who have expressed concern, go away. I simply documented everything i saw, including a bit of photo evidence. Stereotypes are funny, especially when they play out to be true...Chicken-heads... 2. "You have not posted enough of the negative stuff that is happening to you." Thanks Brian! My misery is your pleasure, I will try to live a crappier life for your convenience.
I have decided that everytime I go out, I am going to try and create drama for your enjoyment. I thinking a random slur, or an airborne pint glass at 1am at the Abbey would do the trick. Or maybe hooking up with a large lady-man on the corner of Santa Monica Blvd and San Vicente. Getting arrested has its appeal as does trying to steal a kiss form a couple who happen to already me making out...So many choices...A simple boob grab or random ass-slap also has potential to create some problems. Any other suggestions? My well-being and life are in your hands...
Work is going really well. I have not had a run in with "Jean Summers" and her 30Lb Pussy in quite awhile. I think if she were to come in and talk to me I would be driven over the edge. Then I would have to explain to the police why I hit her with the 25Lb printer that I am staring at right now. I think if I just direct them to her history they will understand.
Friends are good. I missed out on a trip to Temecula on Sunday to celebreate, Paul's, Kat's, Kelly's, Sophie's and John's Birthdays because I just did not feel well enough to go out, and because I did not want to go down there by myself. I had aasked a couple people who showed a slight interest but that appeared to fade with time. As it always does with acquaintances. I have been going out quite a bit up here and meeting some new faces which is nice. I am trying to get accustomed to the group, but as your prototypical, "New Overly-Opinionated Ass-Hole" this has become a bit tricky. Whatever, it'll happen.
The love life is...ummm...The End...
Family is well. The last thing I heard from my Mom was a quote on my blog about poor decisions, she said, BRANDON MATTHEW WATSON. And that was it. I am assuming it was Mother Dearest because of the tone, yes text has tone.
Overall, my life seems hectic right now, and frankly its not terribly fun. I am the kind of personality that loves to be around people, whether it be a group of ten people, or just one, I just like having someone to talk to. Plus, I don't look so batshit crazy when there is someone else to talk to. I have recently been changing my plans and schedule around a lot in the hopes of having consecutive days off from work which has tragically backfired, because the handful people who I actually was looking forward to hanging out with are either busy, or not around. Therefore, I have had a lot of time to think. Thinking for me is dangerous, unless Trivial Pursuit or Cranium, then I will murder you, figuratively of course. :-) When I think, I think way too much. I think myself into situations that are so unbelievably far-fetched that I for some reason believe them. Lame...
I have to do an Obama shout out, simply because this is the best day in the last 8 calender years. I feel happy, elated almost. George Bush and his 22% approval rating have just landed in Texas where he will forever resign to being labeled, "The Worst President in United States History". Worse than Nixon(Watergate), worse than Warren G. Harding(Tea Pot Dome Scandal), worse than Ronald Reagan (Just being a douche or Dingle-Berry). Immediately after 9/11, Bush's Approval rating his approval rating soared from a dismal pre 9/11 mark of 51 to 90%. As he ascended from the Capital Helipad his rating had descended to the lowest mark ever, in the history of the United States Executive Branch. In conclusion, I hate George W. Bush, I hate his smug smirks, I hate the fact that he still after 8 years of foul-ups, takes no accountability for anything that he has helped create/destroy...
Bon Voyage Dingle-Berry...
Oh and for those of you who are still reading, check out my co-worker Allison's awkward encounters and dating predicaments at allisonslaadventures.blogspot.com
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Obama Time
How can you not get excited over this? For those of you that are still in denial about the atrocity, audacity and destruction caused by the last 8 years. Open your eyes. This nation is only as effective as its people, and the people are finally united. For the first time in my life and as far as I know, since Kennedy, yes, I am comparing Obama to Kennedy, this nation has rallied around someone, something. The embarrassment that was known as George W Bush is done. Over. The only thing that remains is his "Legacy", and that is something that he need to bear the burden of, because I have washed my hands clean.
Our patchwork Heritage is a strength not a weakness...This is the first time that people from every walk of life, no matter the class, religion, ethnicity or orientation have united around one person or one idea. I am not saying that PRESIDENT OBAMA is the answer, but he is definitely not more of the problem...This is a step in the right direction for all Americans.
On a lighter note, watch this HILARIOUS video...
Our patchwork Heritage is a strength not a weakness...This is the first time that people from every walk of life, no matter the class, religion, ethnicity or orientation have united around one person or one idea. I am not saying that PRESIDENT OBAMA is the answer, but he is definitely not more of the problem...This is a step in the right direction for all Americans.
On a lighter note, watch this HILARIOUS video...
Monday, January 19, 2009
Poor Decisions...
Yesterday was fun, I had the day off so I went to hang out with a friend in the valley for a couple of hours and then headed to The Spa for a beverage or four. It was so good to see the Sunday crew again, Harry, Debbie, Will, Kevin and Santos all in the same place again. I hung out there for awhile and then went with Harry and Kevin to grab some dinner.
I went out with Adrian last night, whose last name, and I can now confirm it, is not Rn. We went to Mother Lode and met the coolest Barman ever! Doug! A few Vodka Sodas and a couple Washington Apples later and I was getting pretty buzzed. This guy, whom i have seemingly forgotten his name and will therefore be known as "Not a Chance in Hell" or NACIH from now on, came up and asked me about my drink. We started talking and I just kinda decided that I will talk to him for a little bit, because his friends were getting ready to leave and I figured they'd take him with them. WRONG, 10 minutes later he was still talking, and touching...yuck. His friend came up to him and said alright I think we are going to leave, and as soon as NACIH turned to look for his friend I was gone...Stealth...
So I stopped drinking in order to be able to drive. I was heading down Doheney and cut through Beverly Hills over to my street via Gregory. I stop at a stop sign, and see those ominous Crown Victoria headlights behind me. I roll my windows down, and stop at the next three stop signs. I made a right onto Robertson and stopped at the Olympic stop light. They pulled right up next to me and this is what happened:
Piggy McPiggerson(Pig): How you doing tonight?
Me: I'm doing well thanks.
Pig: Where you headed?
Me: Robertson and Pico, Home
Pig: Were you out at the bars tonight?
Me: Yup
Pig: Alright, Get home safely.
Me: Huh?
Pig: I said Drive home safely.
That folks was my last get out of jail free card. I am a huge shamer of drunk drivers. I know we have all done it at one point in our lives, but that does not make it ok. I was not bombed or anything, and I was completely capable of driving, but I was probably pretty near the .08. Stupid...
I went out with Adrian last night, whose last name, and I can now confirm it, is not Rn. We went to Mother Lode and met the coolest Barman ever! Doug! A few Vodka Sodas and a couple Washington Apples later and I was getting pretty buzzed. This guy, whom i have seemingly forgotten his name and will therefore be known as "Not a Chance in Hell" or NACIH from now on, came up and asked me about my drink. We started talking and I just kinda decided that I will talk to him for a little bit, because his friends were getting ready to leave and I figured they'd take him with them. WRONG, 10 minutes later he was still talking, and touching...yuck. His friend came up to him and said alright I think we are going to leave, and as soon as NACIH turned to look for his friend I was gone...Stealth...
