I went to the gym at 7AM today and did my usual routine but added in some additional cardio. I tried adding 15 minutes onto the stair climber in addition to my usual 25 on the bike and 20 on the elliptical. My legs were shaky and already sore and I was a bit irritable. As I am driving back on Pico at about 9:15, two cars are stopped at the red light. They two people, a middle-aged man and an older woman were talking. The light turned green...They continued to talk...I waited a solid 4 seconds and then, in Los Angeles fashion rolled down my window, laid on my horn and screamed "Green Light Idiot." The woman in front of me rolls her window down, and signals me to go around...REALLY??? So I gassed it unnecessarily and whipped around her with my horn going the whole time...The nerve...
I got back to my place, parked and walked next door to Walgreens to get some goodies. Skim Milk, Crest Vivid White Toothpaste, Crest Whitening Weekly paste, and Roc Salicylic Acid Skin Cleanser...What...I'm gay...Its acceptable. So I am standing in line with my fabulous purchases when I get rear-ended, in a bad way, in the ankles by a shopping cart. I turn around and am instantly mortified...She looked deep into my eyes, my soul was exposed, my hands full, may nerves unraveling...It was the "Road Block" from earlier, and you bet your ass she knew who I was too. I turned back around and waited for it to hit me like a ton of bricks. And it did.
Artists Rendering...
She pushed her shopping cart hard into my ankles...My eyes welled up, I have bruises on my Achillies Tendon now. She hits me a third time, that's it, one more time and I'm doing 35-Life for premeditated genocide...She waited for a bit...Let the line move up, took aim, and fired. She hit me so hard with her cart the fourth time I bumped into the guy in front of me. I turned around and in a big, deep, loud, "straight" voice (I figured embarrassing her would make her back off, wrong)I said, "Excuse Ma'am, please watch my ankles. She smirked at me. I was getting my ass kicked by a 65 year old woman, whose basket was full of Werthers Originals, Depends and Ace Bandages. I finally got out of her way, and got up to the register. I was about to cry from the pain at this point, and everyone in the stupid store, which was uncharacteristically crowded, was staring at me, begging me to cry, they wanted to see some action, but there was none to be had.
I paid for my goodies, which we the only things keeping me from curling up on the floor and crying in agony...Again, I get excited by teeth whitening products...As I was walking out she yelled across the store, Meshuga Goy...Had no idea what it meant, so I turned around and did what any self-respecting grown man would do after receiving the beat down of his life from an Estelle Getty Wannabe...I stuck my tongue out at her and made face.
I looked up Meshuga Goy and found it to be Yiddish for Crazy Gentile...Wow, she is perceptive, I am usually mistaken for a Jewish man in this neighborhood.
My ankles are on fire along with the rest of my legs and my spirit is tarnished like cheap silver. But I must move on...After all, I have teeth whitening toothpaste now!!!
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