Resolutions

I have spent the last couple days, when I have not been busy with work, bachelor parties, weddings etc. compiling a short list of resolutions that I would like to make for a better 2009. Some of them are realistic, some are not realistic and some of them have already been tossed out the window. I have characterized them as the "Good(likely to be followed)" the "Bad(fat chance)" and the "Ugly(ooops, too late)".

Enjoy!

THE GOOD(Highly Likely)

1. I want to get in shape. Since returning from China I have lost 26Lbs via watching what I eat and 4-5 times a week gym trips. Those of you who have seen me before may notice, but on a 6'4" frame 26 Lbs is not a lot. I weigh in at 182Lbs right now and would like to stay there, while reducing my body fat % which I assume is about 346%. Meech and I got a kick out of a show on LOGO called Rick and Steve, where they referred to someone as being "Skinny Fat". We decided that we were both "Skinny Fat". We chuckled and then got depressed, haha. I resolve to maintain my gym schedule and have the necessary yet gay cliche six pack by the end of February.

2. I have had a history of getting myself into trouble when drunk. Nothing too serious, since the 1st(and only) annual "Gobble-de-Gook Sprint(if you don't know, ask someone from Davis)". However I have, over the last year, developed a nasty habit of Drunk texting/calling/e-mailing that has gotten me into trouble, a lot. I need help on this one. If we are all laughing/happy/drunk and I am on my phone in a corner someone intervene!! Do me a favor and rip it out of my hands. I resolve to no longer bury myself in my phone when I have been imbibing...

3. I want spend more quality time with friends. I have a couple friends up here, some new some old. When I hang out with those friends I get Euphoric. I am a happier person and feel like I am on top of the world. I don't know why I am like this, maybe I just subconsciously seek their approval, but whatever. All I know is that being around this handful of people is better than any high I have ever had. I resolve to allow my friendships to blossom at their own speed, and to take advantage of the time I have with this handful of people.


THE BAD(A Tad Bit Less Likely)

1. I would like to cut alcohol, or at least most of it out of my diet and budget. At $14/drink for a drink with 3-4 ounces of booze, The abbey is a bad influence on my waistline and my budget. The Abbey among others is a perfect example of an opportunistic merchant. Gays tend to be depressed, therefore they drink. They also tend to have disposable income and actually budget for weekly alcohol expenses. Most of the time this budget allowance comes out of the food fund. Who needs to eat when you can be on a diet of Methamphetamine, Camel Lights and Vodka. No wonder thay are all so skinny! I'm glad I'm not THAT gay...I resolve to not spend more than $20 a night when I go out and to not go out more than twice weekly maximum.

2. I would like to get my own place, or at least my own bedroom. David Just got a sweet deal last week on a place in my neighborhood, and it is definitely within reach. I love my living situation right now, roomies are great, rent is fairly cheap, but realistically, nothing beats having your own room. This is where the second job comes in. With a second job my options will expand greatly. I resolve to put myself in the position to find my own room within by April.

3. I would like to get a second job. I am not bored with the one that I have, in fact I really do enjoy it, however, I need to take advantage of the fact that I have lots of free time and no one or nothing to really spend it on or with. David had suggested that I get a hobby. But hobbies are expensive. Therefore a second job, maybe bartending 10-20 hours a week would be lovely. I resolve to make a valid effort to seek out additional employment.

4. This goes hand in hand with the one about staying in shape. I would love to spoil my body. This means weekly massage and steam room trips 4-5 times a week. I have access to the massage at work and I have access to the steam at Toppers. I just need to stop coming up with excuses on why I cannot treat myself more often. I resolve to take advantage of the benefits that I have.

THE UGLY(Probably Already Broken)

1. I drive too fast. I have always driven too fast. I might continue to drive too fast. If the freeway is empty and it is late at night, I have no qualms about getting from point A to B at 100mph. I know it is stupid, but the risk is low. If I am tired or there are other cars on the road, I sit in the mid lanes at 70mph. I do not drive recklessly with other people in my car. When there is someone else in my car, they are my responsibility. Timmy got into a fender bender recently and has since then put a sign in his car that reads "Slow Down!" The reason that this is an "Ugly" resolution is because it has already been broken multiple times. I drive like a maniac, and every time I don't consciously think about slowing down, I look at my speedometer and see lots of big numbers...

2. This applies to #2 in the "Good" resolution section. I have already sent out a couple of idiotic emails, texts and voicemails. The reason that I put this up there and down here is because I'd like to characterize this as something completely different. I belong to a club, and I am the only member. I am the President of DCA, the Drunk Communicators Anonymous. I have fallen off the wagon a few times already and will most likely continue, but I just gotta get back on the wagon! haha
NO MORE DRUNK COMMUNICATIONS!

THE UGLIER(Not a Snowballs Chance in Hell)

1. I would like to think I could stop getting into "Skirmishes" with the elderly, seeing as how I went to the gym this morning and could barely walk on my "'Geriatrically' Assaulted" heels. But this one is out of my control. I have so far been called a "queer" by "Father Time" at Trader Joe's in West Hollywood, A "Big Bald Asshole" by this salt and peppered nut job on Santa Monica, and my most recent run-in with this Yiddish squawking crow at Walgreens. And this is all since the beginning of September!!! I think this one is really out of my hands. I need to wear a shirt that says "I karate chop the elderly" for intimidation purposes.

Oh and speaking of "Walgreens Hussy", I wrote the story and got 14 texts messages from friends who read it say things like, and I quote, "I totally though you would have kcked(sp) the old biddy's ass" and "I could just see you knocking her in the face with your gallon of milk" and, my personal favorite "...i imagine you had a VERY tough decision to make there...there's something about clocking the battleaxe that would be severely satisfying..." REALLY??? Do I come across as the kind of person that smacks around the youth challenged? I hope not...Hope y'all have a lovely Monday. I'm out...

If I can think of anymore I will post them. Anyone else have any fun resolutions?