So I stopped drinking in order to be able to drive. I was heading down Doheney and cut through Beverly Hills over to my street via Gregory. I stop at a stop sign, and see those ominous Crown Victoria headlights behind me. I roll my windows down, and stop at the next three stop signs. I made a right onto Robertson and stopped at the Olympic stop light. They pulled right up next to me and this is what happened:
Piggy McPiggerson(Pig): How you doing tonight?
Me: I'm doing well thanks.
Pig: Where you headed?
Me: Robertson and Pico, Home
Pig: Were you out at the bars tonight?
Me: Yup
Pig: Alright, Get home safely.
Me: Huh?
Pig: I said Drive home safely.
That folks was my last get out of jail free card. I am a huge shamer of drunk drivers. I know we have all done it at one point in our lives, but that does not make it ok. I was not bombed or anything, and I was completely capable of driving, but I was probably pretty near the .08. Stupid...
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Timothy Intervention
As mentioned in my previous blog, Tim and I went out.
I called Tim at about 8PM because I had not heard of anything going on and Tim said that he may want to go out. I said, "Tim, Come Out and Play! I need someone to save me from myself." Haha, but no really, that is definitely a partial truth.
I have been nothing short of a psychopath for the last couple weeks and I needed a change of pace. Work has really taken a lot out of me as well as life outside of work, etc... Draining, physically and emotionally. Yesterday was my first day off from the gym since the 4th and Friday was my first full day off of work in that same time period. I have become quite the introvert, and for those of you who have known me for a long time, an introvert is not the best way to describe me. Soooooo anyways...
Tim and I were not really sure where we were going to go, soooo Tim put his sexy car(See a 3649Lb Orgasm post) on auto-pilot and we ended up parking at the Abbey. Hmmm, Weird, the Abbey?
We grabbed a drink and made fun of some older gentleman whom finds it fitting to wear his sunglasses at night, in a bar...and if you are blind and use them as eye shields, my apologies...but yeah, we kinda milled around for a bit and looked at people...errr...Well I frantically searched for a pretty face and Tim stared at "Barman" until i had to wipe the drool off of his chin. There was one pretty face in a (couldn't actually tell)light blue/lavender/teal/aquamarine/sea foam green/mint green/turquoise colored shirt with a really neat tattoo on his arm. He was there with his also attractive friend and a lady friend. I kinda made quick eye contact but, being the pansy that I am, I looked away quickly and pretended to ignore him. Smooth...Jesus I suck...We got our drinks from "Barman" and headed into the adjacent room where they followed us, stood there for five minute, RIGHT NEXT TO US, STARED AT US, and still, all I could do was look at Tim and talk about something totally stupid, like (Here comes my George Cleveland Shout-out) Zoroastrianism, the 1985 Danny White led Dallas Cowboys, Vanna White, or other supercilious topics. I need to work on my "game". Maybe I will take another trip to Inglewood and have one of my homies teach me how to "Holler at dem hoes"...
Anyways, Tim and I moved on and were standing at the front and saw Phil and said hello. I turned around to find Tim and he was gone, just like that. He had been abducted by an absolutely smashed foreign couple who were slow-dancing to a different beat. Tim, kinda looked at me with that, "Please God Strike Me Dead So This Will Stop" kind of look and called me over then I got sucked in. The couple had their arms around Tim and I and the lady was getting frisky. We escaped just in time as the couple started making out. It was only 1:30 but Timothy was tired and I was getting inexplicably grumpy. I guess it just comes with old age, so we headed out. I needed a night out without any pressure or stress and I got it. I feel as refreshed as a hung-over person might expect to feel.
I was supposed to go wine tasting today for a few friends birthdays but I really was not in the mood to get into my car and drive to SD by myself. I asked a few people to go, but none of them seemed too enthused about it, so I kinda stopped pursuing it. Cut your losses right? Alright all, enjoy the rest of your weekend!
B
I called Tim at about 8PM because I had not heard of anything going on and Tim said that he may want to go out. I said, "Tim, Come Out and Play! I need someone to save me from myself." Haha, but no really, that is definitely a partial truth.
I have been nothing short of a psychopath for the last couple weeks and I needed a change of pace. Work has really taken a lot out of me as well as life outside of work, etc... Draining, physically and emotionally. Yesterday was my first day off from the gym since the 4th and Friday was my first full day off of work in that same time period. I have become quite the introvert, and for those of you who have known me for a long time, an introvert is not the best way to describe me. Soooooo anyways...
Tim and I were not really sure where we were going to go, soooo Tim put his sexy car(See a 3649Lb Orgasm post) on auto-pilot and we ended up parking at the Abbey. Hmmm, Weird, the Abbey?
We grabbed a drink and made fun of some older gentleman whom finds it fitting to wear his sunglasses at night, in a bar...and if you are blind and use them as eye shields, my apologies...but yeah, we kinda milled around for a bit and looked at people...errr...Well I frantically searched for a pretty face and Tim stared at "Barman" until i had to wipe the drool off of his chin. There was one pretty face in a (couldn't actually tell)light blue/lavender/teal/aquamarine/sea foam green/mint green/turquoise colored shirt with a really neat tattoo on his arm. He was there with his also attractive friend and a lady friend. I kinda made quick eye contact but, being the pansy that I am, I looked away quickly and pretended to ignore him. Smooth...Jesus I suck...We got our drinks from "Barman" and headed into the adjacent room where they followed us, stood there for five minute, RIGHT NEXT TO US, STARED AT US, and still, all I could do was look at Tim and talk about something totally stupid, like (Here comes my George Cleveland Shout-out) Zoroastrianism, the 1985 Danny White led Dallas Cowboys, Vanna White, or other supercilious topics. I need to work on my "game". Maybe I will take another trip to Inglewood and have one of my homies teach me how to "Holler at dem hoes"...
Anyways, Tim and I moved on and were standing at the front and saw Phil and said hello. I turned around to find Tim and he was gone, just like that. He had been abducted by an absolutely smashed foreign couple who were slow-dancing to a different beat. Tim, kinda looked at me with that, "Please God Strike Me Dead So This Will Stop" kind of look and called me over then I got sucked in. The couple had their arms around Tim and I and the lady was getting frisky. We escaped just in time as the couple started making out. It was only 1:30 but Timothy was tired and I was getting inexplicably grumpy. I guess it just comes with old age, so we headed out. I needed a night out without any pressure or stress and I got it. I feel as refreshed as a hung-over person might expect to feel.
I was supposed to go wine tasting today for a few friends birthdays but I really was not in the mood to get into my car and drive to SD by myself. I asked a few people to go, but none of them seemed too enthused about it, so I kinda stopped pursuing it. Cut your losses right? Alright all, enjoy the rest of your weekend!
B
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Brandon and the Triple Date...
I went to Dinner last night at Maggiano's Little Italy at The Grove with Nareth, Tim and Tim's friends Shelly. Had a good time. I have not really talked to Tim in a while in depth, and Nareth had not seen him since October so it was nice to catch up.
