Day One

So today is Tuesday the 6th, no 7th of October. Last night, I came to a realization. I am borderline a deadbeat right now. I don't pay rent, I have $4500 in debt I'm trying to pay off and I live in a city where the average rent for 1 bedroom is $1300. I am out of the current living situation on the 15th and am in search of something new, and something cheap, because for what I am making an hour I cannot afford a broke dick. I am tired, frustrated, under-worked, under-stimulated and starting to really feel lost in it all. This shoudl be interesting. I might have wanted to name these rants, the self-destruction of a 26 year old gay man. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm gay? This poses quite the problem because anywhere that we can live where we are not maligned is so ri-god-damn-diculously expensive that you have to pay a thousand bucks a month to have your own room. This is not even the most expensive one out there...Think I'm kidding: http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/869541788.html

My day today should be interesting, I get to go to work at 12, leave work at 2:45 for a job interview for a second job, return to work immediately after it is all over and then I'm done at 8 or so. Not too weird, but heres the complication...I had a dream last night, normally my dreams are fantastic, vivid and surreal. This one was not that at all. It was depressing, realistic and slightly eerie. It was eye-opening in short. Let me tell you why. I came out when I was at school on September 11th 2005. I had the best friends I could have asked for up there, and they ALL supported me 100%. It was not enough though, I left Davis after my next quarter on December 16th 2005 I was depressed and did not even know how to explain it. I still don't to this day. If you have come out before, then you almost certainly understand that feeling you get in the first year...anyways, so I left school and finished up at SDSU over the next two semesters. This was a stupid decision but at the time I needed to do it. My dream was of me returning to Davis to work on a post-baccalaureate program which is something that I really want to do. Here is why it is realistic. I have no house, and am struggling to find one, I have minimal obligations, and am struggling to find those too and finally my job is fun, but not realistically supportive...Therefore I really do not have anything other than the best partner I could have asked for and a clutch of close friends...This was the same situation I was in when I left Davis, sans the partner...I am lost and hope this Job Interview goes well today, at least it will give me some form of direction.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this could get turbulent...