After dinner, Rettles and I went to Phil and RD's to pre-drink before we went to the bars...Baller's on a Budget...We had five or six shots of Vodka and Papaya juice and then headed out. We went to Rage and got on the dance floor, I started dancing and Rettles looked at me and shook his head. He said, like a hula hoop, dance like you're hula hooping! So I Hula hooped for a little bit, and then it went south again...He looked at me again, and this time looked disgusted, he said, "Just try and feel the music." I said I'm white, this is how we feel music....I was feeling it so hard my hand was sliding up the songs thigh and going for the crotch...however, my movements weren't reflecting it....And that, ladies and gentlemen how I dance...I will take charity dance lessons if someone REALLY feels sorry for me...
Nareth said, c'mon, lets just get another drink...I concurred...
We had another drink or two and decided it was time to take off.
***Fast forward to tonight***
Tim and I are going out again tonight, not sure where, but we'll see where it goes...I'm sure I'll have something to blog about tomorrow! haha
After dinner, Rettles and I went to Phil and RD's to pre-drink before we went to the bars...Baller's on a Budget...We had five or six shots of Vodka and Papaya juice and then headed out. We went to Rage and got on the dance floor, I started dancing and Rettles looked at me and shook his head. He said, like a hula hoop, dance like you're hula hooping! So I Hula hooped for a little bit, and then it went south again...He looked at me again, and this time looked disgusted, he said, "Just try and feel the music." I said I'm white, this is how we feel music....I was feeling it so hard my hand was sliding up the songs thigh and going for the crotch...however, my movements weren't reflecting it....And that, ladies and gentlemen how I dance...I will take charity dance lessons if someone REALLY feels sorry for me...
Nareth said, c'mon, lets just get another drink...I concurred...
We had another drink or two and decided it was time to take off.
***Fast forward to tonight***
Tim and I are going out again tonight, not sure where, but we'll see where it goes...I'm sure I'll have something to blog about tomorrow! haha
The Darwin Awards
One of my personal favorites is the Darwin Awards. Read on...
It's that time again: The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine that toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist ... !
Read on, and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
The nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his unfortunate sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles (HARD to control light airplanes when everyone moves to one side).
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael , a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
It's that time again: The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine that toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist ... !
Read on, and remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.
The nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his unfortunate sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles (HARD to control light airplanes when everyone moves to one side).
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael , a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Always up to no good...
This is going to be the most offensive blog that I have ever written. You have been warned so I don't want to hear anyone whining about the inappropriateness of it all. Get over it...
My First trip to Inglewood...
So I went to a job interview today for a fancy-schmancy restaurant in Manhattan Beach. The interview went really well except for the very last question he asked...He looked at my address and said, "Do You live in that West Hollywood area?" I was kinda taken aback by the question and he quickly covered his ass by saying, "Oh, I mean I am new to the area and just trying to get my bearings straight." Hmmmm, ok...
After my interview I went to Costco to get some goodies. I mapped it on my phone and found out that the nearest one was next to Hollywood Park Casino. So I headed up there and parked. I had no idea that I was in Inglewood til it was too late...This is where the offensive part begins. I think I will label this blog, Stereotypes...
I got out of my car, and Stereotype #1 occurred, a large tall man, probably almost 9 feet tall and about 3100 Lbs was pushing his cart while doing a "Gangster Lean," yes a Gangster Lean... I flashed my card at the door and notices a sign that said no personal checks...#2
I did not get past the mouthwash/body care section before I heard another Inglewoodian holler at his hoe, "You such a Chicken-Head, Get off yo damn phone." At this point I had busted up laughing, and had to escape to the frozen food section, where the old lady(who was, contrary to recent occurrences, very pleasant) was sampling Mickey Mouse Fried Chicken Nuggets. That's # 4. I went to the meat section, and all they had for chicken was drumsticks...skin on...no kidding. #5. Not a Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast in sight. There were signs throughout the store printed in English and Spanish that read, "Mind Your Children." Now that is not really a stereotype, however when the image on the sign is of the silhouetted woman dragging child dragging doll:
Which as we all know, pertains to immigration. So for the sake of making them seem more racially insensitive, I am going to tag that as #6.
I was loading my groceries into my car. It was hot as hell, so I turned my car on and rolled down the windows while i loaded the trunk. My CD player started and broke into "How Many Licks" by Lil Kim as a Woman was getting her two kids out of the car right next to me. I almost tripped over my own feet trying to get to front seat fast enough to turn my radio down. She just shook her head at me and shot me a dirty look...Why wouldn't that happen, right??
On my way out of the parking lot, I ran into THE other Caucasian patron. Or so I thought, when i passed him he was asking for change....
So my first/last trip to Inglewood was satisfactorily non-eventful, and I got a kick out of the Tyler Perry-esque generalities and stereotypes that I saw. David always claims to be a little bit "Hood", after living there for 6 months. I always give him crap about it, but now, I think I should give him a little more street cred! Haha
Oh Inglewood, you are always up to no good...
B
My First trip to Inglewood...
So I went to a job interview today for a fancy-schmancy restaurant in Manhattan Beach. The interview went really well except for the very last question he asked...He looked at my address and said, "Do You live in that West Hollywood area?" I was kinda taken aback by the question and he quickly covered his ass by saying, "Oh, I mean I am new to the area and just trying to get my bearings straight." Hmmmm, ok...
After my interview I went to Costco to get some goodies. I mapped it on my phone and found out that the nearest one was next to Hollywood Park Casino. So I headed up there and parked. I had no idea that I was in Inglewood til it was too late...This is where the offensive part begins. I think I will label this blog, Stereotypes...
I got out of my car, and Stereotype #1 occurred, a large tall man, probably almost 9 feet tall and about 3100 Lbs was pushing his cart while doing a "Gangster Lean," yes a Gangster Lean... I flashed my card at the door and notices a sign that said no personal checks...#2
I did not get past the mouthwash/body care section before I heard another Inglewoodian holler at his hoe, "You such a Chicken-Head, Get off yo damn phone." At this point I had busted up laughing, and had to escape to the frozen food section, where the old lady(who was, contrary to recent occurrences, very pleasant) was sampling Mickey Mouse Fried Chicken Nuggets. That's # 4. I went to the meat section, and all they had for chicken was drumsticks...skin on...no kidding. #5. Not a Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast in sight. There were signs throughout the store printed in English and Spanish that read, "Mind Your Children." Now that is not really a stereotype, however when the image on the sign is of the silhouetted woman dragging child dragging doll:
Which as we all know, pertains to immigration. So for the sake of making them seem more racially insensitive, I am going to tag that as #6.
I was loading my groceries into my car. It was hot as hell, so I turned my car on and rolled down the windows while i loaded the trunk. My CD player started and broke into "How Many Licks" by Lil Kim as a Woman was getting her two kids out of the car right next to me. I almost tripped over my own feet trying to get to front seat fast enough to turn my radio down. She just shook her head at me and shot me a dirty look...Why wouldn't that happen, right??
On my way out of the parking lot, I ran into THE other Caucasian patron. Or so I thought, when i passed him he was asking for change....
So my first/last trip to Inglewood was satisfactorily non-eventful, and I got a kick out of the Tyler Perry-esque generalities and stereotypes that I saw. David always claims to be a little bit "Hood", after living there for 6 months. I always give him crap about it, but now, I think I should give him a little more street cred! Haha
Oh Inglewood, you are always up to no good...
B
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I think therefore I am bored...
Sometimes I wish I was dumb. I wish my mind was numb. I wish I had a calm, complacent mind that did not wander...but INSTEAD....I am stuck with this big damn balding dome on top of my shoulders...When I am bored, my mind races, I think about everything, I worry about everything,I ponder all the what-ifs, how-comes, and why-woulds of everyday existence. I should be thinking about something constructive, like, where should I get a second Job, when should I return to school, how can I better myself, my life? etc. Instead I sit here on the couch, thinking, and sometimes its depressing, sometimes its enlightening, but every thought pertains to something that is out of my control. I cannot control what others do, think and feel, but I still manage to waste, what could be valuable time being consumed by thought. I have a philosophy about not sweating the small stuff in life, but recently I have not exactly adhered to that philosophy.
Maybe its just human nature to wonder...to put yourself in different situations and position, or maybe its the 5 shots of iced espresso that I have had over the last 30 minutes...Haha, either way, its time to get ready for work. Sorry I am not more entertaining today. I will try to pick another fight with the elderly/homeless for your entertainment...
B
Maybe its just human nature to wonder...to put yourself in different situations and position, or maybe its the 5 shots of iced espresso that I have had over the last 30 minutes...Haha, either way, its time to get ready for work. Sorry I am not more entertaining today. I will try to pick another fight with the elderly/homeless for your entertainment...
B
New idea...
So my life has been slow recently, at least on the blog front. No fights with the decrepit, drunken shenanigans or bar brawls to speak of. There have been some akward/confusing/frustrating situations of late, but I am saving those for a rainy day.
I did have one blog-worthy story to tell, I had the most impressive celebrity sighting ever today...I had what I think was an "Eric Estrada Sighting." You all know Eric Estrada from those silly pictures:
Oh, and he was also on some show "CHiP's" in the 80's...The best part, and again, I'm not 100% sure this was him, but he was parked at the BP gas station on Robertson and Olympic and was driving a refurbished Police Cruiser. I thought, Ohhhh, the Irony!!!
Allison and I went out to Bingo last night at Hamburger Mary's and met Nareth, Frangelo, Jeffery and Kris. Played a little gay bingo and then went over to OBar to see Kevin Barry for his 30th B-day. He was a bit sauced but had had a good night! I was sad to hear that he will be leaving back to cold Philadelphia at the end of February, but I guess that's life right?
We went to Fiesta for Karaoke and milled around for a little bit, Nareth taught me to dance like I'm hula hooping. Hahaha, fun times! Before long, I'm not going to need booze to dance! hahaha. I work today at 4 for a couple hours and then have Friday off which will be nice!!! Have a lovely Thursday people.
Brandon
I did have one blog-worthy story to tell, I had the most impressive celebrity sighting ever today...I had what I think was an "Eric Estrada Sighting." You all know Eric Estrada from those silly pictures:
Oh, and he was also on some show "CHiP's" in the 80's...The best part, and again, I'm not 100% sure this was him, but he was parked at the BP gas station on Robertson and Olympic and was driving a refurbished Police Cruiser. I thought, Ohhhh, the Irony!!!
Allison and I went out to Bingo last night at Hamburger Mary's and met Nareth, Frangelo, Jeffery and Kris. Played a little gay bingo and then went over to OBar to see Kevin Barry for his 30th B-day. He was a bit sauced but had had a good night! I was sad to hear that he will be leaving back to cold Philadelphia at the end of February, but I guess that's life right?
We went to Fiesta for Karaoke and milled around for a little bit, Nareth taught me to dance like I'm hula hooping. Hahaha, fun times! Before long, I'm not going to need booze to dance! hahaha. I work today at 4 for a couple hours and then have Friday off which will be nice!!! Have a lovely Thursday people.
Brandon
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
For all you Twitter A-holes...Brett...
I am on twitter now and am tweeting(sp?) I hate technology! But add me!
Brandon1982
Later
Brandon1982
Later
An MJ's kinda night...
I'll start off by saying that I feel a little better than I did yesterday about life and connections and that I feel as though I have hit the reset button on life which was something that I was not really allowed to do in the last few months. :-)
I went to MJ's last night with David, Richard and Ellis and met a few friends that I have not seen in awhile, Patrick, Brian and Adrian. It was great to catch up with everyone. In typical MJ's fashion, there was gross 80's porn on the TV along with some gross 80's Go-Go dancers on stage...We grabbed a quick drink and headed outside. After meandering around for an hour or so, we headed back in to dance for a little bit. Yes, dance, Yes, Me. The more that I go out with Rich and Davie the more I dance. I cannot help it...I am slowly becoming less white, well at least I am exhibiting less of the "White Boy Dance Stereotype". Not that I know how to dance, or that it looks even remotely like dancing, its fun to just let your inhibitions go and move around a bit.
So we were dancing around and some big gross sweaty guy bumped into me, and "saturated" my right arm...Bleh!!! I moved forward a bit and he slammed into me again. At this point he was pretty much grinding on me, I kept trying to move away and he kept getting right back on me. I was surrounded by attractive people, and this guys was on me? Really? Damn the luck! Whatever, I had a lot of fun with the guys and look forward to doing it again sometime soon.
Oh and Adrian, Banana Penis Porn, I told you I'd remember!
I got work today from 3-9 and then might be going to Karaoke tonight with Allison at Fiesta. I think we are doing a Duet, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee. We'll see how that goes. Talk at y'all later.
I went to MJ's last night with David, Richard and Ellis and met a few friends that I have not seen in awhile, Patrick, Brian and Adrian. It was great to catch up with everyone. In typical MJ's fashion, there was gross 80's porn on the TV along with some gross 80's Go-Go dancers on stage...We grabbed a quick drink and headed outside. After meandering around for an hour or so, we headed back in to dance for a little bit. Yes, dance, Yes, Me. The more that I go out with Rich and Davie the more I dance. I cannot help it...I am slowly becoming less white, well at least I am exhibiting less of the "White Boy Dance Stereotype". Not that I know how to dance, or that it looks even remotely like dancing, its fun to just let your inhibitions go and move around a bit.
So we were dancing around and some big gross sweaty guy bumped into me, and "saturated" my right arm...Bleh!!! I moved forward a bit and he slammed into me again. At this point he was pretty much grinding on me, I kept trying to move away and he kept getting right back on me. I was surrounded by attractive people, and this guys was on me? Really? Damn the luck! Whatever, I had a lot of fun with the guys and look forward to doing it again sometime soon.
Oh and Adrian, Banana Penis Porn, I told you I'd remember!
I got work today from 3-9 and then might be going to Karaoke tonight with Allison at Fiesta. I think we are doing a Duet, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee. We'll see how that goes. Talk at y'all later.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Some ties are meant to be cut...
And some loose ends are meant to be tied up...I need to figure myself and my "ties" out, and soon, because its really screwing shit up. Thats all that I am going to say about that.
In other news, I almost had a heart-attack today. Really, I may have been pretty close. I went to the gym this morning and shot some hoops for a little bit. It felt good to jump around for 30 minutes or so. I had not played basketball since Meech and I dominated psychopaths at the Hollywood Arclight 24 back in June. It got my heart rate racing and my blood pumping. I was going to go and do some quick cardio and then head home to get ready for work. My right knee which usually prevents me high impact cardio(treadmill) felt good and loose so I decided to get on the treadmill. I just started running! It felt great. My heart was racing i could feel my pulse in my temples. About 25 minutes later, which is probably the longest I have ever ran...ever...ever...I reached down and grabbed the heart rate monitor and was astonished!!!! My heart rate was 196bpm...WTF? I let it go and grabbed it again and it said 195. Ok, time to stop. I normally have a slow resting heart rate, about 50-54 bpm. It has been an hour since I left the gym and it is still about 84bpm...Hmmm, no more treadmill for awhile...
In other less boring news, oh no wait there is no other news... *sigh*
In other news, I almost had a heart-attack today. Really, I may have been pretty close. I went to the gym this morning and shot some hoops for a little bit. It felt good to jump around for 30 minutes or so. I had not played basketball since Meech and I dominated psychopaths at the Hollywood Arclight 24 back in June. It got my heart rate racing and my blood pumping. I was going to go and do some quick cardio and then head home to get ready for work. My right knee which usually prevents me high impact cardio(treadmill) felt good and loose so I decided to get on the treadmill. I just started running! It felt great. My heart was racing i could feel my pulse in my temples. About 25 minutes later, which is probably the longest I have ever ran...ever...ever...I reached down and grabbed the heart rate monitor and was astonished!!!! My heart rate was 196bpm...WTF? I let it go and grabbed it again and it said 195. Ok, time to stop. I normally have a slow resting heart rate, about 50-54 bpm. It has been an hour since I left the gym and it is still about 84bpm...Hmmm, no more treadmill for awhile...
In other less boring news, oh no wait there is no other news... *sigh*
Monday, January 12, 2009
Tags
So I went through and tagged my blog posts accordingly to get an idea of what my rants have involved. My most common tags are "Philosophical Bullshit", "Booze" and "Euthanasia". Hmmm, intriguing
Just a couple of Tid-Bits
As my work day was winding down and coming to a close, I was pondering what to do with myself after work. Gym? Food? A Movie? Thankfully, David text me and answered my question. He and his roommate Richard were going out for a quick beverage and to meet with Richards new "Squeeze" who, by the way, is really cool.
We got to Foxtail around 10:30 or so. None of us had ever been there before, but apparently it was gay night on this one particular Sunday. Richard met up with Ellis and a couple of his friends. They were all really nice. Tony and Dan I think their names were, and we danced the night away...Well, realistically, I shuffled my stupid white feet around and bobbed my head, like white people do when they attempt this "Dance" thing.
Normally I prefer dancing "with/against" someone, but as soon as that someone got a little closer, I just locked up and froze like a pre-pubescent boy at his first middle-school dance, wondering if its her "Koodies" that are making his loins tingle...sigh...What the hell Brandon? Dumb-ass...
Alright, enough about my strife, lets talk wine...I am planning on going to Temecula on Sunday for a wine tasting with a bunch of my hetero-life-mates from San Diego. I think I wanna gay it up a bit, anyone wanna go? It might be an all day excursion, I'll drive, and yes...I'll stay sober. For those of you who know me well, I am making quite the sacrafice staying sober on a winery trip! I just want some good company and some good times! Give me a bell if you are interested...
We got to Foxtail around 10:30 or so. None of us had ever been there before, but apparently it was gay night on this one particular Sunday. Richard met up with Ellis and a couple of his friends. They were all really nice. Tony and Dan I think their names were, and we danced the night away...Well, realistically, I shuffled my stupid white feet around and bobbed my head, like white people do when they attempt this "Dance" thing.
Normally I prefer dancing "with/against" someone, but as soon as that someone got a little closer, I just locked up and froze like a pre-pubescent boy at his first middle-school dance, wondering if its her "Koodies" that are making his loins tingle...sigh...What the hell Brandon? Dumb-ass...
Alright, enough about my strife, lets talk wine...I am planning on going to Temecula on Sunday for a wine tasting with a bunch of my hetero-life-mates from San Diego. I think I wanna gay it up a bit, anyone wanna go? It might be an all day excursion, I'll drive, and yes...I'll stay sober. For those of you who know me well, I am making quite the sacrafice staying sober on a winery trip! I just want some good company and some good times! Give me a bell if you are interested...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Karaoke!
I would like to preface this blog by saying GO CHARGERS!!! The Bolts play in crappy freezing cold Pittsburgh today and are going to need to play flawless...We'll see what happens...
And now, onto the Juicy Bits!
I got out of work last night around 9PM and raced out to Korea Town to meet Nareth and the girls at Yose Karaoke Bar. I was exhausted from work but felt like I needed to go out.
As soon as I walked into the room Ron poured me a beverage and it was ON! I could not drink that much because I was driving, but I got my fair share. Enough to sing backup on a couple songs, Don't Stop Believing (Journey), Don't Speak (No Doubt), and of course, YMCA, what else would you sing in a room full of drunk gays. haha. Everyone was seemingly having a great time. We were there for about 3 hours and then most headed home but a few of us, Nareth, Kevin, Mario, Jorrell and Myself, headed to the Abbey. I was the fifth leg, but its ok. We got a drink and decided to call it a night.
I had a blast on my first Karaoke night, and hope that there are more. Next time, someone can drive me that way I can let my true singing talent show!! God help all of you...Haha
And now, onto the Juicy Bits!
I got out of work last night around 9PM and raced out to Korea Town to meet Nareth and the girls at Yose Karaoke Bar. I was exhausted from work but felt like I needed to go out.
As soon as I walked into the room Ron poured me a beverage and it was ON! I could not drink that much because I was driving, but I got my fair share. Enough to sing backup on a couple songs, Don't Stop Believing (Journey), Don't Speak (No Doubt), and of course, YMCA, what else would you sing in a room full of drunk gays. haha. Everyone was seemingly having a great time. We were there for about 3 hours and then most headed home but a few of us, Nareth, Kevin, Mario, Jorrell and Myself, headed to the Abbey. I was the fifth leg, but its ok. We got a drink and decided to call it a night.
I had a blast on my first Karaoke night, and hope that there are more. Next time, someone can drive me that way I can let my true singing talent show!! God help all of you...Haha
Saturday, January 10, 2009
OLD PEOPLE!!! ARGH!
I was just at Vons on Fairfax and Pico and had just finished loading up my car, got in closed my door and got ready to back out. An old man, probably around the age of 410, pulled into the spot next to me in his MASSIVE Cadillac. I was waiting for him to pull all the way in so that I could back out. His buddy in the passenger seat throws his door open into mine. Keep in mind, I am sitting in my car with my window down looking at them. He then proceeds to get out of the car look at me, look at my door and then close his. I said "Excuse Me, You just hit my car." He looked at me and said, "No I didn't, I don't understand." So I smiled, looked straight ahead grit my teeth, rolled up my window and left.
My heel was pulsating the entire time too...
Is Obama Pro Euthanasia?
My heel was pulsating the entire time too...
Is Obama Pro Euthanasia?
Why Can't Life Be Easy?
Because then it would not be called "Life". It would be called "Easy". God I'm philosophical...
***CAUTION*** THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS SOME DEEP SHIT!! READ WITH DISCRETION. Hehe
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days since getting back from San Diego. Thinking about where I am at right now, relationships(or lack there of), friendships and work related stuff. And I have come to the conclusion that without a little struggle in life I would have completely lost interest by now. I get frustrated with myself and others sometimes because I am not certain of what is going on. I like to know what people think (both about me, and in general), and I like to know intentions. I have always been a decent judge on character/intent, and I think that is one of the reasons that I still have 4 close friends from the age of 6, Ryan Arant, Alan Brimer, Aimee Davignon and James Barlow. I am right now though at a loss. I feel like I have become a bit disconnected from those around me and those that I think I really care about or have the potential to really care about. I am happy to have made some new friends recently, but am not able to read intent. This is something that only time can solve. It is also something that makes me a big friggin' "Worry Wort." Its one of those situations where I just need to keep playing the game of life, and see where my path takes me. I have come to the realization that in the game of "Life", no matter how hard it is, and how alone and somber you feel, you never really lose the game until you quit playing.
In other news, Marlene Okner, yes you Marlene, has left us at work for greener pastures and ridiculous schedules! I work 15 of the next 16 days and my only day off is a crappy Monday. I am taking Sundays off starting on the 18th and am going to enjoy every bit of them. It will be nice to have a lazy day off when all my amigos are off too. The one problem with being in the service/hospitality industry is that your schedule is usually pretty effed-up as Marsa says.
My Chargers are playing tomorrow at 1:00PM. I work at 2:00.. :-| Really? They are playing the Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh and are NOT at all favorites based on Vegas odds. We'll see how that goes. God knows I'll have ESPN Gamecast up at work watching every play! I hope its not busy on Sunday, because I'm not doing a DAMN THING!
I went out last night with Alex and Joel to the Abbey and met up with Phil, Frang, the Jeffs, Mark, Dindo and a couple others. It was a good time. I kinda sat back and listened to the conversations around me, trying to drink it all in.
Frangelo's man proposed to him on Xmas Day up in the Bay and bought him a really nice ring. I don't know them very well at all, but I am really happy to see the gays standing up to this proposition 8 BS. My advice, go to San Francisco, and let Mayor(Future Governor?) Newsome marry you to spite the 52% of this hateful state.
A couple of Dindo's amigos were drunk and bashing each other and one of them used a racial epithet for a person of Arab origin that also contains a racial slur for a black person...You figure it out...Normally people say whatever and I don't really get that offended. This time was no different, but I still thought about it all the way home. I thought about it long enough that I had a dream last night. I for some reason remember this dream VERY VIVIDLY!
I was at dinner with the cast of Family Matters, Yes, Family Matters, Carl, Harriet, Eddie, Laura, Judy(Who is now an adult filmstar), Richie, Aunt Rachel, Grandma Estelle, Urkel, Waldo and even Urkel's gf Myra...Don't ask. Anyways, every time I opened my mouth a racial slur came out. Finally, Harriet asked me to leave dinner because I was making everyone upset. I woke up with tears in my eyes...WTF is wrong with me? haha
I think that's it, for now at least. I have not had any more run-ins with older Jewish woman which, of course, is a good thing. Today is Saturday though and they are all out walking like zombies. I need to be careful...
***CAUTION*** THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS SOME DEEP SHIT!! READ WITH DISCRETION. Hehe
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days since getting back from San Diego. Thinking about where I am at right now, relationships(or lack there of), friendships and work related stuff. And I have come to the conclusion that without a little struggle in life I would have completely lost interest by now. I get frustrated with myself and others sometimes because I am not certain of what is going on. I like to know what people think (both about me, and in general), and I like to know intentions. I have always been a decent judge on character/intent, and I think that is one of the reasons that I still have 4 close friends from the age of 6, Ryan Arant, Alan Brimer, Aimee Davignon and James Barlow. I am right now though at a loss. I feel like I have become a bit disconnected from those around me and those that I think I really care about or have the potential to really care about. I am happy to have made some new friends recently, but am not able to read intent. This is something that only time can solve. It is also something that makes me a big friggin' "Worry Wort." Its one of those situations where I just need to keep playing the game of life, and see where my path takes me. I have come to the realization that in the game of "Life", no matter how hard it is, and how alone and somber you feel, you never really lose the game until you quit playing.
In other news, Marlene Okner, yes you Marlene, has left us at work for greener pastures and ridiculous schedules! I work 15 of the next 16 days and my only day off is a crappy Monday. I am taking Sundays off starting on the 18th and am going to enjoy every bit of them. It will be nice to have a lazy day off when all my amigos are off too. The one problem with being in the service/hospitality industry is that your schedule is usually pretty effed-up as Marsa says.
My Chargers are playing tomorrow at 1:00PM. I work at 2:00.. :-| Really? They are playing the Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh and are NOT at all favorites based on Vegas odds. We'll see how that goes. God knows I'll have ESPN Gamecast up at work watching every play! I hope its not busy on Sunday, because I'm not doing a DAMN THING!
I went out last night with Alex and Joel to the Abbey and met up with Phil, Frang, the Jeffs, Mark, Dindo and a couple others. It was a good time. I kinda sat back and listened to the conversations around me, trying to drink it all in.
Frangelo's man proposed to him on Xmas Day up in the Bay and bought him a really nice ring. I don't know them very well at all, but I am really happy to see the gays standing up to this proposition 8 BS. My advice, go to San Francisco, and let Mayor(Future Governor?) Newsome marry you to spite the 52% of this hateful state.
A couple of Dindo's amigos were drunk and bashing each other and one of them used a racial epithet for a person of Arab origin that also contains a racial slur for a black person...You figure it out...Normally people say whatever and I don't really get that offended. This time was no different, but I still thought about it all the way home. I thought about it long enough that I had a dream last night. I for some reason remember this dream VERY VIVIDLY!
I was at dinner with the cast of Family Matters, Yes, Family Matters, Carl, Harriet, Eddie, Laura, Judy(Who is now an adult filmstar), Richie, Aunt Rachel, Grandma Estelle, Urkel, Waldo and even Urkel's gf Myra...Don't ask. Anyways, every time I opened my mouth a racial slur came out. Finally, Harriet asked me to leave dinner because I was making everyone upset. I woke up with tears in my eyes...WTF is wrong with me? haha
I think that's it, for now at least. I have not had any more run-ins with older Jewish woman which, of course, is a good thing. Today is Saturday though and they are all out walking like zombies. I need to be careful...
Friday, January 9, 2009
Man Crush...
I think I have another new "Man-Crush." I am "Crushing" for Chris Martin. He realeased a song called Lhuna with Kylie Minogue in honor of World AID's Day on December 1st. It is a haunting song with haunting vocals and a good message.
Enjoy. Use it as background music for your readings!
Kylie:
I’m all by myself
I don’t need anybody else
I’m all by myself
No help
I’m all on my own
Quietly sleeping in my home
I’m all on my own
my own
Chris:
Hello
Won’t you let me come in?
Lhuna, can’t you hear how much I’m suffering?
Hello
Won’t you let me know?
Cos I’m all alone
all alone
Both:
We are dreaming about Lhuna
The smell of her
The touch and the taste of her
dreaming about Lhuna
Her and me, simultaneously
Kylie:
I don’t know what the time is
I don’t know where you’ve flown
And I don’t know why you’re so far
from home
Chris:
Hello
Won’t you let me come in?
Lhuna, can’t you hear how much I’m suffering?
Hello
Won’t you let me know?
Cos I’m all alone
all alone
Both:
We are dreaming about Lhuna
The smell of her
The touch and the taste of her
dreaming about Lhuna
Her and me, simultaneously
Her and me, effortlessly
oh her and me effortlessly
Enjoy. Use it as background music for your readings!
Kylie:
I’m all by myself
I don’t need anybody else
I’m all by myself
No help
I’m all on my own
Quietly sleeping in my home
I’m all on my own
my own
Chris:
Hello
Won’t you let me come in?
Lhuna, can’t you hear how much I’m suffering?
Hello
Won’t you let me know?
Cos I’m all alone
all alone
Both:
We are dreaming about Lhuna
The smell of her
The touch and the taste of her
dreaming about Lhuna
Her and me, simultaneously
Kylie:
I don’t know what the time is
I don’t know where you’ve flown
And I don’t know why you’re so far
from home
Chris:
Hello
Won’t you let me come in?
Lhuna, can’t you hear how much I’m suffering?
Hello
Won’t you let me know?
Cos I’m all alone
all alone
Both:
We are dreaming about Lhuna
The smell of her
The touch and the taste of her
dreaming about Lhuna
Her and me, simultaneously
Her and me, effortlessly
oh her and me effortlessly
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Nothing to report
So really nothing interesting has happened over the last two days. My heel feels a bit better and the floating piece of whatever that I thought was a bone spur is no longer floating...Do they ever just go back in? I have had the last two days off and have ran some errands including getting a memory card reader from Best Buy so that I can upload the wedding pics among others. Hope everyone has a great day, I'm off to get Pho and go to work!
B
B
Monday, January 5, 2009
Resolutions
I have spent the last couple days, when I have not been busy with work, bachelor parties, weddings etc. compiling a short list of resolutions that I would like to make for a better 2009. Some of them are realistic, some are not realistic and some of them have already been tossed out the window. I have characterized them as the "Good(likely to be followed)" the "Bad(fat chance)" and the "Ugly(ooops, too late)".
Enjoy!
THE GOOD(Highly Likely)
1. I want to get in shape. Since returning from China I have lost 26Lbs via watching what I eat and 4-5 times a week gym trips. Those of you who have seen me before may notice, but on a 6'4" frame 26 Lbs is not a lot. I weigh in at 182Lbs right now and would like to stay there, while reducing my body fat % which I assume is about 346%. Meech and I got a kick out of a show on LOGO called Rick and Steve, where they referred to someone as being "Skinny Fat". We decided that we were both "Skinny Fat". We chuckled and then got depressed, haha. I resolve to maintain my gym schedule and have the necessary yet gay cliche six pack by the end of February.
2. I have had a history of getting myself into trouble when drunk. Nothing too serious, since the 1st(and only) annual "Gobble-de-Gook Sprint(if you don't know, ask someone from Davis)". However I have, over the last year, developed a nasty habit of Drunk texting/calling/e-mailing that has gotten me into trouble, a lot. I need help on this one. If we are all laughing/happy/drunk and I am on my phone in a corner someone intervene!! Do me a favor and rip it out of my hands. I resolve to no longer bury myself in my phone when I have been imbibing...
3. I want spend more quality time with friends. I have a couple friends up here, some new some old. When I hang out with those friends I get Euphoric. I am a happier person and feel like I am on top of the world. I don't know why I am like this, maybe I just subconsciously seek their approval, but whatever. All I know is that being around this handful of people is better than any high I have ever had. I resolve to allow my friendships to blossom at their own speed, and to take advantage of the time I have with this handful of people.
THE BAD(A Tad Bit Less Likely)
1. I would like to cut alcohol, or at least most of it out of my diet and budget. At $14/drink for a drink with 3-4 ounces of booze, The abbey is a bad influence on my waistline and my budget. The Abbey among others is a perfect example of an opportunistic merchant. Gays tend to be depressed, therefore they drink. They also tend to have disposable income and actually budget for weekly alcohol expenses. Most of the time this budget allowance comes out of the food fund. Who needs to eat when you can be on a diet of Methamphetamine, Camel Lights and Vodka. No wonder thay are all so skinny! I'm glad I'm not THAT gay...I resolve to not spend more than $20 a night when I go out and to not go out more than twice weekly maximum.
2. I would like to get my own place, or at least my own bedroom. David Just got a sweet deal last week on a place in my neighborhood, and it is definitely within reach. I love my living situation right now, roomies are great, rent is fairly cheap, but realistically, nothing beats having your own room. This is where the second job comes in. With a second job my options will expand greatly. I resolve to put myself in the position to find my own room within by April.
3. I would like to get a second job. I am not bored with the one that I have, in fact I really do enjoy it, however, I need to take advantage of the fact that I have lots of free time and no one or nothing to really spend it on or with. David had suggested that I get a hobby. But hobbies are expensive. Therefore a second job, maybe bartending 10-20 hours a week would be lovely. I resolve to make a valid effort to seek out additional employment.
4. This goes hand in hand with the one about staying in shape. I would love to spoil my body. This means weekly massage and steam room trips 4-5 times a week. I have access to the massage at work and I have access to the steam at Toppers. I just need to stop coming up with excuses on why I cannot treat myself more often. I resolve to take advantage of the benefits that I have.
THE UGLY(Probably Already Broken)
1. I drive too fast. I have always driven too fast. I might continue to drive too fast. If the freeway is empty and it is late at night, I have no qualms about getting from point A to B at 100mph. I know it is stupid, but the risk is low. If I am tired or there are other cars on the road, I sit in the mid lanes at 70mph. I do not drive recklessly with other people in my car. When there is someone else in my car, they are my responsibility. Timmy got into a fender bender recently and has since then put a sign in his car that reads "Slow Down!" The reason that this is an "Ugly" resolution is because it has already been broken multiple times. I drive like a maniac, and every time I don't consciously think about slowing down, I look at my speedometer and see lots of big numbers...
2. This applies to #2 in the "Good" resolution section. I have already sent out a couple of idiotic emails, texts and voicemails. The reason that I put this up there and down here is because I'd like to characterize this as something completely different. I belong to a club, and I am the only member. I am the President of DCA, the Drunk Communicators Anonymous. I have fallen off the wagon a few times already and will most likely continue, but I just gotta get back on the wagon! haha
NO MORE DRUNK COMMUNICATIONS!
THE UGLIER(Not a Snowballs Chance in Hell)
1. I would like to think I could stop getting into "Skirmishes" with the elderly, seeing as how I went to the gym this morning and could barely walk on my "'Geriatrically' Assaulted" heels. But this one is out of my control. I have so far been called a "queer" by "Father Time" at Trader Joe's in West Hollywood, A "Big Bald Asshole" by this salt and peppered nut job on Santa Monica, and my most recent run-in with this Yiddish squawking crow at Walgreens. And this is all since the beginning of September!!! I think this one is really out of my hands. I need to wear a shirt that says "I karate chop the elderly" for intimidation purposes.
Oh and speaking of "Walgreens Hussy", I wrote the story and got 14 texts messages from friends who read it say things like, and I quote, "I totally though you would have kcked(sp) the old biddy's ass" and "I could just see you knocking her in the face with your gallon of milk" and, my personal favorite "...i imagine you had a VERY tough decision to make there...there's something about clocking the battleaxe that would be severely satisfying..." REALLY??? Do I come across as the kind of person that smacks around the youth challenged? I hope not...Hope y'all have a lovely Monday. I'm out...
If I can think of anymore I will post them. Anyone else have any fun resolutions?
Enjoy!
THE GOOD(Highly Likely)
1. I want to get in shape. Since returning from China I have lost 26Lbs via watching what I eat and 4-5 times a week gym trips. Those of you who have seen me before may notice, but on a 6'4" frame 26 Lbs is not a lot. I weigh in at 182Lbs right now and would like to stay there, while reducing my body fat % which I assume is about 346%. Meech and I got a kick out of a show on LOGO called Rick and Steve, where they referred to someone as being "Skinny Fat". We decided that we were both "Skinny Fat". We chuckled and then got depressed, haha. I resolve to maintain my gym schedule and have the necessary yet gay cliche six pack by the end of February.
2. I have had a history of getting myself into trouble when drunk. Nothing too serious, since the 1st(and only) annual "Gobble-de-Gook Sprint(if you don't know, ask someone from Davis)". However I have, over the last year, developed a nasty habit of Drunk texting/calling/e-mailing that has gotten me into trouble, a lot. I need help on this one. If we are all laughing/happy/drunk and I am on my phone in a corner someone intervene!! Do me a favor and rip it out of my hands. I resolve to no longer bury myself in my phone when I have been imbibing...
3. I want spend more quality time with friends. I have a couple friends up here, some new some old. When I hang out with those friends I get Euphoric. I am a happier person and feel like I am on top of the world. I don't know why I am like this, maybe I just subconsciously seek their approval, but whatever. All I know is that being around this handful of people is better than any high I have ever had. I resolve to allow my friendships to blossom at their own speed, and to take advantage of the time I have with this handful of people.
THE BAD(A Tad Bit Less Likely)
1. I would like to cut alcohol, or at least most of it out of my diet and budget. At $14/drink for a drink with 3-4 ounces of booze, The abbey is a bad influence on my waistline and my budget. The Abbey among others is a perfect example of an opportunistic merchant. Gays tend to be depressed, therefore they drink. They also tend to have disposable income and actually budget for weekly alcohol expenses. Most of the time this budget allowance comes out of the food fund. Who needs to eat when you can be on a diet of Methamphetamine, Camel Lights and Vodka. No wonder thay are all so skinny! I'm glad I'm not THAT gay...I resolve to not spend more than $20 a night when I go out and to not go out more than twice weekly maximum.
2. I would like to get my own place, or at least my own bedroom. David Just got a sweet deal last week on a place in my neighborhood, and it is definitely within reach. I love my living situation right now, roomies are great, rent is fairly cheap, but realistically, nothing beats having your own room. This is where the second job comes in. With a second job my options will expand greatly. I resolve to put myself in the position to find my own room within by April.
3. I would like to get a second job. I am not bored with the one that I have, in fact I really do enjoy it, however, I need to take advantage of the fact that I have lots of free time and no one or nothing to really spend it on or with. David had suggested that I get a hobby. But hobbies are expensive. Therefore a second job, maybe bartending 10-20 hours a week would be lovely. I resolve to make a valid effort to seek out additional employment.
4. This goes hand in hand with the one about staying in shape. I would love to spoil my body. This means weekly massage and steam room trips 4-5 times a week. I have access to the massage at work and I have access to the steam at Toppers. I just need to stop coming up with excuses on why I cannot treat myself more often. I resolve to take advantage of the benefits that I have.
THE UGLY(Probably Already Broken)
1. I drive too fast. I have always driven too fast. I might continue to drive too fast. If the freeway is empty and it is late at night, I have no qualms about getting from point A to B at 100mph. I know it is stupid, but the risk is low. If I am tired or there are other cars on the road, I sit in the mid lanes at 70mph. I do not drive recklessly with other people in my car. When there is someone else in my car, they are my responsibility. Timmy got into a fender bender recently and has since then put a sign in his car that reads "Slow Down!" The reason that this is an "Ugly" resolution is because it has already been broken multiple times. I drive like a maniac, and every time I don't consciously think about slowing down, I look at my speedometer and see lots of big numbers...
2. This applies to #2 in the "Good" resolution section. I have already sent out a couple of idiotic emails, texts and voicemails. The reason that I put this up there and down here is because I'd like to characterize this as something completely different. I belong to a club, and I am the only member. I am the President of DCA, the Drunk Communicators Anonymous. I have fallen off the wagon a few times already and will most likely continue, but I just gotta get back on the wagon! haha
NO MORE DRUNK COMMUNICATIONS!
THE UGLIER(Not a Snowballs Chance in Hell)
1. I would like to think I could stop getting into "Skirmishes" with the elderly, seeing as how I went to the gym this morning and could barely walk on my "'Geriatrically' Assaulted" heels. But this one is out of my control. I have so far been called a "queer" by "Father Time" at Trader Joe's in West Hollywood, A "Big Bald Asshole" by this salt and peppered nut job on Santa Monica, and my most recent run-in with this Yiddish squawking crow at Walgreens. And this is all since the beginning of September!!! I think this one is really out of my hands. I need to wear a shirt that says "I karate chop the elderly" for intimidation purposes.
Oh and speaking of "Walgreens Hussy", I wrote the story and got 14 texts messages from friends who read it say things like, and I quote, "I totally though you would have kcked(sp) the old biddy's ass" and "I could just see you knocking her in the face with your gallon of milk" and, my personal favorite "...i imagine you had a VERY tough decision to make there...there's something about clocking the battleaxe that would be severely satisfying..." REALLY??? Do I come across as the kind of person that smacks around the youth challenged? I hope not...Hope y'all have a lovely Monday. I'm out...
If I can think of anymore I will post them. Anyone else have any fun resolutions?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)